What to Say Next After Your Opening Line

[Terry]

I saw a young lady at the gym earlier this afternoon and I, for no apparent reason, asked her to take her glasses off.

Guess what? She did.

This is what happened. She was standing alone behind a counter and I approached her because I was looking for a towel.

She responded that it wouldn't be a problem. Sure enough she found a clean one.

I paused a moment and then I made my request. She complied and then proceeded to tell me that she usually wears contact lenses and that she did not feel like putting them on today.

I responded by expressing a similar sentiment and closed by saying that she looked nice without her glasses.

She thanked me and I went on my way.

I work out at a university gym. She is a student at the college (probably between the age of 18 - 21).

I have no interest in her for she is probably about 15 years my junior but I simply can't believe that these ideas that you are teaching actually work.

I figured that this would be a safe opportunity to give it a try.

The thing is, when she removed her glasses for me, I did not know what to do next.

What should I have done next?

Do you provide explanations for your behavior if she does not ask for one?

[Clay]

First off, Terry, I love hearing stories like this.

It's actually getting to where I should probably slap a patent on the "take of your glasses" move, right?

Not long ago I was out in-field with a guy and a cute blonde girl was helping us at a clothing store. Sure enough, she had the librarian look workin' in full effect.

She had started out behaving in a very business-like way, but sure enough we started "bringing out the playful" and her femininity started to blossom before our very eyes.

As she ran off to find a shirt in the right size my friend quickly announced, "I want to do that deal where you ask her to take off her glasses".

He refused my offer to demo it for him and was stoked to go for it himself, which I loved.

When she returned, he executed on the plan as he had promised.

Not only did this girl--who was half his age--take off her glasses immediately, she giggled while doing so.

Now, while I understand that you (and others) may be shocked that women will actually do such inane things for us based on our straightforward suggestion, it really isn't all that surprising.

All of this talk about women being hard-wired to follow our lead isn't just idle chatter. If you are confident, masculine and make her feel safe with you they really will do what you'd like for them to do.

And here's the thing, they like doing it.

In other words, this isn't about "compliance". Women are willing to follow a strong, masculine lead. As we saw last weekend, it can even bring them visible, tangible delight.

The reason why this is so hard for many men to grasp, however, is that there's a key difference between masculinity and femininity at play here that we just can't fathom.

You see, we as men honestly detest when other guys suggest we do things for them, expecting compliance. We feel "alpha-ed", or even flat-out disrespected.

Between peers, the man-to-man way of doing things is to bargain for mutual gain, building alliances in the process. At the very least, we ask questions rather than making demands. If some other dude just tells us to do something, he's just going to piss us off.

This is why the military has a very well-defined hierarchy in place. That way, superior rank is objectively sanctioned and never arbitrary, leaving no room for hurt feelings between guys who might otherwise consider each other peers.

If you want to be the one giving orders, you'll need to get promoted up the chain in due time, based on honorable performance.

But notwithstanding that specific environment, even good civilian bosses don't go around making autocratic demands if they can help it. Commanding respect isn't as valuable as earning it.

Interestingly, in the workplace the values transcend gender. It's not like demanding bosses "delight" female employees any more than male ones.

Here's why: the magic of what we're talking about here lies in masculine/feminine polarity--all in the appropriate context.

So with that, let's get around to your actual question. What should you have done next?

Well, to preface my answer, you mentioned that you weren't interested in her because she's probably fifteen years younger than you are.

That's fine. As such, I'm not sure there was anything else to do in this situation for you other than what you did.

You told her she looks terrific without her glasses, and invited her to put them back on. Perhaps not surprisingly, the lightweight discussion about contact lenses followed. All good.

But what you need to know regardless is that you could have suggested that she do other things for you, and as long as she continued to perceive that you were acting in her best interest she
would likely have done them.

Importantly, that included getting her telephone number and telling her to make sure she was free at, say, 7pm when you planned to call her.

If and when a woman acknowledges your masculine presence with feminine behavior, I'll stop just short of saying she'll invariably follow your suggestions.

Over the years, I've suggested that women leave with me on impromptu "dates" right there in the moment...with responses of delight.

In my bolder moments, I've suggested to women that they kiss me, cook dinner for me, upgrade me to first class and/or let me drive them around in their new Honda S2000.

Importantly, you also asked about providing an explanation for your requests of women.

It's fascinating to me how often they really don't ask for one. They just do what you ask in a trusting manner.

The most breathtaking part to many guys is that they'll often simply wait for the next instruction (e.g. "Okay, you can put your glasses back on.")

My opinion on the matter is that it's always a terrific idea to let a woman in on why you made your request. If you think about it, that's nothing more than common courtesy to another human being.

