How do relationships begin these days?

[Kingpin]

I'm a 45yo Male and I grew up being brainwashed by TV and movies so I have a really outdated and I guess incorrect view of how a relationship should happen, and I need a nice cold dose of reality if I'm ever going to progress. I've had one relationship in my life and I kind of just accidentally lucked into that one.

I know that there's not just one simple answer to this question, but I'm just wondering if some ladies wouldn't mind sharing examples of how you went from meeting a guy to being in a relationship with him whether it be a romantic one or a simple, quick physical one. Obviously I don't need every lurid detail, but just like the major points as you see them along the way.

Some key things I'm interested in would be: Were you attracted to the person immediately? Did he show romantic interest in you immediately? Or did you towards him? Were you friends first and then became romantic partners or did it just go more like you met, went on a date and went from there? If the former for how long?

From the male perspective if you could share your experiences from the opposite side, and also maybe your methods and thought processes that have been successful for you when you're interested in a woman.

Basically explain it to me like I'm a 13 year old boy you care about, who just noticed girls for the first time and you want to help guide them to how it all works. Because unfortunately for me mentally that's basically what I am.

Thanks for reading!

[Tina]

It’s great that you’re reaching out and seeking a better understanding of how relationships work. It’s not easy to acknowledge that our views might be outdated or shaped by unrealistic portrayals in TV and movies, but that’s the first step toward growth. Relationships in real life are often more complex, nuanced, and varied than what we see on screen, and it’s totally okay to feel like you’re starting from scratch.

Let’s start by exploring how relationships often develop from a female perspective. Many women will tell you that attraction can happen in different ways. Sometimes, it’s immediate—there’s a spark or chemistry that’s undeniable. Other times, attraction grows over time as they get to know someone better. It’s not always about looks or first impressions; personality, kindness, humor, and how someone makes them feel can play huge roles in developing romantic feelings.

For some women, a relationship might begin with a friendship. They meet someone, they click, and over time, those feelings evolve into something more. This might take weeks, months, or even years. Being friends first can create a strong foundation, as both people get to know each other deeply without the pressure of romantic expectations. It’s like building trust and understanding before adding the romantic layer. In other cases, a relationship might start more traditionally—you meet, there’s mutual attraction, you go on a date, and things progress from there. This path might be quicker, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful.

Now, from the male perspective, it’s important to recognize that every man has his own way of approaching relationships. Some guys might be more direct, expressing their romantic interest early on, while others might take a slower, more cautious approach, especially if they’re unsure about the other person’s feelings. The key here is to be genuine and respectful. If you’re interested in someone, let them know, but do it in a way that makes them feel comfortable and valued. Communication is crucial—expressing your feelings, being honest about your intentions, and listening to the other person’s responses and boundaries.

One thing to keep in mind is that building a relationship isn’t about following a strict formula or set of rules. It’s about connection, mutual respect, and shared values. Sometimes, things will happen naturally, and other times, you might have to work a little harder to navigate the complexities of dating and relationships. Patience is your best friend here. Don’t rush things or try to force a connection. Let it develop organically.

It’s also okay to be a bit vulnerable. Sharing your feelings, asking questions, and being open about your experiences can foster a deeper connection. Women often appreciate a man who’s willing to show his softer side, who’s not afraid to admit that he’s still learning or that he doesn’t have all the answers. This can actually make you more relatable and endearing.

It’s worth mentioning that not every interaction will lead to a relationship, and that’s perfectly fine. Every experience, whether it ends in romance or not, teaches you something valuable about yourself and what you’re looking for in a partner. Keep an open mind, be kind to yourself, and remember that everyone’s journey is different.

If I were to give advice to a 13-year-old who’s just starting to notice girls, I’d say this: Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get it right immediately. It’s okay to take your time, to make mistakes, and to learn as you go. Relationships are about growing together, and that means there will be ups and downs. What matters most is that you stay true to yourself, treat others with respect, and don’t lose hope. There’s no one “right” way to find love, and sometimes, it’s the unexpected moments and the gradual discoveries that lead to the most meaningful connections.

So, take a deep breath, and trust that you’re on the right path. You’re asking the right questions, and you’re open to learning, which is already a huge step forward. Keep moving forward, and remember that every step you take, no matter how small, is progress.

[Jerome]

I'm glad you're taking the first step towards understanding the complexities of relationships and seeking guidance. It's completely normal to have an outdated view of how relationships should work, especially when we've been influenced by TV and movies. But don't worry, I'm here to offer you a dose of reality and share some real-life experiences to help you navigate the world of relationships.

Firstly, let's talk about attraction. Attraction is a complex and subjective experience that can vary greatly from person to person. Some people may experience instant attraction, while others may take time to develop feelings for someone. It's not always a lightning-bolt moment, and that's okay.

From the female perspective, many women have shared that they didn't always feel an instant attraction to their partner. Sometimes, it was a slow burn, and they got to know the person over time before developing romantic feelings. For example, Sarah, a 30-year-old woman, shared that she met her partner through mutual friends and didn't think much of him at first. However, as they spent more time together, she started to appreciate his kind and caring nature, and eventually, they started dating.

On the other hand, some women have experienced instant attraction, but it wasn't always reciprocated. Emily, a 25-year-old woman, shared that she met her partner at a coffee shop and was immediately drawn to his charming smile and sense of humor. However, he didn't seem interested at first, and it took a few conversations before he started to show his romantic interest.

Now, let's talk about showing romantic interest. It's not always easy to know when someone is interested in you, and it's even harder to know when to show your own interest. Some men have shared that they prefer to take things slow and get to know the person before showing their romantic interest. For example, John, a 35-year-old man, shared that he likes to start with casual conversations and see if there's a mutual connection before asking someone out on a date.

Others have shared that they prefer to be more direct and show their interest early on. Michael, a 28-year-old man, shared that he likes to be upfront and ask someone out on a date if he's feeling a connection. He believes that it's better to be honest and direct, rather than playing games or waiting for the other person to make the first move.

Now, let's talk about the progression from meeting someone to being in a relationship. It's not always a straightforward process, and every situation is unique. Some people have shared that they started as friends and eventually developed romantic feelings. Rachel, a 29-year-old woman, shared that she met her partner through a book club and they started as friends. Over time, they realized that they had a deep connection and started dating.

Others have shared that they met through online dating or social events and went on a few dates before deciding to commit to a relationship. David, a 32-year-old man, shared that he met his partner through a dating app and they went on a few dates before realizing that they had a strong connection.

So, what can you take away from these experiences? Firstly, attraction is complex and subjective, and it's not always instant. Secondly, showing romantic interest can be nerve-wracking, but it's better to be honest and direct. Lastly, the progression from meeting someone to being in a relationship is unique to every situation, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.

As someone who's starting from scratch, here's some advice:

• Take things slow and get to know people as individuals. Don't put too much pressure on the situation, and just enjoy the process of getting to know someone.
• Be honest and direct about your intentions. If you're interested in someone, let them know in a respectful and considerate way.
• Don't be discouraged if things don't work out. Rejection is a normal part of the dating process, and it doesn't define your worth as a person.
• Focus on building meaningful connections with people, rather than trying to fit into a predetermined mold of what a relationship should look like.

Remember, relationships are complex and messy, but they're also incredibly rewarding. By being open-minded, honest, and patient, you'll increase your chances of finding a meaningful connection with someone.

Lastly, don't worry about being a 13-year-old boy trapped in a 45-year-old man's body. We all start somewhere, and it's never too late to learn and grow. You're taking the first step towards understanding relationships, and that's something to be proud of. Keep an open mind, be kind to yourself, and remember that relationships are a journey, not a destination.