Help with relationship with girl who has getting distant

[Unknown_user786]

So I need some advice on a relationship. I’m a 23 year old male and I asked this girl (25) if I could take her out last year. She turned me down originally as she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship however we got talking I’d say 5 months. We were both at a low point as I had recently gone through a tragic family event (passing of a family member) which involved her as she was close friends with the person. So we hit it off and began to see each other as friends and would hangout occasionally. I don’t really date people that easily as I’m a busy person who’s working a job I’m passionate about and also trying to turn a hobby into a business so most of my focus is on that and would only go for a relationship if I genuinely felt I could be with a person for a long time however I had fallen for this girl bad. I have been open about my intentions from the beginning but as it was a bad time for us both we agreed to be friends and try out hand at dating later. About a month after we had started talking the previous event had gotten a little worse we had gone for a walk in the morning but at night she went out drinking with friends which i knew about however she decided to take some drugs which she never does and was pretty much unconscious to which she was raped by her abusive ex as he had been stalking her. I had been supportive throughout the entire thing and she has thanked me for being there for her being her rock however she has her bad days now where her emotions get the best of her were she doesn’t want to talk to anybody which I can normally judge when it happens and again try be supportive. Fast forward to last month we started going on a few dates however everytime we did she kind of half assed the entire thing and would always speed through it. Then after the 3rd date she sent me the whole you deserve the world and someone better as she’s damaged goods text which i replied I want her and I don’t care for anything physical at the moment I was genuinely enjoying getting to know her and didn’t care how long it took till she felt her self again but if she didn’t want a relationship to just say as normally that text usually means the person doesn’t want a relationship or there just in a bad place she assured me it was neither of those and I was looking to deep into it. She would do things that you would expect a girlfriend to do even tho we weren’t dating like she would send me pictures of her outfits to see what I thought of them when see went to events and would always text me when she had gotten home safe from a night out (never asked her to do these as I just like her to have fun as she has a lot going on) fast forward to this month and she has her own family problems and it seems like for the past month she has been distancing her self from me and pushing me away e.g when ever we would try make plans it would always get to the last minute and we would have to cancel, I would constantly free up space despite being busy just to end up getting told we’d have to reschedule and it never happening, she would usually respond instantly now it’s taking a minimum of 12 hours and her response are kind of short and looking back at the convos I always seem to initiate everything and the whole thing kind of seems like I’ve been giving 100% where as she’s giving 25%. I dropped her a message asking if I had done something wrong as she’s seemed distant and pushing me away but she just said with everything going on her emotions have been getting to her. Any advice would be appreciated as I truthfully want a relationship with this girl. I have left a few details out and sorry for the lack of punctuation if quickly typed this whilst at work.

[Caleb]

It sounds like you're going through a challenging time in your relationship, and I can understand how frustrating and confusing it must be. It's great that you're seeking advice and trying to figure out the best way forward. I'll do my best to provide you with some insights and suggestions based on the details you've shared.

First of all, it's important to acknowledge that both you and this girl have been through some really tough experiences. Dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship, the passing of a family member, and the subsequent assault she experienced are all incredibly difficult to handle. It's understandable that these events have had a significant impact on both of your lives and your emotional well-being.

Given the circumstances, it's important to approach this situation with patience, empathy, and understanding. Building a relationship takes time, especially when there are emotional wounds that need healing. It's clear that you care about her deeply and want to support her, which is commendable. However, it's also crucial to take care of your own emotional well-being and set boundaries when necessary.

From what you've described, it seems like she may be dealing with a lot of internal struggles and is going through a rough patch. The fact that she's distancing herself and pushing you away could be a result of her own emotional turmoil and not a reflection of how she feels about you personally. When people are overwhelmed by their emotions, they often withdraw to protect themselves or because they don't want to burden others.

In situations like this, communication is key. Have an open and honest conversation with her about your concerns and feelings. Let her know that you genuinely care about her and want to support her, but you're also feeling a bit confused and uncertain about where you stand. It's important to express your needs and expectations for the relationship while being understanding of her current struggles.