There's no real use to not telling her, other than to assert unconditional leadership. You can do that if you'd like, but I don't personally see any utility in it, especially if you're truly bold and confident.

You should have nothing to prove with regard to making demands simply because you feel like you can get away with it. That's kid's stuff, if you think about it.

[Elliot]

I've been working on my dating skills for years, but when I met Alison in New York on a Monday afternoon, suddenly everything I had learned converged in spectacular fashion. She is a truly beautiful girl; the kind that always has a string of guys chasing her, wanting to do favors for her in the hopes of winning her over.

We went on an incredible date later that evening and ended up spending a few precious hours together in the early morning before I had to dash off to catch my plane back to London. Sleep deprived and severely exhausted, I couldn't help but keep thinking about Alison on the journey back.

Here, I've tried to simplify the process and include useful tips that you can go out and use today.

This is something that comes to mind the next time you see a beautiful woman walking past you or sitting next to you in a café and inspires you to approach her.

Approaching and Transitioning

For most daytime dating situations, particularly the street, direct approaches - where you make your intentions explicit - often work the best. An indirect approach, like asking her for directions or asking her where a store is, will almost always get you a positive response, but you'll have to work hard to make it go somewhere useful.

An approach like, "Excuse me, I just saw you walking past and I had to tell you that you look absolutely stunning. What's your name?" is going to get some null responses, but the ones that do respond will know the score and be more amenable to being charmed by you.

In that respect, approaching isn't just about starting the conversation, but also setting a good tone and foundation for the rest of the interaction - one where she knows that you're potentially interested in her and not just making idle chit chatter.

"What's your name?" is the simplest way to transition off your opening line into a normal conversation with a woman you meet in the daytime. As soon as you exchange names with someone and shake their hands, you're communicating that you're going to talk a little bit with them. It's the polite and socially intelligent thing to do.

Attraction

Attraction is the part of the interaction where you demonstrate to a woman that you are an interesting guy and she becomes romantically or sexually interested in you based on your social value.

In the daytime, it's important that this happens within the first couple of minutes. In a nightclub or bar, you can often show your social value over a prolonged or interrupted period (for example, if she notices you talking to other people in the bar before you go talk to her). But in the daytime, you often only have one quick shot before she walks out of your life forever.

There are two basic rules to building attraction: you have to talk (meaning you have to make statements instead of just asking questions) and you have to say interesting stuff (meaning what you say has to show social value).

You have to ask a couple of questions early on like "What are you doing today?" and "What do you do for a living?" but make sure you are making plenty of statements in between those questions.

Remember that you are the one who is leading the conversation, so lead it onto topics that you find interesting and you can talk fluidly about. Personally, I'm not going to bring up or get into a conversation about the opera, golf or the entertainment industry, because I know very little about these things - I won't be able to show any value and therefore build any attraction if I stay on these topics.

However, I will try to get into conversations about traveling, literature or dancing, because these are topics I know a lot about and can make interesting comments on, tell stories on and have opinions on.

Qualification

Qualification is the part of the interaction where you show a woman that you are attracted to her for non-physical reasons, that there are parts of her personality that you like and appreciate.

It's important that you focus on attraction for the first few minutes. You will know when a woman is sufficiently attracted to you because she will respond openly to your questions, smile warmly and exude positive body language Free Souls Embrace Creative Commons towards you, and not make excuses to leave.

The last one is probably the biggest signal to watch out for. Of course sometimes a woman will genuinely be busy, but if you meet a woman in the daytime and you talk to her for a few minutes and she is still there, she is most likely attracted to you.

At this point, you need to start telling her a few things that you like about her beyond the physical. There's no need to go too deep at this stage. Pick out a few things that you've discovered about her personality and what she does in her life that you like and tell her.

For example, you might compliment her on being a warm and confident person, on being ambitious, on being driven in her career or for being so passionate about one of her hobbies.

In doing this, you're letting her know that it's not just her body you're interested in but her mind as well. It's important for a woman to know this if she's going to get more invested in you.
Logistics

So you've been talking to a girl you just met on the street, in a café or a bookstore for a few minutes now. She's not making excuses to leave and you've told her a few non-physical reasons why you like her. At this point, you need to start thinking about how you are going to escalate things with her.

The first step is to get her on a date with you. Getting a phone number is not the goal of your approach! Women give out their phone numbers to guys all the time without responding to their texts or calls. Part of it is to do with getting caught up in the moment and part of it is to avoid social awkwardness.

So after talking to her for a few minutes, you should suggest that you talk more over a coffee a drink. Try to set up something for later that day if possible or if not within the next couple of days.

