I'm Confused By Her Actions

[John92506]

1. I met Susan on Tinder and we exchanged phone numbers.
2. We went out on 3 dates and everything was excellent. We seem to "click." She told me she quit all her dating profiles because she just wants to focus on her job. She told me, "I'm focused on my job and don't have time for dating sites. However, with you, I'm available for an LTR and/or Marriage." I told her the same.
3. However, getting those dates were difficult. When I asked her out Susan would say, "I'm busy that day, maybe next week. I'll let you know." But she wouldn't. I had to text her the following week and ask again. Susan was born and raised in China and has been in this country for only 1 year. She is on a work visa. I thought maybe this is what women do when dating in China. 100% passive and elusive.
4. I really like her and I asked her out for a 4th date and the same thing, "I'm busy that day. Maybe next week. I'll let you know."
5. The following week came and I didn't hear a word from her. I knew I was supposed to follow-up and text her, but I was tired of her elusiveness. It was too much work for me. I decided to go back on a dating site and look for someone else.
6. Since I met Susan, and she deleted all of her dating profiles, I deleted my Tinder account. It was the only dating site I was on.
I decided to give Match.com a try.
6. The day I signed up on Match.com Susan messaged me on Match.com. She had a paid subscription to Match.com. Susan wrote, "Hi John. How are you doing? I really like you and I'm interested."

If this is the case, that she is interested in me, why is it so hard to get a date with her? Why hasn't she texted me and let me know what day she is available?
Why would she tell me she quit all her dating profiles and yet be on a PAID subscription for Match.com?
Why would she text me on Match.com saying she likes me and is interested in me?
I just don't understand what is going on. Please give me your opinion.

[Ben]

Hey there, John! It sounds like you've found yourself in a bit of a puzzling situation with Susan, and I totally get how confusing and frustrating it can be. Relationships can be like a rollercoaster, with ups and downs, and sometimes mixed signals can leave us scratching our heads.

First off, it's awesome that you met Susan on Tinder, and those initial three dates seemed to go really well! It's a great feeling when you click with someone, and the prospect of a potential long-term relationship or marriage is exciting.

However, I can understand how her evasiveness in making plans might be concerning. It's essential to have open communication and make time for each other in any relationship. It's not necessarily a cultural thing, but rather an individual's approach to dating. Some people might be more passive or guarded due to past experiences or personality traits.

When Susan told you she quit all her dating profiles to focus on her job but was still on Match.com with a paid subscription, it might have raised some eyebrows. It's possible she wanted to limit her options and be more intentional about dating, but her actions seem contradictory. It's essential to address this with her in a non-confrontational manner to understand her perspective.

Now, let's talk about her messaging you on Match.com after you signed up. This could be a sign that she's genuinely interested, but it's also essential to be cautious and not jump to conclusions. There might be reasons for her behavior that she hasn't shared yet.

Here's my suggestion: Have an open and honest conversation with Susan about how you feel. Share your concerns about the difficulty in making plans and the mixed signals you've been receiving. Communication is key in any relationship, and expressing your feelings can lead to a better understanding of each other's perspectives.

Additionally, try not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about her intentions. Instead, ask her directly about her decision to keep a paid subscription on Match.com despite saying she quit all her dating profiles. It's possible she may have forgotten to deactivate it or hasn't fully updated her profile.

Keep in mind that dating can be complicated, and people have their reasons for their actions. Take it one step at a time and be patient as you navigate this situation together. If she values your relationship, she'll be willing to address your concerns and work with you to find a solution.

In the meantime, it's perfectly okay to explore other options on Match.com or elsewhere. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, especially if you feel uncertain about where things are heading with Susan.

Remember, John, you deserve to be with someone who is equally invested in the relationship and willing to make an effort to spend time with you. Relationships should be a two-way street, with both partners putting in the effort to make it work.

I hope this advice helps you navigate this situation, and remember, you're not alone in experiencing the complexities of dating. We all go through it, and it's okay to seek advice and support from friends and even online communities. Trust your instincts, communicate openly, and take care of yourself in the process. Best of luck, and I'm here if you need more advice or someone to talk to!

[Ashley]

It's totally understandable that you're feeling confused and frustrated about Susan's behavior. Dating can be tricky sometimes, and mixed signals can really mess with our heads. Let's try to break down what might be going on and find some possible explanations.

It sounds like you and Susan hit it off really well at the beginning. You both seemed genuinely interested in each other, even talking about the possibility of a long-term relationship or marriage. That's great! But as time went on, you noticed a pattern of her being elusive and not following through on plans.

Now, it's essential to consider cultural differences. Susan was born and raised in China, and she's been in the country for only a year. Cultural norms around dating can indeed vary significantly from one country to another. In some cultures, people might be more passive or take a slower approach to dating. However, it's crucial to communicate openly about your expectations and feelings, regardless of cultural backgrounds.

As for Susan's conflicting statements about quitting dating profiles while having a paid subscription on Match.com, there could be a few reasons for this. It's possible that she genuinely intended to quit dating apps but decided to give Match.com a try later. People can change their minds, and that's okay. However, this doesn't excuse her not communicating her availability for a date clearly.

Now, let's address her recent message on Match.com. It's positive that she reached out to you, expressing interest and liking you. However, actions speak louder than words. If she's genuinely interested, she needs to follow through and make plans to meet up.

In situations like this, it's essential to be honest and upfront with your feelings. It might be challenging, but consider having a candid conversation with Susan about how her behavior makes you feel. Express your enthusiasm for her and your desire to see where things could go, but also mention that her lack of follow-through is causing confusion.

Also, consider setting boundaries for yourself. If you feel like you're putting in a lot of effort and not getting much in return, it's okay to take a step back and reassess the situation. Keep an open mind about dating other people while still keeping communication channels open with Susan if you're interested.

Remember, communication is key in any relationship. If things don't improve or if Susan remains unresponsive, you might have to accept that it might not be the right match for you. It's essential to find someone who values your time and effort just as much as you value theirs.

Lastly, don't be disheartened by this experience. Sometimes we encounter bumps in the dating road, but they can lead us to something better in the future. Keep being true to yourself, and the right person will appreciate and reciprocate your efforts.

Wishing you all the best on your dating journey! Keep your chin up, and remember, you deserve someone who's excited to be with you and makes you feel valued. Happy dating!