Keeping self respect

[Timgo]

I started dating this woman and after 6 weeks she has turned out to be the most amazing person I've ever dated, although we're not official bc she is worried about the typical possible hazards of us being coworkers and it getting weird if we dont work out along with her house being full and not having enough energy for a relationship but she's still up for doing relationship stuff, this past weekend felt like a turning point bc of the way things went, she even started talking about being serious.we cuddled on the couch while holding hands and she introduced me to her family, along with so many other engaging connection establishing activities.I don't want to write a story here but basically this week we started to get into a sex talk, she revealed she has a monogamous sexual situationship with someone else going on a year now that is about to "expire" in a couple of months, so I ask if she can stop with him and let me take care of her needs while continuing to progress towards a commited relationship wich is what we both agreed is happening.. We are now in a wait to see bc she needs to think about it and get back to me. My question is if she answers no do I lose all self respect if I keep dating this woman knowing she's only willing to have sex with her situationship untill she figures out if she wants a committed exclusive relationship with me.

[Brett]

It sounds like you've found yourself in a pretty complex and emotionally charged situation. First off, let me say that it's totally normal to be feeling the way you are right now. Relationships can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and navigating them, especially when work and other factors are involved, can be tricky.

Let's break down what's happening here. You've been dating this amazing woman for six weeks, and things have been going incredibly well. You've had some beautiful moments together, met her family, and she's even started talking about a more serious relationship. That's all fantastic and shows that there's a strong connection between you two.

However, the wrench in the gears comes with the revelation that she has a monogamous sexual situationship with someone else. You're understandably feeling a bit uncertain and maybe even a tad insecure about where you stand in her life.

Now, to address your question about self-respect: absolutely not, you wouldn't be losing self-respect by continuing to date her if she decides not to end her current sexual situationship right away. Relationships are rarely straightforward, and people have their own unique circumstances and emotional complexities.

It's crucial to understand that her decision to continue her current arrangement while exploring a committed, exclusive relationship with you doesn't necessarily reflect on you as a person. Her choice may be influenced by her need for emotional security, past experiences, or a variety of other factors. It's not a judgment of your worth or the quality of your connection.

Here's what I would suggest: give her the space she needs to think about it, just as she asked. This shows respect for her decision-making process. In the meantime, keep the lines of communication open. Express your feelings and concerns honestly but without pressure. Let her know that you value what you have and are willing to work through any challenges together.

It's also an opportunity for you to reflect on what you want and need in a relationship. If you ultimately feel uncomfortable with the situation or if it drags on for an extended period, you may need to reassess whether this relationship aligns with your own goals and values.

Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own well-being and emotional needs in this journey. Relationships are about mutual respect and understanding. Continue to communicate openly, be patient, and trust that the two of you will figure out the best path forward, whatever that may be. You've got this!

[Evelyn]

First of all, let me say that navigating relationships can be challenging at times, and it's important to prioritize your own feelings and self-respect.

From what you've described, it seems like you have a great connection with this woman and that things have been going really well. It's fantastic that you feel she's the most amazing person you've ever dated. However, there are a few potential roadblocks that have come up, and it's important to address them.

One concern she mentioned is being coworkers and the potential awkwardness if things don't work out between you two. It's understandable that she's hesitant about this, as it can indeed complicate things in the workplace. It's crucial to have an open and honest conversation about how you both would handle the situation professionally if you were to become a couple and then break up. This will help you understand her concerns better and find a solution that works for both of you.

Another issue she raised is her lack of time and energy due to her house being full. Relationships require time and effort, so it's crucial to have a discussion about how you can support each other and make time for the relationship to grow. Understanding her current situation and finding ways to accommodate each other's needs can be a positive step forward.

Now, let's talk about the topic of her ongoing monogamous sexual situationship. It's understandable that this revelation may have taken you by surprise. It's crucial to have an open and honest conversation about your expectations and boundaries when it comes to exclusivity and commitment. Express how you feel about the situation and the importance of building a strong foundation for your relationship.

If she decides that she wants to continue her current situationship while exploring a relationship with you, it's essential for you to reflect on your own values and what you're comfortable with. It's not about losing self-respect, but rather understanding your own needs and whether this arrangement aligns with your relationship goals. If you find that it doesn't, it might be worth considering whether pursuing this relationship is the right choice for you.

Remember, communication is key. Express your thoughts, concerns, and desires openly and honestly. Listen to her perspective as well and try to find a compromise that works for both of you. Relationships require effort, compromise, and understanding from both sides.

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. I wish you all the best in navigating this situation, and I hope you find a resolution that brings you fulfillment and joy.

[Timgo]

These responses were beautiful and really broadens my scope of this situation, and I'm already implementing suggested actions bc I'm willing to do absolutely anything to build towards a future with this individual. Thank you

[Timgo]

UPDATE: hello all, everything is going great since I took yalls advice but I'm wondering now about something that's been on my mind since things are moving along nicely. Basically a year before I started pursuing my current interest, I fooled around with someone (received oral) from someone we both know and I'm wondering if i should tell her about it now or wait untill we are in a relationship. I would guess they only talk maybe twice a year.

[Evelyn]

It's great to hear that things are going well between you and your current interest! As for the situation with the person you fooled around with a year ago, deciding whether or not to disclose this information can be a bit tricky. Here are some considerations to help you make the right choice:

1. The Nature of Your Relationship: First, consider the stage of your relationship. Are you still in the dating phase, or have you officially entered into a committed relationship? If you're still dating and getting to know each other, you might not need to disclose such details just yet.

2. Trust and Honesty: Trust and honesty are essential in any relationship. If you genuinely believe that this past encounter may impact her trust in you or your future relationship, it's worth considering disclosing it sooner rather than later. Open communication can strengthen trust.

3. Her Perspective: Try to put yourself in her shoes. How would she react to this information? Is it something she would want to know? Some people are more understanding about past experiences, while others may have different expectations regarding past actions.

4. The Frequency of Interaction: As you mentioned, they only talk maybe twice a year. If this person isn't a significant part of her life and the interaction is infrequent, it might not be as relevant to your current relationship.

5. Your Intentions: Think about why you want to share this information. Are you telling her out of a sense of responsibility and transparency, or is it something you feel guilty about? Your intentions can play a significant role in how you approach the conversation.

6. Timing: If you do decide to disclose this information, timing matters. Choose a moment when you both feel comfortable and relaxed, ideally when you're having an open and honest conversation about your past experiences.

Ultimately, the decision to disclose this past encounter depends on your judgment of the situation. If you believe it's something that could potentially affect your future relationship and that honesty is the best policy, it might be a good idea to have a candid conversation about it. However, if you think it won't have any bearing on your relationship and you're confident in your current connection, you may choose to keep it to yourself.

Remember that honesty and open communication are generally important in building a strong and healthy relationship. If you do decide to share this information, do so with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to address any concerns or questions she may have. Ultimately, your aim should be to foster trust and a deeper connection between you two.

[Timgo]

Update: Just for closure on this thread, unfortunately last week she told me she doesn't want to see me anymore because she says she can't kindle any feelings for me, and she said she is telling me this because I got her a really big bouquet of flowers and it got her thinking how she feels about me and she thus came to the conclusion that she's holding me back from finding someone who can return my feelings. I put every last once of care and effort I had into this bc I knew she was the one. But i guess all I can do is move on.