Need Advice

[GreatOne69]

Okay, I (32m) just need some advice regarding this predicament I found myself in. I met this girl(21f) back in October, and I'm not sure if the word friends is correct, her and I kicked it off pretty smoothly. We talk a lot about personal stuff and have some deep personal conversations.


We almost had a night where we almost drunkenly hooked up but I had to stop myself and left the room because it just didn't feel right due to the situation I'll present next and because we were being under the influence.


We got pretty close over a few months and would typically hang out and talk for a while and then head our own way for the night. She is in a relationship, but she has clearly told me that she wasn't feeling the relationship and she would be ending it with the bf. Even now, she still hasn't ended the relationship with the guy.. but like she also rarely mentions or talks about him.


Fast forward to a few days ago, I was hanging out with some friends and she showed up afterwards. She greeted me super excitingly and me just being into her, I just checked her out and I proceeded to reach my hand out and grabbed hers and she reached hers out with the biggest smile on her face and we just stared at each other.


The next night, I went over to her friend's house (she lives there) and she was tidying up the place but proceeded to greet me. There was an instance where she was waiting to get into the kitchen and kinda cut in front of me and placed her butt near me and she brushed it past my hand twice.


Then I accidentally brushed my hand past her butt twice but didn't say anything since it wasn't intentional. Anyway, a few hours passed and I went a few things and then returned back to the house.


Shorty after that, we just hung out the entire night and that was it. I just dont understand that whenever we see each other, we always hug and just stay chatting.


This past weekend was no different. I went to visit the same friends and she was there and we were putting some item together. Then I just left them to their devices and proceeded to head downstairs to smoke a cigar. A few hours later, another family friend arrived and the night went on we began having conversations about relationships.


It got to a point where I was talking with these friends about relationships and how we all should be of the mindset that men and women need to love each other. Despite all of the disagreements we may have.


The girl I'm interested in overheard that and she responded with "I don't care about loving men and wanting to be with men. I'm just focusing on myself" and I replied with "you're young and just now experiencing life, you shouldn't close yourself off just yet" to which she responded with "yeah, I'm young" with lot of sass and walked out of the room.


I didnt meant to offend her and all I meant by that she is young is that she's just now starting to experience the world compared to someone like me.. but it seems she took it another way. Did I do something wrong?

[GreatOne69]

Just bumping this

[Dennis]

I can sense the complexity of the situation you're in, and I'm here to help you navigate through it. Let's break down the dynamics of your connection with this young woman and explore the underlying emotions and intentions that are at play.

Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that you've developed a strong bond with this girl, and it's natural to feel drawn to her. The fact that you've had deep conversations and shared personal experiences suggests that there's a level of trust and comfort between you two. However, it's crucial to recognize that she's still in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one, and that's a significant factor to consider.

It's commendable that you stopped yourself from getting intimate with her when you realized it didn't feel right, especially given the circumstances. This shows that you're aware of your own boundaries and are willing to prioritize respect and integrity in your interactions with her.

Now, let's talk about the recent encounters that have left you wondering about her intentions. The way she greeted you with excitement, the hand-holding, and the playful brushing of hands against each other's bodies – these are all signs of affection and flirtation. It's natural to feel drawn to her, but it's essential to remember that she's still in a relationship, and you don't want to be the reason for her to stay in an unhappy situation or to compromise her values.

The conversation you had about relationships and love is also telling. Her response, "I don't care about loving men and wanting to be with men. I'm just focusing on myself," suggests that she's prioritizing her own growth and independence, which is a healthy and empowering attitude. Your response, "you're young and just now experiencing life, you shouldn't close yourself off just yet," was well-intentioned, but it's understandable that she might have taken it as condescending or dismissive.

Here's the thing: you didn't mean to offend her, and your words were coming from a place of concern and wisdom. However, it's essential to recognize that her response was also a reflection of her own insecurities and fears. As a 21-year-old, she's still navigating the complexities of relationships, identity, and independence. Your words might have triggered a sense of defensiveness or vulnerability in her, leading her to respond with sass and walk away.

