If I'm So Terrific, Why Can't I Get the Right Woman?

[Michael]

If I'm so terrific, why can't I get the right woman?

All my life I've been told I'd be a good father, that I'm a good man. I make women I know laugh, from young ones to older ones.

But how come I haven't met the right girl?

I'm 24 years old and I'm ready to move out of the United States.

I mean, let's be honest, Americans (American women especially) have not shown more than friendship interest to asian/pacific islander men, especially when they're short (under 5'7").

I dunno...maybe I'm going after the wrong girl, the hot blonde or brunette (who in my opinion act real trashy so why would I even care) and maybe I need to start going after girls that are like myself.

But I dunno man, another part of me feels like I HAVE TO GET A GIRLFRIEND.

But in honesty, I really just wanna make music.

But it would be nice to get noticed, to be paid a compliment, or a glance once in a while, to ask me how my day was.

Sometimes I just feel so alone...so disconnected with others...so different.

I feel like people just want me to always help or talk to someone.

I mean DAMN, didn't it occur to them that I need help too!!

But I'm not a hit it and quit it kinda guy.

I want a girlfriend to like me...for me...to raise me up when I'm down, to help me when I need help, to let me be when I need to cool off, to pet my ego a bit, to desire me, to want to by my lover, to want to make children, to want to die for me, to worship God with, to help the poor with me, to by my teammate, to make beautiful music together, to workout with me, to laugh so hard our sides and jaws hurt, to cry with, to smile with, to succeed with, to sleep together, shower together, to eat together, to just talk, to joke around with, to sing together, to make hard decisions with, to clean the house with, to listen to music together, to go on adventures together, to learn new languages with me, to make meals with, to wash the car with, to clean diapers with, to stand up for justice together, to be a role model for our kids, to discipline the kids with, to love our kids, to tell our daughter she is NOT allowed to wear that dress, to tell our son No means NO, to shop with, to kiss with, to hold hands, to grow old together, to play with our grandkids, to read the Bible with me, to teach our children about God, to die with.

Sorry when I get into it, I don't think as much and just write.

[Scot]

Hello Michael:


First of all, I want you to rest assured that you are not alone. Man, so many guys struggle with the very same issues you do.

You shared two thoughts that I want to be sure to address:

Maybe I need to start going after girls that are like myself.

That's an outstanding plan.

A lot of guys think like they have to have a girlfriend that everyone else (especially the media) would approve of...even if deep down those women aren't really their "type". Crazy, huh?

But nearly 100% of the time, I've found that men who really do deserve what they want by becoming the absolute best version of their true selves find that they genuinely prefer women who are A LOT like themselves.

And the weirdest part? Here's what is perhaps the most breathtaking realization of all for many, many guys.

When you learn to love even the parts about yourself you can't change, and turn "limiting beliefs" into strengths, you actually end up appreciating women who share those same traits that used to be "limiting beliefs".

For example, let's say a certain guy is self-conscious about being too much of a goofball. Maybe he feels he's got too dorky a sense of humor.

But after a while, he embraces that part of himself and realizes that if he's comfortable in his own skin, others will be also.

That goes well for him.

Then one day he meets one of those dorky, goofy girls who is all the more adorable because of it. She's quirky and silly in an irresistibly cute sort of way.

Best of all, she too is happy with who she is.

Fireworks ensue--and neither of them would have it any other way.

So then, as hard as it is sometimes to believe that your self- perceived limiting beliefs have less to do with your current state of affairs than you presume they do, think of it this way.

How much happier are you going to be with a woman who sees you as "her type"?

Not only is she most definitely out there, there are more than one of them.

Believe me, I'm not very tall myself. Yet I dated dozens of women who thought I was "the perfect height for them".

Did they think that before they met me? Who knows? But it didn't take them long to figure it out, that's for sure.

I can't speak for being Asian personally, but I can tell you for a fact that I see A LOT of Asian guys with amazing women who seem VERY happy with them.

When YOU appreciate who you are, women will also. That's part of being attractive, at least from a woman's perspective.

