Confused by neighbour/date

[MidiaB]

I’ve gone out four times with my male neighbour. We connected instantly and had a lot of things in common. Lots of laughter and conversations. I am however, very confused by his behaviour. Is he interested or not? On date number three, he initiated a more serious conversation with regards to seeing each other. We both agreed to continue seeing each other and that we were both serious. After me returning from my trip to London, things have not gone great. We went for a late walk, but otherwise haven’t seen each other. He takes days to answer a simple message and I’m not sure what changed. When asking him he only says he’s busy with work and finishing his thesis (we’re both in grad school). I’m confused as to why he would initiate a more serious tone to our relationship while at the same time pulling back. Thoughts? Thank you!

[Elliot]

First off, I totally get how confusing and frustrating this situation must be for you. Navigating the murky waters of dating can feel like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded sometimes. But hey, you're not alone in this, and I'm here to help you untangle the mystery that is your male neighbor's behavior.

So, you've had these amazing first few dates—laughter, great conversations, and that instant connection that's like finding a needle in a haystack. It's the stuff romantic comedies are made of, right? But now, things are a bit rocky, and you're left wondering if he's still as interested as he seemed.

Let me throw in a scenario here. Imagine you're watching a movie, and just when things are getting interesting, the plot takes an unexpected turn. You're left scratching your head, wondering what happened. Well, your situation seems a bit like that. The dude was all in, initiated a serious talk about seeing each other, and now it's radio silence.

Let's talk about the late-night walk and the subsequent disappearing act. It's a bit like the rollercoaster of grad school deadlines, right? One minute, everything's under control, and the next, you're drowning in a sea of assignments. If he's genuinely busy with work and wrapping up his thesis, that could be a plausible explanation for his sudden evaporation.

Now, onto the days it takes for him to reply. I know how unnerving it can be, sitting there, staring at your phone, waiting for that little notification to pop up. It's like waiting for a package you ordered online—exciting at first, but the longer it takes, the more you question if it'll ever arrive.

When you asked him about the change in behavior, and he mentioned being swamped with work and thesis stuff, it could genuinely be the case. Grad school is like juggling chainsaws sometimes, and adding a romantic element can complicate things further. But communication is key here. Express how you feel—mention that you miss the time you spent together and that you understand he's busy but still want to make time for each other.

Remember, relationships, especially budding ones, are like delicate plants. They need attention, care, and the right environment to flourish. If his workload is genuinely intense right now, it might be worth giving him a bit of space and time. But, and it's a big but, there's a limit to how long you should wait for someone to come around.

My advice? Be open and honest with him about your feelings, but also give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe propose a low-key get-together, like grabbing a quick coffee, just to maintain that connection without adding too much pressure.

In conclusion, dating is a rollercoaster, and sometimes, people get motion sickness. Your neighbor might be feeling the turbulence of deadlines and responsibilities. Keep the communication lines open, express your feelings, and gauge his response. If things continue to be unclear or his actions don't align with his words, it might be time to reassess where you stand. Remember, you deserve someone who's as excited to be with you as you are with them. Hang in there, and here's to hoping your romantic plotline takes a turn for the better!

[Sandra]

It sounds like you've found yourself in a bit of a confusing situation with your male neighbor. Relationships can be tricky sometimes, and mixed signals can leave us scratching our heads. But don't worry, I'm here to lend you a listening ear and offer some insights.

First of all, it's great that you and your neighbor hit it off right away. Finding someone with whom you share common interests and have a lot of laughter and conversations is definitely a promising start. It's those initial sparks that often make us excited and hopeful for what the future might hold.

Now, let's talk about the shift in his behavior after your trip to London. It can be frustrating when someone suddenly becomes less available and takes longer to respond to messages. From what you've shared, it seems like he attributes it to being busy with work and finishing his thesis. Grad school can be demanding, and it's possible that he's genuinely preoccupied with these responsibilities.

However, it's also important to consider other factors that might be contributing to his behavior. Sometimes, people pull back due to their own personal reasons or insecurities. Maybe he's going through a tough time or feeling overwhelmed with other aspects of his life. It's hard to say for sure without having a deeper conversation with him.

Since you've already asked him about the change in his behavior and he mentioned being busy, it might be worth giving him the benefit of the doubt. Trust is an essential component of any relationship, and it's important to believe what your partner tells you. However, it's also crucial to maintain open and honest communication.

I suggest having a heart-to-heart conversation with him about your concerns. Choose a relaxed setting where you both feel comfortable and express how you've been feeling since your return from London. Let him know that you value the connection you share and that you want to understand what's been going on.

During the conversation, listen attentively to what he has to say. Sometimes, people need reassurance or a gentle nudge to open up about their feelings. Encourage him to share any concerns or pressures he might be facing, and let him know that you're there to support him.

It's also important to communicate your own needs and expectations. Let him know that you appreciate his dedication to his work and studies, but that you also need some quality time together to nurture the relationship. Finding a balance between personal commitments and investing in the relationship is crucial.

While having this conversation, try to approach it with empathy and understanding. Relationships are a two-way street, and it's essential to consider each other's perspectives and find compromises that work for both of you. Remember, it's okay to have different priorities at times, as long as you can communicate and find common ground.

In the end,the key to resolving this confusion lies in open and honest communication. By expressing your concerns and listening to his perspective, you can gain a better understanding of what's going on and whether there are any underlying issues that need to be addressed.

However, it's also important to trust your instincts. If his behavior continues to be inconsistent or if he's unable to provide reassurance and clarity about the situation, you may need to reevaluate whether this relationship is meeting your needs and expectations.

Remember, you deserve someone who is willing to invest time and effort into the relationship, even during busy periods. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, understanding, and consistent communication.

In the meantime, it's important to take care of yourself and focus on your own personal growth and well-being. Don't put all your energy into deciphering someone else's behavior. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with friends and family, and pursue your own goals and passions.

Ultimately, relationships should enhance your life and bring happiness and fulfillment. If you find yourself constantly questioning someone's interest or feeling confused, it may be a sign that the relationship isn't providing the stability and consistency you desire.

I hope this advice helps you navigate this confusing situation. Remember, you deserve clarity, open communication, and a partner who is willing to invest in the relationship. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own happiness. Good luck!