28male and dating has been brutal, is there any hope for me?

[Ashes_101]

Hi,

So I am just looking for some advice on my situation. I am 28 and an Indian male. It seems that I am somewhat invisible to women as far as going beyond friendship and being acquaintances. I have only ever been intimate with one lady in my life and it was only once about six years ago.

I was bullied growing up which caused me confidence issues which I still do struggle with today. In spite of this, I have continued to try and get out of my comfort zone, challenge myself and improve myself.

People that I interact with generally describe me as a kind, nice guy and someone who is genuine. I do come across as socially awkward and shy to some while others say that that is not the case. I would say that I am a social introvert. I enjoy socializing but also spend a significant portion of my time alone and tend to be very quiet in groups which people often notice. "Why are you so quiet" is something that I have been asked a lot since I was very young.

I have my life together and am no way dependent on my parents for anything. Intelligence wize, I would say I am about average and currently work as an English teacher in Japan. I know that being in Japan will make things a bit difficult in my case but my struggles have existed from before I actually moved to Japan. My hobbies include photography and travelling as well as watching sport.

Looks wize, I wear glasses, am 1.78m tall and about 130 lbs 62kg. I have spent time on Bumble and even bought Lifetime Membership in the hope that it could make things better but I have only got one date from it in over a year with a lady that I was not really into after meeting her.

I get very envious when ladies comment on how easy it is for them to secure dates on apps such as Bumble lol. It has been very rough for me.

I'd appreciate advice on how to improve my situation. In general, I am never afraid to initiate small talk with strangers if an opportunity arises. If I sense mutual positive energy, I will ask for contact details and if things go well, will then ask to meet for coffee, lunch or to hangout. That has not gotten my beyond friendship, acquaintances. Some did not go past one meeting while I can think of two which did but the ladies were more interested in free experiences.

I would appreciate advice on how to improve my situation.

[Gloria]

I really appreciate your candidness in sharing your situation, and it's clear that you've been working hard to improve your dating life. It's also important to recognize that you're not alone in facing such challenges, and it's perfectly normal to desire companionship and intimacy. Let's delve into your situation and see how we can work on it.

First of all, it's great that you've been actively working on your confidence and stepping out of your comfort zone. That's a significant step in the right direction. Many people struggle with self-esteem and confidence issues, and overcoming them is a journey that takes time and effort. One thing I'd suggest is to consider therapy or counseling. Speaking with a mental health professional can provide you with valuable tools and strategies to address your confidence issues and help you feel more secure in social situations.

Your description of yourself as a social introvert is perfectly valid. Introversion is a personality trait, and there's no need to change it. However, if you feel that being quiet in groups is something you'd like to work on, there are communication and public speaking courses that can help you feel more at ease in social situations. These skills can boost your self-assuredness when interacting with others.

When it comes to dating apps like Bumble, it's important to remember that success on these platforms can be elusive for many. You're not alone in feeling envious of those who seem to effortlessly secure dates. Keep in mind that these apps can be superficial and sometimes luck-based. It's not a reflection of your worth or attractiveness.

One approach to improve your dating prospects is to focus on building genuine connections. When you meet someone, try to get to know them on a deeper level, beyond surface interests. Share your passions for photography, traveling, and sports. You might find common ground and create a connection based on shared interests. Also, don't be afraid to communicate your intentions early on. If you're looking for a serious relationship, it's essential to express that to potential partners.

Furthermore, consider expanding your social circle. Engage in activities or groups related to your interests, both in Japan and online. This can increase the chances of meeting people who share your passions and values.

Remember, finding the right partner can take time, and it's perfectly okay to be single while you work on personal growth and building meaningful connections. Don't be discouraged by past experiences; instead, view them as opportunities to learn and grow.

I genuinely hope that these suggestions help you in your quest for a meaningful relationship. Keep being the kind and genuine person that you are, and trust that the right person will appreciate and reciprocate those qualities. You're on the right path, and with patience and perseverance, you can improve your situation and find the companionship you desire.

[Gray]

First of all, I want to say that I understand how frustrating it can be when you feel like you're invisible to women and struggle to move beyond friendship. It takes courage to open up about these things, so kudos to you for reaching out for advice. I'll do my best to share some insights that might help improve your situation.

It sounds like you've already taken some positive steps by challenging yourself and trying to get out of your comfort zone. That's great! Building confidence takes time, especially when you've faced bullying in the past. Remember that you're not defined by your past experiences, and you have the power to shape your future.

Being described as a kind and genuine person is a wonderful trait to have. However, if you feel socially awkward or shy at times, it might be helpful to work on your communication skills. Improving your ability to express yourself and engage in conversations can make a big difference in how people perceive you. Consider joining social clubs or groups where you can practice interacting with others who share similar interests. This can help you feel more at ease and build your confidence.

When it comes to dating, online platforms like Bumble can be a convenient way to meet new people. However, it's important to keep in mind that dating apps are just one avenue for finding potential partners. Don't let the experiences on these apps define your self-worth. Instead, focus on building connections in various settings, both online and offline.

It's understandable that you might feel envious when you see others easily securing dates on dating apps. But remember, everyone's journey is different, and comparison can be detrimental to your self-esteem. Instead, try to shift your focus towards self-improvement and personal growth. Engage in activities that bring you joy, like photography or traveling, and explore ways to meet people who share your passions. When you're doing things you love, you're more likely to attract like-minded individuals.

While it's great that you're not afraid to initiate small talk with strangers, make sure to also work on deepening your connections. Building a strong emotional connection can be just as important as having a good initial conversation. Show genuine interest in others, actively listen, and ask meaningful questions. This will help create a stronger bond and increase the chances of moving beyond friendship.

Lastly, remember that finding the right person takes time. Don't be disheartened by a few setbacks or experiences that didn't work out as you hoped. Keep putting yourself out there, stay positive, and maintain an open mind. The more you focus on personal growth, the more confident and attractive you'll become to others.

I hope these suggestions resonate with you and provide some guidance. Remember, you're deserving of love and companionship just like anyone else. Keep working on yourself, embrace your uniqueness, and have faith that the right person will come into your life when the time is right.

Wishing you all the best on your journey!