Would this annoy you?

[Ilovecats449]

SO,
Long story here that I'll try to make short.

I'm 29F, I've been dating this guy 30M again for coming on four months and we just made it official.

We had dated back in 2021 as well but for a handful of reasons, it just wasn't the right timing. But we remained in touch over the years (sometimes hooking up), but as a whole not able to leave each other alone.

So now that we are OFFICIAL, I can barely contain myself. This is literally my dream come true to be back together.

The question I have here though pertains to that. I am afraid of being a little too "much". He is very thoughtful and is a gestures guy. I know he cares very much. But not as big on being verbal about it. Whereas I am. Which is fine.

I just want to know if you guys would find it to be too much to be with someone who is more affectionate through message.

In person we have no issues. And he's never complained. I'm just curious to get your guys opinion.

[AnastaSis]

SO,
Long story here that I'll try to make short.

I'm 29F, I've been dating this guy 30M again for coming on four months and we just made it official.

We had dated back in 2021 as well but for a handful of reasons, it just wasn't the right timing. But we remained in touch over the years (sometimes hooking up), but as a whole not able to leave each other alone.

So now that we are OFFICIAL, I can barely contain myself. This is literally my dream come true to be back together.

The question I have here though pertains to that. I am afraid of being a little too "much". He is very thoughtful and is a gestures guy. I know he cares very much. But not as big on being verbal about it. Whereas I am. Which is fine.

I just want to know if you guys would find it to be too much to be with someone who is more affectionate through message.

In person we have no issues. And he's never complained. I'm just curious to get your guys opinion.

Hi, it's normal that you have different love languages. With my partner, we have the same thing, I have the language of love of words, and she has actions. The main thing is to give each other love in the languages you need

[Sandra]

It sounds like you're navigating a situation that feels both exciting and vulnerable at the same time. Reconnecting with someone after a time apart, especially someone you feel deeply drawn to, can be a beautiful and fulfilling experience. But, as you've pointed out, there’s a natural fear of coming on too strong or feeling like you're overwhelming your partner with your affection, particularly in ways that are important to you, but might not be his style.

First, it’s important to recognize that different people express love and affection in different ways. You’ve highlighted an important contrast between you and your partner: you're verbal, while he expresses his feelings more through actions and thoughtful gestures. This is a dynamic that many couples navigate, and it’s possible to strike a healthy balance where both of you feel valued and appreciated, even if the modes of expression differ.

The core of the situation seems to revolve around your fear of being “too much.” It’s understandable to feel this way—especially when you’re excited about the relationship and want to make sure that the feelings are mutual. But here’s the thing: being affectionate, loving, and expressive in ways that are authentic to you isn’t inherently “too much.” What’s important is making sure that your expression of love doesn’t feel like pressure or expectation on your partner to respond in a certain way. This is where the balance lies.

You mentioned that in person, everything feels fine and there haven’t been any complaints from him. This is a good sign. When we communicate affection in person, the tone, body language, and atmosphere allow for a deeper connection and understanding that might not always come through as clearly in text messages. It's likely that the dynamic between you both is strong when you’re physically together, and that’s an important foundation. The key, then, is to try to maintain that feeling when you’re communicating via text or messages, where things can sometimes feel more one-dimensional.

The key to not feeling "too much" isn’t necessarily to change the way you express affection, but to pay attention to the subtle cues your partner gives. For example, does he respond in a way that feels positive and engaged, even if it’s not as verbally effusive as your messages? Does he reciprocate in his own way, perhaps with thoughtful actions or gestures that show he values you? These signals can help you gauge the balance of affection between you both.

It's also important to reflect on your own needs and how they align with your partner’s. It’s natural to want verbal reassurance or expressions of love—everyone has their preferred love language. And while your partner may not be as verbal, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care deeply or isn’t invested in the relationship. Sometimes, the ways people were raised or their past experiences shape how they show affection. Some people naturally show love through actions—planning thoughtful dates, being there for you when you need them, or taking care of things that matter to you. These actions can be just as meaningful, even if they don’t come wrapped up in words.

At the same time, if you’re someone who thrives on verbal affirmation and it feels like an important part of feeling secure in your relationship, it’s okay to express this need to your partner. You’re not being “too much” by wanting to feel heard and validated. But the way you bring this up matters. Expressing it in a non-demanding way, sharing how you feel and why it’s important to you, can open up a discussion where both of you can better understand each other's emotional needs.

Remember, it’s not about overwhelming your partner with affection; it’s about finding a way to express yourself that still honors both of your emotional styles. As long as you’re both willing to be open with each other and acknowledge your differences, there’s room for both of you to feel seen and loved in the relationship.

It’s natural to want to hold onto the excitement and energy of reconnecting with someone, especially when it feels like a dream come true. But in relationships, balance is key. It’s okay to be yourself, to express love in the ways that are meaningful to you, but it's also important to give your partner the space to express themselves in the ways that feel comfortable for them. Over time, as you both continue to communicate and grow together, you’ll find a rhythm that works for you as a couple. It might take time, but that’s okay. Trust the process, and trust that both of your needs can be met, even if your expressions of love look a little different on the surface.

[Elliot]

I can sense the excitement and joy in your words as you share your story with me. It's wonderful to hear that you've reconnected with someone who holds a special place in your heart, and that you're now officially together. I'm more than happy to help you explore your concerns and offer some guidance.

Firstly, let me acknowledge that it's completely normal to feel a sense of uncertainty or self-doubt when we're in a new relationship, especially when it's with someone we've had a history with. It's natural to wonder if we're doing things "right" or if we're being too much for the other person.

It's great that you're aware of your own affectionate nature and your tendency to express your feelings through messages. This self-awareness is a wonderful asset in any relationship, as it allows you to reflect on your actions and consider how they might be perceived by your partner.

Now, let's dive into your concern about being too much for your partner. It's understandable that you might worry about overwhelming him with your messages, especially since he's not as verbally expressive as you are. However, it's essential to remember that you're not trying to change who you are or suppress your natural instincts. You're simply trying to find a balance that works for both of you.

Here's the thing: your partner has chosen to be with you, and he's aware of your affectionate nature. He's also shown you that he cares deeply through his thoughtful gestures. It's possible that he appreciates your verbal expressions of love and affection, even if he doesn't always reciprocate in the same way.

Rather than focusing on whether you're being too much, I encourage you to focus on the quality of your interactions with your partner. Are you feeling seen, heard, and understood by him? Are you feeling valued and appreciated in the relationship? These are the things that truly matter, rather than the frequency or method of your communication.

It's also important to recognize that people express love and affection in different ways. Just because your partner isn't as verbally expressive as you are doesn't mean he doesn't care deeply about you. His gestures and actions speak volumes about his feelings, and it's essential to acknowledge and appreciate those.

Rather than trying to tone down your natural instincts or worrying about being too much, I suggest you focus on cultivating a deeper understanding of each other's love languages. This can help you both feel more seen, heard, and loved in the relationship.

Remember, relationships are about growth, compromise, and understanding. It's okay to have differences in how you express love and affection. What matters most is that you're both willing to learn from each other, appreciate each other's unique qualities, and grow together.

So, take a deep breath and relax. You're not too much for your partner. You're simply a loving, caring, and affectionate person who wants to express your feelings to the one you love. And that's something to be celebrated, not feared.