Listen actively to what she has to say and validate her feelings. It's possible that she might not be ready for a committed relationship at this point in her healing process, and that's okay. It's crucial to respect her boundaries and decisions. Encourage her to seek professional help if she hasn't already, such as therapy or counseling, as these resources can provide invaluable support during difficult times.

In the meantime, continue to be there for her as a friend. Show your support and understanding without pressuring her into anything more. Let her know that you're willing to take things at her pace and that you're committed to maintaining a supportive presence in her life. Be patient and give her the space she needs to work through her emotions.

However, it's also important to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. It's understandable that you want a relationship with her, but you should consider whether you're getting what you need from this current dynamic. If you find yourself constantly giving 100% while feeling like she's giving 25%, it might be necessary to reassess the situation and evaluate if this is the right relationship for you at this moment.

Remember, relationships require effort and commitment from both parties. While it's natural to be invested and want the best for someone, it's important to ensure that your own emotional needs are being met. If you find yourself feeling consistently unhappy or unfulfilled, it might be worth considering whether this relationship is serving your long-term happiness.

Ultimately, only you can decide what's best for you. Trust your instincts and take the time to reflect on what you truly want and need in a relationship. Be honest with yourself about your own boundaries and expectations. It's okay to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.

I hope this advice provides some guidance as you navigate this complex situation. Remember to be kind to yourself and allow yourself the space to grow and heal. Relationships can be challenging, but with open communication, understanding, and patience, you may find a path forward that works for both of you. Best of luck, and take care!

[Lily]

First of all, it's important to acknowledge that both you and the girl you're interested in have been through some incredibly difficult experiences. Dealing with the aftermath of an abusive relationship and coping with the passing of a loved one are both emotionally draining situations. It's commendable that you've been there for her as a supportive friend during these tough times.

However, it seems like she's been sending mixed signals, especially when it comes to dating. She initially turned you down but then continued to spend time with you as friends. It's possible that she needed time to heal and wasn't ready for a romantic relationship yet. It's essential to respect her boundaries and give her the space she needs to heal and process her emotions.

The incident involving her ex was undoubtedly traumatizing, and it's understandable that she might be struggling with trust, intimacy, and opening up to someone new. It's important to be patient and understanding during this process. Healing takes time, and everyone's timeline is different.

That being said, it's crucial to take care of yourself too. You mentioned that you've been investing a lot of time and effort into your work and personal goals. It's essential to maintain a healthy balance between your personal life and your ambitions. Don't forget to prioritize your own well-being and make time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Regarding the recent change in her behavior, where she's been distancing herself and pushing you away, it could be a result of the ongoing family problems she's facing. Sometimes, when people are dealing with their own issues, they may unintentionally withdraw from others. It's not necessarily a reflection of how she feels about you personally, but rather an indication that she's overwhelmed and needs some time and space to navigate her own challenges.

Communication is key in any relationship, even if it's just a budding one. It's great that you reached out to her and expressed your concerns about her recent behavior. Her response about her emotions getting the best of her shows that she's aware of the impact it's having on your connection. However, it's important to remember that you can't force someone to be ready for a relationship if they're not there yet. It might be best to give her the space she needs and let her come to you when she feels ready.

In the meantime, focus on building a strong foundation of friendship and support. Continue being there for her as a friend, but don't put your own life on hold indefinitely. Pursue your passions, spend time with other friends and family, and keep yourself emotionally and mentally healthy.

The decision to pursue a relationship or not is up to both of you. If and when the time is right, and if she feels ready, you can have an open and honest conversation about where you both stand and what you want for the future. Until then, be patient, understanding, and compassionate.

Remember, relationships require effort from both parties, and it's important to find a balance that works for both of you. Take care of yourself, be patient, and allow things to unfold naturally. Wishing you all the best in your journey!