The Easy Way To Get Multiple Women To Compete For You

[Rob]

After a ton of fun dating multiple women I've gone exclusive with a phenomenal girl.

I was at a salsa dancing class last night without my girlfriend. I had two different women ask me out for a drink, one an older divorcee, the other a younger student.

Obviously I politely declined both and later told my girlfriend. That got me thinking about something you mention a fair bit; that women say they want a man to themselves, but often they actually will compete for a man.

My question is how does that dynamic work, especially in an exclusive LTR?

I see my future with my girlfriend. I don't want anyone else. And I make that clear to her! So how do you keep a woman's urge to compete for her man satiated?

[Dennis]

Hello Rob:

Your question is a good one. The best way to answer it would be to explore the idea of a woman actually wanting to compete for you, as you implied the last sentence of your message.

The desire to compete is firmly rooted in masculinity. So, I'm pretty sure that women don't typically want to compete at all. In fact, they detest it.

But they sure will do it if they sense you are the man they want long term, won't they?

Perhaps surprisingly, the actual central concept at play here is really not gender specific.

People buy on the approval of others. Neither we as guys nor women want someone who nobody else finds attractive.

But when someone is indeed attractive to others, that validates our attraction toward them in our own mind.

This is exactly why back in high school or college it seemed like we could go dateless for weeks or months, only to have girls come out of the woodwork flirting and showing interest once we actually got a girlfriend.

Frustrating, wasn't it? I mean, where were all those girls before?

Well, they were always there but they only began to take real notice of you after another girl did.

There's really no question about it: When it comes to attraction, the rich really do get richer.

That's one of the reasons why I always say, "If you can attract one high quality woman, you can attract many more."

If you have a high quality woman interested, it's almost never a fluke. And yes, that also naturally intrigues other women.

So I think it's absolutely a good thing your woman knows other women are into you. But obviously, you've still got to make her feel safe and comfortable in your presence as a "big four" man.

As such, when you mention that someone showed interest in you but that you declined to reciprocate that interest it actually does two things.

First, it reinforces her attraction for you in the way we've discussed above.

But your willingness to share the story and how you handled it also demonstrates to her that you're willing to communicate with her and tell her the truth about what goes on when she's not with you.

A woman loves having that warm fuzzy feeling, knowing she has a guy like that in her life.

So now that we've described the dynamics of what tends to go on relative to the topic you brought up, only the objective answer to your most pressing question remains.

Does your woman really need to continue to compete for you in order to feel satisfied?

Well, as I said I don't believe women like to compete, even though they will.

At some point she needs to know she won, just like you do.

I mean, regardless of what other dating experts tend to say about "never allowing oneself to be fully 'caught'" you just can't go through life feeling as if you could lose your significant other to someone else at any given moment.

That sucks.

Then again, allowing her to feel as if she won you doesn't mean you've been conquered. You don't ever want to become henpecked and subject to her every whim, of course.

Rather, it only means that you continuously make it clear that the choice has been made by you to select her--preferably from a position of strength (i.e. abundance) rather than weakness (i.e. desperation).

When she hears about other women respond positively to you or sees it first hand--and yet you continue to favor her--that more than does the job.

Rock on, my good man.

[Damian]

Several years ago I knew a woman who had a very real problem. She couldn't get past the second or third date with a guy without him showing up for the fourth date with a ring. Essentially, every single guy she agreed to go on a date with-pretty much without exception-fell in love, fell hard, and knew very quickly that he'd be foolish to let this woman go. So this was a rare woman indeed. And guys sensed it. They all WANTED to marry her. No "freedom loss" or "cutting their nuts off". They DESIRED a committed relationship with this woman...and FAST.

She was beautiful, talented, fun to be around, earned a multiple six-figure income, and was of impeccable character. She seemed 21 though her chronological age was 35. And she was also humble and utterly blind to social pretense. In her mind, all she was ever doing on dates was being her smiling, affable self.

But begrudgingly, she knew she had to do what she had to do. So she did what I refer to as "Charm Throttling". Seriously, she began to ratchet back the "shock and awe" of her overall sharpness a few notches when she started dating a guy.

Now, by no means did she change who she was at her core. Not at all. Rather, she simply held a few of the more impressive cards in her deck in reserve for a while.

When you find yourself face to face with a woman of fantastically exceptional quality, you may very well find that she behaves toward you in a similar manner. So "heads up", there.

But I have a better reason for bringing all this up. And that is that I fully expect YOU to have to learn this lesson for yourself in the very near future, because it's not exactly a gender specific one. You may even need to figure it out RIGHT NOW, yet you don't even realize it yet.

Here's the deal. Granted, the vast majority of guys out there will spend their entire lives begging for a date with even mediocre women. Of the minority that remain, most will be thrilled to end up with a great woman...ANY great woman. But just like the woman I just told you about was a rare, exquisite gem amongst a sea of women who wonder why their boyfriends (if any) hang around for years without marrying them, you have the ability to be an AMAZING MAN who stops even the sharpest women dead in their tracks.

Women actively COMPETE to WIN guys like that. And you guessed it: Those are the guys who have TOTAL CONTROL over their dating lives.

I know what you're saying. "Scot, that's got to be fewer than 1% of all guys." Granted. But also remember that over 99% of all guys are too bullheaded to ask for directions. And even when guys DO ask for directions when getting better with women, they end up learning how to "pickup" strippers or something.

So simply by being here, I'd say your odds are pretty good. By even THINKING about the goal of attracting and building relationships with the world's sharpest women, you could be in the top 1% of that 1%. And no...that's not an overstatement.