If a woman won't commit to that, she's probably not very interested in you. You could spend time chasing her and pinging her with messages over a prolonged period, but there's a strong chance you'll be wasting your time.

Ideally, and especially if you want to get things physical on the first date, you want to have a drink somewhere with her in the evening. Try to pick a venue that is reasonably close to your place, but not massively out of the way for her to get to.

If she seems hesitant, she is strapped for time (or you are) or you feel like you don't know her well enough to ask her out for a drink, a daytime coffee date can be a less intense alternative.

Comfort

Comfort is the part of the interaction where you build an emotional connection with a woman. You do this by sharing details of your life with her and listening to the details of her life.

Once a woman is attracted to you and you've shown her that you're attracted to her for non-physical as well as physical reasons, establishing the emotional connection is what will make her feel comfortable enough to progress things physically with you.

Start by being interested in finding out more about her. What does she do for work, in her spare time and for fun? Keep it light early on, then get a bit more specific: what kind of music does she like, what are her favourite movies, what does she normally do on weekends? Relate to her experiences and her emotions with your own.

The key here is to focus on the emotions, not the facts. Whereas attraction is a lot more about the surface and factual details of experiences, comfort is more about the underlying emotions behind something. For example, if she enjoys playing the guitar, why? How does it make her feel? Is there anything you do in your life that gives you a similar feeling that you can talk about?

As the date progresses, you can get a bit more personal. You can talk about each other's ambitions, passions and what is important to the both of you. Don't get into serious and specific conversations about past relationships or family history yet. You don't want to get too deep, too soon.

After a couple of hours of getting to know each other emotionally, she should feel comfortable enough to take things further with you. Ask her if she'd like to have a drink back at your place. Don't attach too much importance to the outcome: if she says yes, great. If not, maybe she's just not ready yet. There's no rush. If she's still interested, you'll see her again on the next date.

In the next and final part of this series, I'll talk about how to build and maintain a relationship after you've met and slept with a woman for the first time.

[Richard]

Nearly all fellas who are unskilled at picking up females would like to assume that they can approach a girl without her actually comprehending what their legitimate objectives are. This is rather idiotic. Almost any woman you walk up to is definitely going to realize immediately that you are trying to pick her up. The very best thing to do is just leave it alone and let it go at that. Better not attempt to assume that it really is something other than what it really is.

There exists a key element you should know when approaching a girl you like. Ladies that are beautiful are approached everyday, for hours on end! A beautiful female is probably approached about 10 times each day. That's a huge amount! And the tactic that almost all men use is the exact same to what every other guy uses. They will ask her if she has a boyfriend (in a tone of voice that says "you are so great looking that you would not date a failure like me") or they may simply reveal to her just how breathtaking she actually is (even though she already knows this).

Believe me, she has witnessed everything. So think about this: If an alluring woman is approached 5-10 times daily, that is in excess of 250 times in a single four week period! For an entire year that can be over 3,500 times! You think that your any different from all of those other men that approached her over the last year? You may be good looking, charming, physically fit, or smart but so was a percentage of the other men who approached her. And those other blokes were more than likely unsuccessful also. So what can you do to increase your chances of success?

When learning how to approach a girl in public you must have a "system" for performing it accurately. Here's a practically fool-proof way of directly approaching a woman: Walk up to any girl you see directly (and I truly do mean directly-don't hang out close to her anticipating an opportunity-you have got to head out right away) and say, "Whats up, I don't have time to speak right at this moment, I'm sort of in a hurry, but write down for me your number (or email address contact information) because I would like to talk to you." Now in order for this to work you have to say it with significant confidence. If you're sheepish or weird the moment you do it she might not react favorably. To make the strategy much more effective take out a piece of paper and a pen and hand it to her as if you had ZERO doubt that she would give you her number.

In case you are lacking confidence this might be much more difficult than it sounds to truly pull off. Simply being scared of the approach is a single dude's worst nightmare. You can find band-aid type methods that you can use to help reduce the shyness. However, these never work in the long run. The only thing that can help you once and for all to get rid of any shyness is to rehearse approaching females again and again till your self esteem accumulates (the true secret here is to disregard rejection-there are way too many women across the globe to get hung up on one in particular).

The key here when learning about approaching women anywhere is to act out self-confidence. The most excellent way to do this is usually to pretend you're an actor on a motion picture set. Or pretend to be somebody else (you should not behave like somebody else-just visualize that you're a more confident person). Pretend to be a self-confident character from one of your most beloved TV shows or films. Merely put yourself in what you think to be that character's mind-set and act out a "scene" with the woman you intend to approach. You possibly can rehearse this inside your house in the mirror which might sound strange though the more you rehearse the more normal it will eventually seem and the more confident you will become!