She Has Her Cake and Eats It Too, But No Dessert for Him

[Elliot]

I've dated some girls, not a lot like the amount you guys talk about, but enough to kind of know what I want.

I'm 32 years old, consider myself a good-looking guy, funny, caring, smart, athletic, and many more attributes.

My friends tell me I'm such a waste, cause they see that I could attract a lot more women than I do, but approaches are tough for me.

Anyway I was starting to go out with a couple of girls, with no interest of dating anyone long term.

But then one showed up. This one was not like the others.

She had something that just captivated my attention like no other girl I've ever dated.

I felt very strongly about her and this was really strange for me.

So I asked her out, had a great time, then again and again, and as time passed I just fell in love with her.

She was everything I was looking for, like the famous "this is the one" type, but there was something weird every time we'd go out we had a great time, but at the end she behaved kind of defensively.

So I thought it was 'cause she works as a model, she has to be sure I was serious about her. So I told her that she could trust me, and I wasn't going to play with her.

And then she told me she was on this long distance relationship with some other dude.

I know he's not right for her based on some stuff she told me, but she said that she didn't want to tell me about him 'cause she was really interested in knowing me.

But she couldn't finish her relationship with the other guy 'cause of all the time, and bla bla bla, all this crap that she really didn't tell straight out what it was.

So I thought "no big deal", I'll pull the big guns and she'll see the big difference.

So I did all the things I learned from your stuff and other material, and she kept going out with me, having a great time, being very comfortable with me until the end of the date or the time we'd spend together.

And every time I tried to kiss her or get closer she pulled away and became kind of cold.

I started to feel a little like I was in Groundhog Day, or 50 First Dates...great start, great date and really crappy finish.

Now any other girl I would of just said "screw this and move to the next".

The problem with this one is I feel we are so perfect for one another for the long run so I can't get myself to blow her off.

At the same time I can't take it anymore, but her porcupine attitude (you know soft on one side and on the other...ouch) is driving me crazy.

Any words of wisdom and experience?

[Rob]

Hello Elliot:

First of all, glad you are enjoying the material and that it has helped you. We love hearing that.

Now, let's get down to business.

You're going to have to "give her the gift of missing you". That is right on point in this situation.

As difficult as it sounds, you are going to need to tell this woman that you are not going to stand in the way of her relationship with her "boyfriend" anymore.

Then, you let go. Seriously. No kidding.

Am I crazy to tell you this? Not at all. Here's why.

Right now she gets to "have her cake and eat it too".

She gets her long-distance boyfriend PLUS someone to hang out with locally.

So you end up being the "sexless boyfriend", which is like being the "JBF" that she actually *does* want to be friends with...odd as that sounds.

You can get what you want out of this situation, but you have got to be a MAN first and tell her you will not put up with the duplicity.

Ironically enough, that display of leadership and strength may be exactly what she has been looking for to feel confident choosing you instead of the other guy...once and for all.

She needs to know you WANT this, but also that you will also not put up with the current situation.

Yes, you're making it easier for HER to choose you, but you're also indicating that YOU are a chooser as well. That's going to be a new

and welcome situation for her to find herself in.


So then, think about it. Who would you REALLY rather be in this situation, you or the other guy?

Believe me...he's a lot more concerned about you than you are him.

Two caveats, however.

First, I'm also assuming that the LDR she's in is non-exclusive by design. Otherwise she's a cheater. Run away.

Second, I'm also assuming that you're not exactly spending a ton of money on her. If she's getting a "meal ticket" from you here, then you need to turn off the spigot and see if she still sticks around.

[Elliot]

Thank you for your advice Rob!