I can count on one hand the number of men I have known in my social circle who intentionalized great success with women as such. But I know multi-millionaires, professional athletes, charismatic personalities and even really nice guys who "settled".

So once again I'm going to appeal to your sense of ambition and greatness. I want you to BELIEVE you are capable AND ready to attract the highest quality women on Earth. And when you start putting into practice the "Big Four" I'm so fond of harping on (confidence, ability to inspire confidence, character and masculinity) you will indeed start seeing phenomenal occurrences on first and second dates. Some would call it supernatural, even.

As a man you LEAD. And women are naturally hard-wired to FOLLOW that LEAD. So the magnitude of the effect you cast upon any woman who agrees to go out on a date with you could in fact be EXPONENTIALLY greater than any amount of charm my female friend was able to enrapture guys with.

Remember, if a woman is out on a date with you, she already found you attractive. AND...you've got to bear in mind that who you are at your INNER CORE is what really grabs a woman by the heartstrings. So WHO YOU ARE on those first few dates is going to MAKE OR BREAK THAT.

What happens if you are "Mr. Nice Guy", desperate, a "kiss up", a weak decision maker, a lousy kisser (if able to pull the trigger at all), boring and/or downright creepy? Your stock plummets, that's what. And don't ask how many decent looking, athletic, "GQ" looking dudes I know who have women smile at them all the time...but can't EVER move things to the second date.

But when you are a "Big Four" man, you certainly enjoy a near 100% probability that first dates will naturally turn into second dates and third dates, etc...for as long as you care to extend things. We've talked before about how to give a WOMAN the "JBF Talk. Get used to that.

But here's something you're also going to have to think about. Is it really fair to bring your "big guns" on a first date and charm a woman literally into submission? I think some of us build up our skills with women then fine-tune them to a point where we literally don't know the power of our presence. This is a stage of development toward mastery with women that I've never, ever heard any other dating or seduction teacher talk about. Perhaps because it's the "final frontier" of sorts. Could it be that the crowning achievement of being excellent with women is understanding the concept of "Charm Throttling"?

No matter what your answer to that question is, one thing's for sure: WITHOUT IT, you are not a "master" just yet. Why? Because a "Big Four" man who unleashes the full power of his presence is bringing a bazooka to a knife fight every time he shows up for a date with a woman. Make that a NUCLEAR WEAPON. Sure, your goal is to knock a woman's socks off. So you have your style and grooming down and you respect women even as you lead effectively.

But what happens when you can pull that off while making a woman laugh, AND while making her feel like a REAL WOMAN in your presence...all the while inspiring that warm-fuzzy "safe" feeling whenever she is around you? Well, then you have a BIG PROBLEM, pardner. That's when you're going to have EVERY WOMAN you go on a first date with FALLING IN LOVE with you...FAST.

Face it, and take it like a man. If you represent the "Big Four", you represent what WOMEN WANT. And almost ZERO PERCENT of all guys can get that right. Notice I haven't even mentioned good looks, a great education, a heavy-duty bank account or...God forbid...musical talent just yet.

Whatever you pile on to the "Big Four" is just fuel for the fire here. You can-and will-enthrall women like a "one percenter" on the "Big Four" alone.

So what's a guy at the zenith of masculine attractiveness supposed to do? Well, like my female friend did on her dates...you've got to RATCHET IT BACK. If you find women are starting to SERIOUSLY try to lock you down FAST, let that be a CLEAR sign. It's a sign that you have become ATTRACTIVE to even the sharpest women. Moreover, it's a blatant indicator that you have COMPLETE CONTROL over your dating life. And that means, of course, that you just can't drive that Ferrari with the pedal to the metal all the time. REALIZE that your charm will ensnare women. And back off.

Be JUST A BIT colder. JUST A BIT more reserved. HOLD BACK on the truly impressive answers you could give to her basic questions. If you feel her falling fast, DO NOT give her that ridiculous "sky is falling" kiss that will melt her in to a pool of mush. It's just NOT FAIR to do that. Once a woman feels comfortable in your presence and her femininity has been ignited, she will want to give herself to you sexually. And once that happens under these circumstances, she's likely got wedding bells chiming in her head. You know about "for whom the bell tolls", right? Welcome to how even the sharpest of the sharp guys out there end up "settling". If the woman you're dealing with happens to have a strong personality and can "game" you like none other, plan on the Mother Of All Guilt Trips aimed squarely at keeping you roped in.

What's the ultimate solution here? You've GOT to keep some if not MOST of your natural, masculine charm in reserve, and hold it for the woman you WANT to fall in love with you. Otherwise, you're flat-out not going to be able to date multiple women effectively. Having to JBF them all after two dates because they "fell in love with you" already is decidedly NOT effective.

Remember, YOU are in charge. This means YOU should be able to manage your relationships well enough to be able to evaluate the long-term potential of the women in your life on YOUR terms.

Importantly, can you see the difference between "Charm Throttling" and being someone you're not? We're not talking about artificially becoming some sort of jerk, or feigning a type of weakness so as to give women pause. Not at all. Those are ridiculous ideas. Rather, this is about RESERVE. This is about opening the window of who you are JUST A BIT at a time for her. You remain AUTHENTIC and CONGRUENT to your true, ridiculously sharp self. But you have some respect for the women you are just meeting.

Now look, if you meet a woman and she can clearly handle the full impact of who you are without letting you steal her heart in two dates, then you've likely met your match there. That woman is NOT who I'm writing to you about today. That said, don't be fooled by "cool girls" who seem oblivious on the outside. They can fall just as hard underneath that witty, tough-talking exterior. Most of the time, you're going to have to take the wisdom that comes from recognizing your power as a "Big Four" man on first dates and exercise caution...and RESERVE...when you first meet women.