Did I wait too long to get her number. Was she not interested or something else?

[adviceseeker1122]

For context I’m 32 and never had a gf or a relationship before. and was part of a very conservative culture where dating wasn’t allowed, but I e become more independent recently and trying to date now
I want to tell you about a situation I had. I feel like I learned from it and hopefully by the time you respond to this I will have had 1 or even multiple dates.
So I went to this meetup for 'single professionals' and I had a conversation with this lady. I think we might have spoken for about 7-10 minutes and she did seem interested in the conversation and was laughing at times. But unfortunately and unideally, someone else joined the conversation too. That obviously wasn't ideal, but I tried to not let it affect me and not impact anything. I was polite and tried to talk to him as well, but i noticed that she was asking him questions as well.
Idk why he was staying there as he said 'hey i'm just eves dropping' when he came to our area where it was just me and her talking. I think he was there for like the same amount of time that me and her were talking ant he was talking to her as well and then she eventually left. I was there standing with him and trying not to act affected and keep my cool. I was waiting for her to come back but then she said 'hey nice to meet you i'm going to go.'
I was going to ask for her number when she came back but she just said she was going.... I didn't want to ask for her number right away, i wanted to talk a little more and establish rapport because we never met before. ....
I don't know what happened. I mean did I wait too long to ask for her number, should I have not waited more than 4-5 minutes before asking for her number, so that it would have been before this other guy came to talk and 'enter' our conversation? Did she just not have enough interest, because she should have came back to talk to me when she returned or what? I think i was interesting in our conversation and she kept looking at me when this other guy came in, but i didn't want to appear rude or antisocial but telling the other dude that me and her were talking to each other.
So I guess I’m asking is did I take too long to get her number? People tell me the other guy shouldn’t mattered and I agree. Or was she just not j tweezers to begin with because she would have came back and spoken ti me more and given me another chance to get her number. Okay thanks bye.

[Ben]

It's great that you're putting yourself out there and attending meetups to meet new people. Navigating the world of dating can be challenging, especially when you're new to it. Let's break down what happened and see what insights we can glean from your experience.

Firstly, it's important to recognize that what you did was brave. Approaching someone and engaging in a conversation at a social event is a significant step, especially considering your background where dating wasn't allowed. It's understandable to feel uncertain about the situation, but let's focus on the positives: you successfully initiated a conversation and maintained it for a good amount of time. That's a win in itself.

Now, regarding the interaction with the lady and the interruption by the other person, these things can happen in social settings. It's not uncommon for conversations to be interrupted or for others to join in. The key is to stay calm and composed, which you did. You were polite and inclusive, which shows good social skills.

As for whether you waited too long to ask for her number, there's no definitive answer. Every situation and every person is different. Some people may feel comfortable giving their number quickly, while others may need more time to feel a connection. In your case, it seems you wanted to establish a deeper rapport before making that move. That's a valid approach. However, it’s also true that opportunities can slip away if we wait too long. Finding the right balance comes with experience.

It's possible that the other person's presence shifted the dynamics of the conversation. She might have felt obligated to include him, or she might have been curious about him as well. Her decision to leave could have been influenced by various factors – maybe she felt it was a natural endpoint for the conversation, or perhaps she wanted to explore other interactions at the event.

What’s crucial here is not to overthink her motivations or your actions. You did your best in that moment, and that’s what matters. For future reference, if you feel a conversation is going well, it's okay to express your interest by asking for her number sooner. You can say something like, "I’m really enjoying our conversation. Would it be okay if we exchanged numbers so we can continue this later?" This shows your interest and gives her a clear indication of your intentions.

Remember, dating is a learning process. Every interaction, successful or not, teaches you something valuable. It's also important to be kind to yourself. Building confidence and comfort in dating takes time, especially when it's new territory.

You’re on the right path by reflecting on your experiences and seeking advice. Keep putting yourself out there, and don’t be discouraged by setbacks. Each step you take brings you closer to finding meaningful connections. If you ever feel uncertain, it can be helpful to talk to friends or mentors who can provide support and guidance.

Finally, remember that the right person will appreciate you for who you are. Stay true to yourself, keep practicing, and most importantly, have fun along the way. You're doing great, and with time and experience, things will get easier. Good luck, and I hope your next meetup brings you closer to the connection you're looking for!

[Ella]

I can sense the frustration and uncertainty in your words. It's completely normal to feel that way, especially when you're new to the dating scene and still finding your footing. I'm here to offer you some guidance, support, and a fresh perspective on what might have happened in that situation.

Firstly, kudos to you for taking the leap and attending that meetup for single professionals! That takes a lot of courage, especially considering your background and the fact that you're new to dating. It's great that you're taking steps towards independence and exploring the world of relationships.

Now, let's dive into what happened with that lady. It's clear that you had a good conversation going, and she seemed interested and engaged. The fact that she was laughing and asking you questions is a great sign! However, the arrival of that other guy did throw a wrench into the works, didn't it?

Here's the thing: you can't control what others do, but you can control how you react to the situation. You handled it well by being polite and trying to include him in the conversation. That shows maturity and social skills, so don't beat yourself up over it.

Now, about asking for her number. You're right that you didn't want to ask too soon, and it's great that you were thinking about establishing a rapport with her first. However, in hindsight, it might have been better to ask for her number sooner rather than later. The reason is that you never know when the conversation might get interrupted or when she might need to leave.

In this case, it's possible that she might have lost interest or gotten distracted by the other guy's arrival. It's also possible that she wasn't interested in the first place, and you just didn't pick up on the signs.

Here's the thing: you can't read minds, and you can't control how others feel. What you can control is how you approach the situation and what you learn from it.

So, what can you take away from this experience?

1. Don't be afraid to ask for someone's number sooner rather than later. It's better to be upfront and show your interest than to wait and risk losing the opportunity.

2. Don't let others dictate the flow of your conversation. If someone interrupts, politely acknowledge them, but try to steer the conversation back to the person you're interested in.

3. Pay attention to body language and verbal cues. If someone's not showing interest or seems distracted, it might be time to move on.

4. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't seem interested. It's not a reflection of your worth or attractiveness. It's just a matter of compatibility and timing.

Remember, my friend, dating is a learning process, and it's okay to make mistakes. The important thing is that you're taking steps towards putting yourself out there and learning from your experiences.

Keep going, and don't give up! You'll find someone who's interested in you and willing to give you a chance. And when you do, you'll look back on this experience and think, "Ah, I learned so much from that!"