She Said We're Not A Match

[Damian]

I went out on a date with a girl this past week, but after our second date she didn't want to go out with me again. She said I was a nice guy and everything, but that she just didn't think we we're a match.

So I'm thinking she must have found me repulsive. Is there any hope for a guy like me?

[Scot]

It's not uncommon at all for guys to get down on themselves after things don't exactly go well with a woman.

But what I want to strongly caution you about is really beating the heck out of yourself in those cases.

Dude...if you're taking care of basic hygiene, have reasonably normal social skills and generally have women's best interests in mind you're most certainly NOT "repulsive".

That's a STRONG word. "Repulsion" would pretty much indicate that she's so turned off and disgusted by you that she's pretty much on the verge of vomiting.

Come on now, man. Are small children really running away screaming whenever you go out in public?

If not, then you're off the hook for "repulsive". Trust me on that one. Fair enough?

But here's the deeper point.

The guy who wrote me had actually gone on a second date with the woman who later told him "no thanks".

Burn this fact into your psyche: If she goes out on a date with you, she has to be at least marginally interested in you...let alone a second one.

Nobody--man or woman--agrees to meetings with MOTOS (members of the other sex) that could potentially have romantic meaning if there is anything negative being felt there, let alone "repulsion".

Believe me also when I tell you that if a second date happened then she must have actually felt attraction at some level.

Second dates rarely happen in the total absence of mutual attraction, especially when the people involved have plenty of options.

So what did happen, then, to mess things up?

Well, maybe our hero messed up somewhere and came off creepy in a way that caused her to suddenly feel uneasy around him.

Or more likely, he persisted in keeping the conversation "neuter" rather than acknowledging her femininity and feeling the freedom to portray himself as masculine.

Maybe the truth is that they really weren't so compatible with each other, it's just that it wasn't quite as clear to him yet as it was to her.

Whatever it was, it most certainly wasn't about his appearance. And if you've ever gone on a date with a woman that doesn't end up working out for whatever reason, it wasn't about yours either.

[Damian]

I'm grateful for your advice Scot.