Is he playing?? Feeling stupid and foolish

[Lavendercrandberry1]

This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don't get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.

Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we've been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I'm a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.

We've had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago..he ghosted me for a short while..and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven't heard from since, and he's been ignoring my texts.. I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling..the other to wish him a good day ahead.

Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks.. then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.

Last week he had about 2 guys over for company...or so I thought.. I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then..in which he never responded.that day..not even to tell me he's busy...
I thought that was strange because he's always asking to spend more time with me..even if it's a quick hug.. He has left company before to see me for a hug.

I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out..
He swears that there are no other women..
During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.
Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???

Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??

[Elliot]

I understand how difficult and confusing this situation must be for you. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, from your own personal challenges to the complexities of this relationship. Let's unpack this together and explore your feelings and concerns.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings of fondness and attachment towards this person. It's natural to feel drawn to someone who shares your values and expresses a desire for a future together. However, it's also crucial to recognize when certain behaviors or patterns raise red flags.

The fact that he has ghosted you multiple times after intimate encounters is concerning. Ghosting can be hurtful and disrespectful, leaving you feeling confused and abandoned. It's not a healthy way to communicate or handle issues within a relationship. His reasons for ghosting, such as feeling insecure about his size or performance, might offer some insight into his behavior, but they don't excuse it. Everyone experiences insecurities, but it's how we deal with them that matters.

Furthermore, the incident where you saw him with another woman raises serious concerns about his honesty and fidelity. While he denies any involvement with other women, actions speak louder than words. It's understandable that you feel hurt and betrayed by this discovery. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if it's repeatedly being compromised, it's difficult to maintain a meaningful connection.

You mentioned that he often looks towards your house on his way to and from work, which could indicate that he cares about you and misses your presence. However, this behavior is inconsistent with his actions of ignoring your texts and being unresponsive when you reached out to him. It's important to pay attention to actions rather than just words.

In counseling, we often talk about setting boundaries and advocating for your own needs within a relationship. It's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and not tolerate behavior that undermines your self-worth. Reflect on what you truly want and deserve in a relationship. Do you feel respected, valued, and supported by this person? Are your needs being met, both emotionally and physically?

Ending a relationship, especially one with emotional investment, can be incredibly difficult. However, it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find yourself constantly questioning his intentions and feeling hurt by his actions, it may be time to consider whether this relationship is truly fulfilling for you.

I encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with him about your concerns and feelings. Express how his behavior has impacted you and what you need from the relationship moving forward. Pay attention to how he responds and whether he takes responsibility for his actions. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who respects and values you fully.

Ultimately, only you can decide what is best for you. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being above all else.

[Gloria]

From what you've shared, it seems that there have been instances where this person has ghosted you after being intimate. This behavior can undoubtedly be hurtful and confusing, leading you to question their intentions and their commitment to the relationship. It's essential to communicate openly and honestly with each other to address these concerns.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that everyone has their own insecurities and vulnerabilities. This person expressed feeling insecure about his size, performance, and capabilities, which may have contributed to his withdrawal in the past. These insecurities can stem from a variety of factors, including societal pressures and personal experiences. It doesn't necessarily mean that he is intentionally trying to hurt or manipulate you.

However, it's crucial to establish healthy communication patterns and boundaries in any relationship. Ghosting is not a healthy way to deal with insecurities or any other challenges that may arise. It's essential for both partners to feel safe and secure in expressing their emotions and concerns without fear of judgment or abandonment.

Another aspect that raises concerns is the incident where you saw him with another woman, seemingly engaging in affectionate behavior. This can be distressing and may lead you to question his fidelity and honesty. It's important to address this directly with him and express your feelings and observations. Open and honest communication is key in situations like these. It's possible that there may be a reasonable explanation, but it's crucial to have a sincere conversation to gain a better understanding of the situation.

In any relationship, it's important to pay attention to red flags and trust your instincts. If you consistently feel unsettled, ignored, or taken for granted, it may be an indication that the relationship is not meeting your emotional needs. It's essential to prioritize your well-being and happiness.

Before making any decisions, I encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with this person about your concerns, feelings, and expectations for the relationship. Express your need for consistency, trust, and clear communication. It's important to assess whether both of your goals and values align, and if you envision a future together.

Remember, you deserve to be with someone who respects and values you, and who is willing to work through challenges together. It's important to set boundaries and communicate your needs clearly. If the relationship continues to be emotionally draining and leaves you feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, it may be worth considering whether it's the right path for you.


Ultimately, the decision to continue or end the relationship rests with you. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being. You deserve a relationship that brings you happiness, fulfillment, and emotional support.

Take care of yourself, and remember that you're not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support as you navigate through this challenging time.