But I dunno man, another part of me feels like I HAVE TO GET A GIRLFRIEND. But in honesty, I really just wanna make music.

So make music. Doing what you feel drawn to do in life is exactly what "purpose" is all about. And we already know that women find that insanely attractive in a man.

Let the women see your passion for that and your purpose. They'll credit that to you as confidence and masculinity. Then--go figure-- you'll find yourself attracting women more effortlessly, certainly without it feeling like "work".

On the flip side, whenever you make something that feels like drudgery your "purpose", that's when women fail to be attracted.

They sense that you're easily influenced by others in terms of your life path. As a direct result, it doesn't seem to them like they can count on feeling protected by you over the long term.

But in addition to what I've just described, Marcelo, there's a major mindset shift I recommend to you in order to really start getting the results with women you truly want.

That's this: Instead of focusing on what you want and trying to get it, the secret to success with women really is representing to women what they want in a man.

You know, the whole "deserve what you want" thing.

Then, the rest is easy.

Think about it this way. Let's "put the shoe on the other foot" for a minute.

Which woman succeeds with men better? The one who is constantly trying to get a guy to give her what she wants, or the one who guys just naturally think is incredibly hot and feminine?

The answer is pretty obvious.

If you need a hint anyway, here's one: When anyone--man or woman--is on a "mission" to find a companion, that almost always comes off as self-centered, if not flat-out desperate.

Add to it the layer of "drudgery" I mentioned earlier, and it just repels the opposite gender.

That's why I talk about it all the time in The Master Plan, The Leading Man, The Man's Approach and all of my other programs as well. It's THAT important.

He is masculine as women define it, confident, able to make a woman feel safe and secure in his presence, and has strong character as his cornerstone.

It's that last one, by the way, that's going to help you check off all those items on your list regarding what the the right woman looks like.

When you know what you believe and why you believe it--and you have the personal power to stick to living your truth--THAT'S when you keep a woman devoted to you long-term.

...And that's probably after having made a solid decision on which woman to have accompany you on life's journey.

[Shirley]

In the time where dating is quite prominent and love is celebrated every day, men have a fair chance of finding their true love with women of all shapes, sizes, and personalities. However, when it comes to women selecting their soul mates, things get difficult because it is an emotional affair. The women population can get very choosy while opting for the opposite sex that is actually worthy of attracting.

This article comes as a ray of hope for guys who are patiently waiting to be chosen by the right women. It talks about the qualities in men that women find quite attractive.

1. Groomed personality
The very first thing that catches a woman's attention is a smartly dressed male who knows what suits him. Starting from the proper hair cut to the clean face, right fitted clothes, clean personality and a good pair of shoes. You must have heard that the first impression is the last one. Well, it is not the last but it definitely helps in building the character in her eyes. Being the first step towards attracting women, you need to take good care of yourself because if you can't do it, why would someone else do it for you.

2. Improve the listening skills
Every woman loves to talk and all she needs is someone who can hear her out to the fullest. You might not be a good listener but you have to be one if you really want a woman to pay attention to you. All she wants is that you listen to her problems, her daily schedule, and everything else as well. However, this is what happens when you are already in the relationship with her. Initially, you just have to stay calm and listen out the chit chat she intends to do with you. This is the probably the easiest way to a woman's affection.

3. Be kind and act as one
You must have heard the idiom, practice what you preach. This aspect is somewhat like that. You need to be kind at heart in order to gain the affection of the woman. However, being kind at heart and not practicing it in the outside world is of no use. You talk about being kind to others but do not practice it yourself, you might lose the girl of your life. Take things gently but remember to not be fake at any point in life. Let her see the real you who is kind at heart and also believes in doing good for the others.

4. Make sure your body is in sync with your lips
Body language is what this aspect talks about. Whenever you are communicating with a female, it is very important the body language is in sync with the words that come out of your mouth. Women have the ability to judge men really well and when it comes to love or dating, they do it exceptionally well. Remember that the slow and steady wins the race. Be the tortoise of the store and you'll be the winner of the race called dating.

