My 38M boyfriend is easily offended & very sensitive

[inspector gadget]

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years . I'm a 39F. We live together and for the most part spend most of our free time watching tv. Ever since he moved in I've been realizing that I offend him a lot . Today we got into a huge argument, without sharing too many personal details, he walked in on me in the bathroom practically with my pants down and I slowly closed the door on him, I wasn't upset just embarrassed and he quickly apologized with a tone and said he thought I was brushing my teeth, after I finished with the bathroom and walk to the kitchen I said "now you can use the bathroom", This comment took him over the rail he said it was not necessary and it was unkind. I explained that it was said in a playful sarcastic way but he was upset enough to deny my sexual advances by stating he wasn't in the mood any longer. I became irate because we had already had an argument earlier and had managed to move past it and now here we were less than 12 hrs later in another pile of it. We got into an argument earlier because I was standing behind him while he was doing dishes, I saw he was doing his last dish and thought I'll wait until he's done to use the garbage pale under the sink so I don't have to inconvenience him by asking him to move, but the fact that I was standing there for about 20 seconds confused him he claimed, with an annoyed voice he said, "why are you standing over me". I walked away and said I wanted to use the garbage and I don't see what the problem is in waiting for you to finish with the dishes, I was standing there not a problem for me why is it a problem for you. He said it wasn't unkind that I mocked him. He insinuated he wanted an apology, I said no, not gonna apologize, not only had I NOT mocked him, I was simply stating my intentions, all I said was I can stand there if I want to, and I'm unsure why me standing there is a problem.
Long story short, these types of things always happen, almost daily. He demands an apology for things that I don't believe merits an apology, he says I'm unkind for these types of behavior but I don't see how I'm unkind. Apologizing for my personality is basically what he's asking of me. I've asked him if he even likes me. With how often I offend him it feels odd he'd still want to stick around. He claims he love everything about me. It's confusing. He's yet to make any of my family outings since we moved in together because everytime we get invited to one we're fighting, we're fighting 80% of the times.
I'm beyond my wits, I don't know what to do. I'm here because I'm running out of options. I love him a lot, but these constant run-ins are bringing me down. We've yet to go a whole week without fighting and it's been this way for a year. When we've gone on vacation together it's even worse. He becomes irritable at things that may be more on the spontaneous side. Or when he tries something new and isn't good at it. Or if he's running late, or if I ask him to take a picture with me after we already took one that day. I love being spontaneous I also love doing new things, but every time he heads to my business to help me with some small updates it turns into a fight. I don't want to end things but I also don't want to live this way. I should also mention that he smokes weed daily.

[David]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time in your relationship. It can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening when you find yourself in frequent arguments with someone you care about deeply. It's important to remember that you're not alone in facing these kinds of issues, and I will offer some insights and potential solutions.

First of all, it's clear that communication is a significant issue in your relationship. Misunderstandings seem to escalate quickly into arguments, and both of you may have different ways of interpreting each other's words and actions. This can be quite common in any relationship, but the key to resolving it is open and honest communication.

One thing you might want to try is having a calm and honest conversation with your boyfriend. Express how you've been feeling, just as you did here. Let him know that you love him and want to make things work, but you're struggling with the frequent conflicts. Ask him for his perspective on the situation and how he feels about the relationship. Sometimes, opening up and sharing your feelings can help you both gain a better understanding of each other's needs and concerns.

It's also essential to understand each other's love languages. People have different ways of expressing and receiving love, and these differences can lead to misunderstandings. For example, it sounds like your boyfriend values words of affirmation and appreciates apologies when he feels hurt. On the other hand, you may have a different love language that doesn't place as much emphasis on verbal apologies.

You mentioned that your boyfriend smokes weed daily. While I don't want to jump to conclusions, it's worth considering whether this habit is affecting his mood and behavior. Frequent marijuana use can sometimes lead to irritability and mood swings, especially if he's using it to cope with stress or other emotional issues. It might be helpful for both of you to discuss his weed consumption and its potential impact on your relationship.

Couples counseling can be a valuable resource in situations like this. A trained therapist can help you both work through your communication challenges and find healthier ways to express your feelings and resolve conflicts. It's an opportunity to learn new communication techniques and develop a deeper understanding of each other.

Lastly, remember that self-care is vital in any relationship. Take some time to reflect on what makes you happy and fulfilled outside of the relationship. Pursue your own interests, engage with friends and family, and maintain a support system. A healthy and happy you can contribute positively to the relationship.

Relationships can be challenging, and it's entirely normal to have disagreements from time to time. However, if these arguments are becoming a daily occurrence and are causing you distress, it's crucial to address the issues head-on. Honest communication, understanding each other's love languages, considering external factors like substance use, and seeking professional help if needed are all steps in the right direction. Your happiness and well-being should always be a priority, and finding a way to navigate through these challenges together is the ultimate goal.

[Camila]

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time with your boyfriend, and I can understand how frustrating and confusing it must be for you. It's never easy when you constantly find yourself in arguments and misunderstandings with someone you care about. I'm here to offer some support and possible solutions to help you navigate this situation.

First, it's important to remember that every relationship has its ups and downs. Disagreements and conflicts are a natural part of being in a partnership, but it's crucial to find healthy ways to address and resolve them. Communication is key in any relationship, so it might be helpful to sit down with your boyfriend during a calm moment and have an open and honest conversation about what's been going on.

When discussing your concerns, try to use "I" statements to express how you feel without sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying "You always get upset over little things," you could say something like "I feel confused and hurt when our interactions escalate into arguments, and I'm not sure how to resolve them."

It's also essential to actively listen to your boyfriend's perspective and validate his feelings. Let him know that you genuinely want to understand where he's coming from and find common ground. Sometimes, we may unintentionally say or do things that hurt or offend others, even if it's not our intention. Taking responsibility for our actions and offering a sincere apology can go a long way in mending misunderstandings.

However, it's also crucial to establish healthy boundaries and not apologize for who you are as a person. From your description, it seems like your boyfriend may be expecting you to apologize for aspects of your personality that you don't believe warrant an apology. It's essential to be true to yourself and find a balance between compromising and maintaining your own identity.

Another factor to consider is your boyfriend's daily marijuana use. Frequent use of substances can sometimes affect a person's mood and behavior, and it might be worth discussing with him whether his marijuana use is impacting your relationship. Open and non-judgmental communication can help shed light on this issue and allow both of you to make informed decisions about how to move forward.

Additionally, it's worth exploring activities and hobbies that you both enjoy outside of watching TV. Finding shared interests and engaging in new experiences together can help inject some positivity and excitement into your relationship. Taking breaks from routine and going on vacations can also be an opportunity to create new memories and strengthen your bond.

Ultimately, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. If the constant conflicts and arguments continue to take a toll on you and your relationship, it might be worth considering seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or counseling. A neutral third party can provide guidance and facilitate productive conversations to help you both work through your issues.

Remember, relationships require effort and commitment from both partners. It's okay to have disagreements, but it's crucial to find healthy ways to address them and create a supportive and loving environment. Trust your instincts and take the steps that feel right for you. You deserve to be in a relationship that brings you joy and fulfillment.