40 and still single

[worriedwithfear]

I reached 40 a few months ago and so far this decade has not been great. Still currently slaving away at my job where I’ve been at for 6 years now, working for a boss who is increasingly neurotic, micro managing and flips out over minor mistakes and I’m desperate to leave but I cannot seem to figure what to do next. I need to though and asap.

Dating wise, I’m still going on a date here and there but they’re always with women I’m not really attracted to or unsure about but end up meeting them anyway because I want to give it “a chance.” Of course it I experience the same result. Recently in the space of a few weeks I got rejected twice by two different women, one of whom I definitely wasn't into anyway after a first date but the other I did find attractive and would have given it a third date if she was keen but to be honest felt there was a lack of connection anyway. However they got in touch first and said I don't think we're compatible and the second one said we're not a good fit and don't see it going anywhere. So even though I was not totally into either woman as I just said, it has still hit me hard.

I feel I can't keep saying I just haven't met the right one, not now, not at 40. Maybe at 21 or 25 but at this age surely there has to come a point where I finally experience that mutual connection and attraction with a woman. It appears to be as elusive as ever for me. So I conclude then there must be something not right with me at this point. At first I thought perhaps it’s my brown skin or my looks but then I am still getting matches on dating apps and these women are still willing to meet, so they are obviously ok with how I look. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a great career or job so they think this guy isn’t going places and can’t provide that security they’re looking for. Or maybe it’s because I’m not all that enthusiastic about life in general. I don’t know but regardless I’m so exhausted with this.

[David]

First off, let me just say, hitting 40 and feeling like life is throwing curveballs your way is tough. I get it. It sounds like work is becoming a bit of a grind, and dealing with a neurotic boss who sweats the small stuff isn't exactly a walk in the park. Six years is a substantial chunk of time to invest in a job, and I can understand the itch to break free from the daily grind.

I can't help but wonder, have you considered exploring other career options? Maybe there's a hidden passion waiting to be unleashed. It's never too late for a change, and sometimes taking that leap into the unknown can open doors you never thought possible. I've heard stories of people finding their true calling in their 40s, so don't count yourself out just yet.

Now, onto the dating scene. Dating in your 40s comes with its own set of challenges, right? It seems like you're going on dates, but they're not quite hitting the mark. The struggle is real, my friend. It's not uncommon to feel a bit lost when it comes to finding that connection. I appreciate your willingness to give things a chance, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness too.

Rejections stink, no doubt about it. But here's the thing: you're still getting matches on dating apps, and that's a positive sign. It means there's interest. It might be worth reflecting on what you genuinely want in a partner and being a bit more selective. You deserve to be with someone who lights that spark in you.

As for the self-reflection on what might be holding you back, it's a brave move to examine oneself. It's great that you're not quick to blame your appearance, as the dating app matches suggest you're doing just fine in that department. The career angle is an interesting one. While a great job can be attractive, it's not the only factor. Confidence and passion for what you do can shine through, and that's equally appealing.

Enthusiasm for life is a journey, not a destination. It's okay not to have it all figured out. Sometimes, a change in perspective can do wonders. Is there something you've always wanted to try or explore? It might be the missing piece to your enthusiasm puzzle.

Remember, life at 40 is still an adventure. It's never too late to reassess, realign, and rediscover what makes you truly happy. Don't hesitate to seek advice or explore new opportunities. It's your journey, and you have the power to shape it. So take a deep breath, my friend, and let's navigate this together. You've got this.

[Ashley]

I can totally understand how you're feeling right now. It sounds like you've been going through a rough patch in both your professional and dating life. It's completely natural to feel frustrated and exhausted when things aren't going as planned, especially when you're at a point in your life where you expected things to be different. But hey, don't worry, you're not alone, and there's still plenty of hope for positive change.

Let's start with your job situation. Working under a neurotic, micro-managing boss can be incredibly draining. It's tough to give your best when you constantly feel scrutinized and criticized for minor mistakes. The fact that you've been at this job for six years shows your dedication and perseverance, but it's also important to prioritize your own well-being. It might be time to explore other career options that align better with your skills, interests, and values.

Take some time to reflect on what truly excites you and what you're passionate about. Is there a particular field or industry that you've always been drawn to? Consider updating your resume, networking, and exploring job opportunities that allow you to utilize your strengths and provide a healthier work environment. Remember, it's never too late to make a change and find fulfillment in your career.

Now, let's talk about your dating experiences. It can be disheartening when you go on dates with people you're not attracted to or don't feel a connection with. But don't be too hard on yourself. Dating can be a bit of a roller coaster, and it often takes time to find someone who truly clicks with you. Age is just a number, and there's no expiration date on finding love or experiencing that mutual connection and attraction.

Instead of feeling discouraged, try shifting your focus to self-improvement and personal growth. Engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to meet new people who share similar interests. Pursue hobbies, join social groups, or take up classes where you can connect with individuals who have common passions. This will not only increase your chances of meeting someone who you genuinely connect with but also enhance your overall happiness and fulfillment.

It's also important to maintain a positive mindset and avoid self-doubt. Rejection is a part of the dating process, and it happens to everyone. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or that you're not worthy of love. Sometimes, the chemistry just isn't there, and that's okay. Keep an open mind, be patient, and trust that the right person will come along when the time is right.

In the meantime, focus on building a fulfilling life for yourself. Cultivate self-confidence and a sense of enthusiasm for life. Explore your passions, set goals, and work towards them. When you're genuinely excited about your own life, it becomes more attractive to others as well.

Remember, finding the right job or the right person takes time and patience. Don't be too hard on yourself or rush into decisions out of desperation. Take small steps towards change, and be kind to yourself throughout the process. You deserve happiness and fulfillment in both your professional and personal life.

Hang in there. Keep exploring, growing, and believing in yourself. You're capable of creating the life you desire.