5. Don't hurry to the bedroom
Probably in continuation to the above aspect, you might be all set with your g-string or other men's underwear style for the making things happen, you must make sure that you don't take it all in a rush. Take it slow, know her well and let her give you the hint of taking things to the next level.

Be the good guy or the bad one, you now know what makes you attractive to women.

[Richard]

Have you ever wondered how it is that some guys are just so successful at picking women?

Have you ever wished that you could be like them?

The fact at hand is that some guys are just lucky with women; that they just have a certain charm that women can't resist. Other guys are just good - they know exactly how to spot the right women to approach and they know exactly how to act, what to say and when to do it to make women swoon and want to be with those guys.

If you aren't the "lucky" sort; you can't be like those guys; but you can be one of the ones who are good.

And the truth be told given the choice; I wouldn't choose lucky because I would rather be good.

When approaching a woman for the first time; there is an entire arsenal of certain proven techniques that can be used to make her interested and attracted; that initial curiosity can be built upon to establish a rapport, which is a level of communication and comfort with each other on both and physical and emotional level - note that I did not say "an intellectual level" - we don't want her intellect engaged at this point - intellect is critically important to me in a spouse or a long term girlfriend; but not so much in the short term.

Now what makes the techniques that I'm talking about here so proven and so effective?

They are based upon human psychology and they are rooted in what science knows about how women respond to men and their advances; both on a rational, conscious level and on an emotional, subconscious level.

When interacting with a new woman that you want a relationship with whether for the long term or just for one tryst; we want to stimulate her emotional mind, not her rational mind.

Women make decisions and form opinions either based upon what their rational brain tells them or what their emotional brain tells them. Now I'm saying that as if they have two separate brains and they do; but they both occupy the same space and they don't both function with the same level of clarity at the same time; one takes dominance over the other.

By stimulating her emotional brain you repress her rational brain and create a situation wherein her decisions and opinions are made based more upon feelings than upon rational thoughts; and that is a good thing in this case because for a guy who is good; it's pretty easy to influence - to even manipulate those feelings - to achieve a desired result.

Obviously, what I'm talking about is seduction for the purpose of a relationship, a sexual encounter, whether you are looking for just one or for something longer term; it can be fairly simple when you know how to repress her logical brain and engage her emotional brain and present it with the right set of signals, both verbal, through casual touch, through negative body language that she will "see" and interpret on a subconscious level - she won't "think about them"; she will just feel them and act on those feelings.

Now the biggest danger when using this "emotional brain" method of seduction is that you might go too fast; you do too much too fast too successfully and send her into "overload" emotionally. This causes what I call a Red Zone Response, a moment of rational clarity that kicks the emotional brain to the curb, just shuts it down and fully engages the logical brain; at least as far as you and your attempts are concerned.

So pace yourself, don't move to quickly or this great technique will backfire and she will be out of there faster than you can think, "Oh, crap!"

Assuming that you have moved at the right pace and that you have avoided the Red Zone Response; that you have established rapport, comfort and trust on both an emotional and physical level (by frequent casual touching, just a tap to her hand or arm as if to emphasize your words) there comes the point at which you need to take this encounter to the next level - a physical relationship.

This is done by creating sexual tension and arousal within her by first creating it within yourself.

Continuing the conversation as normal you will simply start to think about things and picture things in your mind that get you aroused and sexually turned on.

As you get yourself aroused your body language is going to make a major shift; you aren't saying anything any differently but your voice might become a little deeper and softer, your eyes will narrow a bit, your shoulders might slouch a little and you will find yourself glancing from her eyes to her lips as she talks - all of these are powerful subconscious signals of sexual arousal.

She is going to see this and she is going to feel this without even thinking about it; and she is going to start feeling it herself and demonstrating those same signals.

When you see her watching your lips as you talk, the time is right to suggest more private surroundings.

Studying the psychology of attraction is a fascinating undertaking; and one that can greatly benefit you in terms of your personal relationships.

[Michael]

I appreciate all the advice I got from you guys.