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Hello everyone,
I have a question for those of you reading this, but first, let me provide some context to help you understand the situation better.
Back when I was around 11 years old, I started spending a lot of time with a girl who had been in the same school as me since first grade. Our relationship was incredibly close - we were practically inseparable for years. We'd sleep over at each other's places, have lengthy conversations before falling asleep, and knew each other's deepest desires and problems. After a few years of this, around 13 years old, I asked her if we could become a couple. She declined, very gently, and I understood. I was always a bit ahead of my peers and realized that she wasn't quite ready to think about relationships at that age. It seemed reasonable.
Despite the rejection, we maintained our wonderful relationship for several more years. We even went on holidays with each other's families, and it was pretty much an open secret that we would eventually end up together. So, when I turned 15, I decided to give it another shot. This time, the rejection was quite harsh. She told me that if I couldn't just be her friend, we shouldn't be in each other's lives because it made her uncomfortable. To not lose her, I buried my feelings and became overly cautious about what I said or did to ensure my emotions stayed hidden. I got really good at it – maybe too good.
Following that, I resolved to work on myself, all the while trying to prove that I was the best choice for her. I fought this internal battle until the end of high school, where I made one final attempt. It ended in a significant rejection, and a few weeks later, she told me she had slept with my best friend out of nowhere. To this day, I don't understand why. This shattered the life I had envisioned for myself, which I had clung to for years.
In response, I moved abroad with the mindset that I needed to become incredibly successful and attractive. My plan was to return eventually, hoping she would then realize my worth. I worked tirelessly for nearly a decade, often holding down two jobs and working up to 16 hours a day. I also pursued a university degree while actively investing in the stock market. After this ten-year grind, all with her in mind, I returned to my home country for good.
Despite everything that had happened, she came to see me as soon as I returned, as we had remained close. I was finally ready to take our relationship to the next level, but when she arrived, she handed me an invitation to her wedding. It was at this point that I realized it was all over. I let go of my feelings for her and started seeking a different life purpose and goal. Thankfully, I had accumulated significant wealth and properties, so I didn't regret those years of effort.
After some time, I started dating, which was a first for me. While I am not technically a virgin, I had only had one drunken encounter that didn't go well due to my excitement. This failure further eroded my already low confidence. However, something unusual started happening on the few dates I went on. Every girl I went out with ended up becoming just a friend. They all expressed their affection for me, like they loved me as a brother, and wished they could find someone like me.
This brings me to the issue I'm facing. I've unintentionally learned to suppress any feelings or signs of affection, and it's become natural for me to do so. I truly don't know how to escape from this pattern, especially considering that, aside from this, my life is close to perfect. But after two decades, I long to feel close to someone.
This is where I need your opinion: I'm considering paying an escort to teach me how to behave like a 'normal' man, so to speak. I'm hoping it might trigger something in my mind that allows me to interact normally with women I'm interested in. I've worked so hard to secure myself and loved ones, but there's no one to share that success and love with. What do you all think?
I have a question for those of you reading this, but first, let me provide some context to help you understand the situation better.
Back when I was around 11 years old, I started spending a lot of time with a girl who had been in the same school as me since first grade. Our relationship was incredibly close - we were practically inseparable for years. We'd sleep over at each other's places, have lengthy conversations before falling asleep, and knew each other's deepest desires and problems. After a few years of this, around 13 years old, I asked her if we could become a couple. She declined, very gently, and I understood. I was always a bit ahead of my peers and realized that she wasn't quite ready to think about relationships at that age. It seemed reasonable.
Despite the rejection, we maintained our wonderful relationship for several more years. We even went on holidays with each other's families, and it was pretty much an open secret that we would eventually end up together. So, when I turned 15, I decided to give it another shot. This time, the rejection was quite harsh. She told me that if I couldn't just be her friend, we shouldn't be in each other's lives because it made her uncomfortable. To not lose her, I buried my feelings and became overly cautious about what I said or did to ensure my emotions stayed hidden. I got really good at it – maybe too good.
Following that, I resolved to work on myself, all the while trying to prove that I was the best choice for her. I fought this internal battle until the end of high school, where I made one final attempt. It ended in a significant rejection, and a few weeks later, she told me she had slept with my best friend out of nowhere. To this day, I don't understand why. This shattered the life I had envisioned for myself, which I had clung to for years.
In response, I moved abroad with the mindset that I needed to become incredibly successful and attractive. My plan was to return eventually, hoping she would then realize my worth. I worked tirelessly for nearly a decade, often holding down two jobs and working up to 16 hours a day. I also pursued a university degree while actively investing in the stock market. After this ten-year grind, all with her in mind, I returned to my home country for good.
Despite everything that had happened, she came to see me as soon as I returned, as we had remained close. I was finally ready to take our relationship to the next level, but when she arrived, she handed me an invitation to her wedding. It was at this point that I realized it was all over. I let go of my feelings for her and started seeking a different life purpose and goal. Thankfully, I had accumulated significant wealth and properties, so I didn't regret those years of effort.
After some time, I started dating, which was a first for me. While I am not technically a virgin, I had only had one drunken encounter that didn't go well due to my excitement. This failure further eroded my already low confidence. However, something unusual started happening on the few dates I went on. Every girl I went out with ended up becoming just a friend. They all expressed their affection for me, like they loved me as a brother, and wished they could find someone like me.
This brings me to the issue I'm facing. I've unintentionally learned to suppress any feelings or signs of affection, and it's become natural for me to do so. I truly don't know how to escape from this pattern, especially considering that, aside from this, my life is close to perfect. But after two decades, I long to feel close to someone.
This is where I need your opinion: I'm considering paying an escort to teach me how to behave like a 'normal' man, so to speak. I'm hoping it might trigger something in my mind that allows me to interact normally with women I'm interested in. I've worked so hard to secure myself and loved ones, but there's no one to share that success and love with. What do you all think?
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