Should I trust him?

[Macie64]

I’ve separated a little over a year ago so I’m now a single mum. An acquaintance found out about it and reached out to me. He separated almost 7 years ago and is also a single dad. We developed feelings while talking and now dating for almost 3 months.
we’ve known each other from a church group from 20 years ago. So our ex’s know each other. He’s traumatised about how other people’s opinion contributed to the break down of his marriage. He asked to have our situation a secret until after 2 years. He hopes our ex’s would’ve moved on by that time and also so that people will not think he was the reason my marriage broke down - coz it’s too soon. We agreed to exclusively date each other and he even introduced me as a potential partner in the future to his mum and brother via video call.
The thing is, I’m not a dating girl and have always been in a relationship. He explained that all his past relationships were fast paced and wants to slow it down this time so it’ll last. He says he wants us to grow and build our connection so we’re ready to face issues for when we go public.
i miss him everyday even though we can text/call daily. Should I trust his plan?

[Olivia]

It sounds like you're navigating through a complex situation, being a single parent and stepping back into the world of dating after your separation. It's completely understandable to feel a mix of emotions, especially when considering the future of your relationship with this acquaintance turned romantic interest. Let's unpack what's going on and address your concerns.

Firstly, it's positive that you and this gentleman have a shared history from your church group, which might provide a sense of comfort and familiarity. However, entering into a romantic relationship after both experiencing divorce can bring up a lot of baggage and insecurities. It seems like he's dealing with some deep-seated trauma from his previous marriage, particularly concerning how others' opinions influenced his relationship. It's crucial to acknowledge and validate these feelings, as they can significantly impact his current perspective on your budding relationship.

His request to keep your relationship under wraps for the next two years is understandable from his point of view. It seems he wants to ensure that both of you have had enough time to heal from your respective pasts before facing potential judgment or scrutiny from others. While his intentions might stem from a desire to protect both of you, it's essential to evaluate whether this timeline aligns with your own needs and expectations.

You mentioned that you miss him every day, even though you're in regular communication. This longing could be a sign of the strong emotional connection you've developed with him over the past few months. However, it's crucial to ensure that this connection is balanced and healthy for both parties involved. If you find yourself feeling anxious or uncertain about the future of your relationship, it's essential to communicate these feelings openly and honestly with him.

Trust is a fundamental component of any relationship, and it's understandable that you might be questioning whether to trust his plan for keeping your relationship private. While his intentions may be genuine, it's essential to evaluate whether his approach aligns with your own values and desires for the relationship. Consider discussing your concerns with him openly and transparently, expressing your need for reassurance and clarity moving forward.

Additionally, it's essential to prioritize self-care and reflection during this time of transition. As a single parent, it's natural to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself above all else. Take the time to nurture your own emotional and mental health, whether through spending quality time with loved ones, engaging in hobbies and activities you enjoy, or seeking support from a therapist or counselor.

Ultimately, only you can determine whether to trust his plan and continue moving forward in the relationship. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own emotional well-being above all else. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and supported, and don't hesitate to advocate for your needs and boundaries along the way.

[Bradwin]

I understand that you're currently dating someone who wants to keep your relationship a secret for two years, and you're wondering if you should trust his plan. It's important to approach this situation with open communication and a clear understanding of your own needs and boundaries.

Firstly, it's crucial to acknowledge that everyone's experiences and perspectives are unique. Your acquaintance's traumatic experience regarding other people's opinions contributing to the breakdown of his previous marriage has understandably influenced his approach to your relationship. He may be concerned about facing judgment or being seen as the reason for your previous separation. It's important to have empathy for his feelings and understand where he's coming from.

However, it's equally important to consider your own emotional well-being and needs in this relationship. It's understandable that you miss him every day, even though you can text and call daily. Longing for physical closeness is natural, especially if you're used to being in a relationship and having that constant companionship. It's crucial to communicate your feelings to him and ensure that your emotional needs are being met to the best of his ability, given the current circumstances.

Trusting his plan requires you to have open and honest conversations about your expectations, desires, and concerns. Ask yourself if you're comfortable with keeping the relationship a secret for two years. Consider the potential impact on your emotional well-being and whether it aligns with your personal values and needs. It's vital to have a clear understanding of what you're willing to compromise on and what you need in order to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship.

Building a strong foundation and connection in a relationship is important, and your acquaintance's desire to take things slow and build a solid connection is commendable. However, it's essential to find a balance that works for both of you. Discuss the possibility of finding ways to gradually introduce your relationship to others who are close to you, such as trusted friends and family members, without necessarily going public to everyone immediately.

Transparency and open communication are key. Make sure you express your concerns and feelings to him and encourage him to do the same. It's important to establish a sense of trust and understanding between the two of you. By openly discussing your boundaries, needs, and expectations, you can work together to find a compromise that feels comfortable and supportive for both of you.

Remember, relationships require effort and understanding from both parties. While it's important to respect your acquaintance's concerns and emotional wounds, it's equally important to prioritize your own emotional well-being. Trust is built over time through consistent actions, open communication, and mutual respect. By maintaining an ongoing dialogue and being true to yourself, you can navigate this situation with care and make decisions that align with your values and needs.

In summary, trusting his plan requires open communication, understanding, and a clear assessment of your own needs and boundaries. It's important to have empathy for his past experiences while also prioritizing your emotional well-being. By discussing your concerns and expectations, you can work together to find a compromise that supports both of you and allows your relationship to grow in a way that feels comfortable and fulfilling.