How Can A Man Carry A Conversation And Not Appear Neutered

[John]

I recently went out with a single mom, who had actually approached me for the date. Throughout the day prior to the date she was texting me so on and so forth. She kept telling me how excited she was. While I was excited as well, there was no need in building up an expectation.

I was going into the date with NO expectations other than getting to know her. I used a few of the standard questions, but then moved on to other questions to "ignite her femininity," such as, "Wow you seem passionate about X. Why is that?" or "What do you like to do? Really...how did you get involved?", etc.

These were not canned questions, and I was just trying to be different. Well, she would answer but she hardly asked any questions back. This is not to say she was chatting the whole time. She just seemed to lack the drive she had previously to get to know me.

I can honestly say I had little to no chance to put my foot into my mouth.

Now I know the advice about not being creepy, smelling bad, and other hidden detractors to success. While I am no Casanova, I know plenty of female friends whom I can flirt with and so on who would be honest if I did something wrong.

Since I have friends who would tell me the truth no matter what, I went into this date with the confidence I have when hanging out with them.

I did not try to treat her as a friend, I did not act neutered, and I avoided past mistakes which got me into the "just friends zone".

I am glad I have an honest person like you to tell me about my questions and approach when on a date. I want a conversation to be interesting, because I personally hate a dull conversation and find it pointless to continue the date if it is.

I know you don't like to give advice on what exact words to say, which I don't want because it DOES sound canned and fake.

But how can a man carry a conversation and not appear neutered? What topics or questions are not neutered questions?

[Scot]

Hey John,

I have to tell you, you're certainly not alone.

There are literally thousands and thousands of guys out there who, like you and me, don't want to used canned lines.

Yet, we often find ourselves at a total loss when it comes to how to get the kind of conversation rolling that ignites femininity, don't we?

Worse, sometimes we think we're doing what it takes to create attraction, only to watch things fall flat on her end.

You just saw the cold, harsh reality of that.

Truth be told, it usually takes a very objective plan at first in order for most guys to genuinely ignite femininity. Although the words you choose should be your own, you can indeed build a solid framework of patterns and mindsets that tend to get GREAT results.

Along those lines, here are my top ten ideas for sparking the kind of conversation that is most likely to ignite femininity:


1) SPEAK IN THAT ALMOST REGAL WAY THAT DEMONSTRATES LEADERSHIP AND SHOWS THAT YOU HAVE HER BEST INTERESTS AT HEART


For example, if you're at a restaurant and they try to sit you by the door when it's cold outside, you may instinctively remember that women get cold easily.

So you confidently suggest to the host or hostess that you that you'd like to be placed at a table that's further away from the door.

You voice this request because you know your date will be cold by the door, so you are unconcerned about being polite versus causing discomfort to your date. You don't ASK this in the form of "Um...if it's okay, do you think maybe we could possibly..."

You put her feelings and priorities first, and expect compliance. Not in an obnoxious way, but rather in a confident way that exerts your opinion of what the right thing to do is. It's as if you are
"in charge" of the situation...because you are.


2) INSTEAD OF MERELY MAKING SMALL TALK, ISOLATE HER FEMININITY IN THE QUESTIONS YOU ASK


Instead of, "What do you think of the weather we've been having?" try "So what really makes you feel like a woman?" Such a simple acknowledgment that you and she are of different genders is often WAY past where most men are willing to take the conversation.

Make no mistake, the questions you asked the woman you were out with were great questions. But they weren't the type of questions that expressly address the powerful polarity between a man and a woman.

If that polarity isn't stoked in your conversation, it's going to be all neuter, all the time for as long as the two of you have to endure the date.

The best practice is to engage her with a mix of the kind of questions you asked with combined with least a few gender-specific questions. Too many of the latter and you'll indeed come off
weird, no doubt.

You want conversation to flow naturally ASAP rather than occurring as if you have some sort of "hidden agenda".


3) KEEP IT LIGHT AND FUN. NO HEAVY STUFF.


You've got to avoid any talk of work, politics, religion or long-term marriage goals during first meetings for sure, and probably even for a few dates after that. There will be plenty of
time for that later.

And by all means guard against any indication of complaining or bitterness. In fact, you can even call that sort of conversation out if SHE starts it. Tell her you want to hang out with positive
people.

Getting this right shows her that you, again, are about her comfort even as you know how to take leadership. It also shows you know how to create a fun, intriguing environment for pressure-free male/female relating to happen. Very cool.


4) GET HER TO TALK ABOUT HERSELF BY ASKING OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS

This means asking for descriptions and/or opinions as opposed to anything that can be responded to with a simply "yes" or a "no". You can't have any conversation whatsoever otherwise, especially one that's going to keep you out of the dreaded "JBF Zone".

When she is free to talk about herself, she senses that you care more about HER than about impressing her.

When the circumstances are such, women are more likely to utter those magic words, "It's as if you and I have known each other for TEN YEARS, not TEN MINUTES."