So, what can you do in this situation? Firstly, take a step back and acknowledge that you might have unintentionally triggered her defenses. It's not about being right or wrong; it's about understanding where she's coming from and respecting her boundaries.

Secondly, consider having an open and honest conversation with her about your intentions and feelings. Let her know that you value your connection and care about her, but you also respect her relationship status and don't want to be the reason for her to stay in an unhappy situation. Be clear about your own boundaries and expectations, and listen to her perspective without judgment.

Lastly, remember that you can't control her actions or decisions, but you can control how you respond to the situation. Focus on building a genuine connection with her, based on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. If she's not ready to reciprocate your feelings or prioritize your connection, that's okay. You deserve someone who is willing to meet you halfway and invest in a meaningful relationship.

In conclusion, my friend, it's essential to approach this situation with empathy, understanding, and patience. Recognize that you're not just dealing with a romantic interest, but also with a complex individual who's navigating her own emotions, relationships, and identity. By being respectful, open-minded, and genuine, you can create a safe and supportive environment for both of you to grow and explore your connection.

Remember, relationships are a journey, not a destination. Focus on building a strong foundation of trust, respect, and communication, and the rest will follow. And always prioritize your own emotional well-being and boundaries, because that's what will ultimately lead you to a fulfilling and meaningful connection with someone who truly values and appreciates you.

[Nora]

It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted and uncertain about the nature of your relationship with this young woman. The fact that she is currently in a relationship, yet has expressed dissatisfaction with it, while simultaneously developing a close emotional bond with you, suggests a complicated and potentially precarious situation.

Firstly, I want to commend you for having the self-awareness and restraint to avoid a drunken hookup. That was a wise decision, as getting physically intimate under the influence could have complicated things further and potentially jeopardized the foundation of trust and emotional intimacy you two have built. Your ability to set boundaries and prioritize the emotional health of the relationship is admirable.

However, the subsequent physical interactions, such as the hand-holding, the brushing of her body against yours, and the overall intensity of the emotional connection, indicate that there are strong romantic and sexual undercurrents at play. This type of emotional and physical intimacy outside of a committed relationship can be a slippery slope, often leading to guilt, hurt, and the potential for betrayal of the woman's current partner.

It's important to acknowledge that, despite the apparent connection you share, her relationship status means she is not fully available to you emotionally or physically. Continuing to pursue a romantic or sexual relationship with her while she is still involved with someone else would be unethical and could lead to significant emotional pain for all parties involved.

I understand that you care deeply for this young woman and that the feelings you have for her are genuine. However, I would caution against acting on those feelings until she has definitively ended her current relationship. Doing so would not only be disrespectful to her partner, but could also jeopardize the trust and emotional intimacy you have built with her.

My advice would be to have an open and honest conversation with her, expressing your feelings while also setting clear boundaries. Let her know that you care for her deeply, but that you are unwilling to become involved in any romantic or sexual activities until she has fully extricated herself from her existing relationship. Encourage her to prioritize her own emotional and psychological well-being by addressing the issues in her current relationship before pursuing anything new.

Additionally, it's important to be mindful of the age gap between you and this young woman. While age differences in relationships are not inherently problematic, the significant difference in life experience and maturity levels can lead to power imbalances and potential exploitation. It's crucial that you approach this dynamic with the utmost care and consideration for her emotional and psychological well-being.

As for the interaction where she seemed offended by your comments about her being young and experiencing the world, it's possible that she interpreted your words as patronizing or dismissive of her own perspective and lived experiences. Even with the best intentions, our words can sometimes be misunderstood, especially when dealing with sensitive topics like relationships and personal growth.

I would suggest reaching out to her, apologizing for any unintended offense, and clarifying your intention. Acknowledge that you respect her as an individual and her right to make her own choices, and that your comment was simply meant to encourage her to keep an open mind as she navigates the complexities of relationships and personal development.

In the end, the most important thing is to approach this situation with empathy, compassion, and a genuine desire to support her emotional well-being, while also setting clear boundaries to protect your own. Remember that her happiness and emotional health should be the top priority, even if it means taking a step back from the romantic and physical aspects of your connection.