5) GIVE APPROVAL *WHEN APPROPRIATE*, AND FROM A POSITION OF AUTHORITY AS OPPOSED TO NEEDINESS

For example, she may say, "I can bake some mean pecan peanut butter oatmeal cookies. They're my favorite."

In response, you wouldn't say "Really?!? Pecan peanut butter oatmeal cookies are my absolute favorite toooo!!!!".

Because they're *not*.

You would just be saying that in an attempt to shoehorn artificial rapport into the scenario, and it's pathetic.

Instead, try, "No kidding? So you can bake. I'm proud of you... baking is a lost art and not many women can bake.

"I'm proud of you" is an immensely powerful phrase because it usually conveys authority.


6) IN FACT, AVOID TRYING TOO HARD TO BUILD RAPPORT OR IMPRESS WOMEN IN GENERAL

Why? Because "trying too hard", although a pandemic problem among us as guys, is irrevocably fatal.

Instead, imply with your words (preferably indirectly) that it's SHE who should be trying to impress YOU...all the while making no effort to hide your intrigue.

Intrigue works, neediness doesn't. The tricky part, though, is that the two concepts are tantalizingly similar.

For example, after she talks about baking cookies, you may ask, "So...what other kinds of tasty treats do you think you can tempt me with?"

Let her answer the question. If she picks up on the flirtatious nature of it, so be it. If not, don't break stride.


7) BE BOLDLY UNAFRAID TO FLIRT

I've defined flirting before as any communication between a man and a woman that would feel flat-out wrong were it between members of the same sex (assuming heterosexuality, of course).

So flirting doesn't have to involve overtly sexual come-ons by any stretch. This means that in all actuality if you suspect she is flirting, she probably is.

And if what you are planning to say sounds remotely flirtatious and/or even adventurous, it IS.

Women LOVE this. Rest assured that it's not going to come off as creepy if she has already agreed to be on a date with you and appears to be having fun.

Remember, it's only when she feels like you would potentially harm her or get weird on her that she gets creeped out. Simple gender- charged (compare against sexually-charged) conversation is a lot of fun to women.


8) YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH EVERYTHING A WOMAN SAYS AND/OR LIKE EVERYTHING SHE LIKES...IN FACT, YOU SHOULDN'T

This factor was perhaps implied somewhat by point #5 above, but it indeed deserves its own bullet point.

For example, when she talks about the "unique" cookies she bakes, you can openly verbalize that you're NOT much of an oatmeal cookie guy, if that's the case.

Go ahead and tell her, albeit with a hint of playfulness, she's going to have to dig deep and come up with a different recipe for you.

A man who isn't so compliant all the time (as in, "Yes, dear") shows that he has his own plan, his own opinions, all the while demonstrating to a woman that she can count on him to be able to
stand up to her...which is a great indicator that he'll of him being able to stand up FOR her when necessary, too.

Again, her feeling of comfort and security is a HUGE part of what triggers in a woman's soul that she has a MAN in her presence.


9) MIX IN GOOD-NATURED TEASING AND BANTER

This is as opposed to some misplaced form of teasing that amounts to nothing more than insults (e.g. "cocky/funny" that isn't actually funny).

The kind of conversation were talking about here is supposed to be fun and playful. There's really no better way to release a woman's natural feminine energy.

If a woman spills coffee on herself during a first meeting, your first thought should be to make her feel comfortable as opposed to suddenly self-conscious.

You may lead with a smile and a slow-shake of the head...then change course, laugh and say, "Well, actually...on second thought you've just freed me up from having to be on my best behavior all day/night. So thanks for that."

When she looks up at you with a raised eyebrow and the corner of her mouth turned up, you calmly say, "No, really" with a perfect poker face.

You can reverse apparently positive things to great effect, also.

For example, on my first meeting with Emily, which happened to be for breakfast, I swear she ordered the hugest breakfast platter on the menu.

As soon as it was placed in front of her by the waitress, I joked and said, "Are you going to eat the rest of that?" as I pretended to pull her plate toward my side of the table.

Sensing the humor in that immediately, she said, "Oh, don't worry. I can eat whatever I want and never gain an ounce". I immediately put a concerned, resolute look on my face and quietly announced, "You just lost a point. No doubt."

She laughed, and to this day still sometimes asks--with a flirtatious giggle--if she ever made up that lost point.


10) IF THERE'S EVER AN "ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM", CALL IT OUT

Don't shy away like a ween from a conversation that had better happen.

If you're going to be five minutes late for the meeting, drop her a text telling her so. (And yes, I said "text". That is an excellent situation in which to put text messaging to good use.)

Similarly, if she's late and didn't give you any indication ahead of time, don't just let it slide.

I mean, you don't have to grill her like cheap fajitas, but you CAN casually mention that you think it would have been respectful for her to give you a heads-up, since you would do the same for her.

[John]

Scot, thank you so much for your advice. It was really helpful