How Long Do I Have To Know A Woman Before I'm Allowed To Burp Freely?

[Gray]

I don't feel like I have a good gauge as to what is appropriate. These questions seem silly to me, but I honestly am clueless.

How long do I have to know a woman before I'm allowed to burp freely? I ask about that specifically because a man that inhibits his own burps just seems like hes repressing his masculinity.

I want to be masculine. I want to high-five my friends, tell dirty jokes, and burp as loud as I want. I don't want to be Mr. Respectful-all-the-time anymore.

I also drop F bombs with my friends because I believe in speaking freely without a sense of elitist prudishness.

But should I be using F bombs on a first date? During a cold pick-up? If not, when?

It's a good question though I think because when I'm on a first date, and the woman drops an F bomb, I will noticeably feel more comfortable.

She has taken a layer of cordiality away so we can begin to be ourselves.

This leads me to believe that I definitely should do it so I can be myself, and if she is on the same page, so will she.

If she dislikes it, then I guess it's just as well that I weed her out. I just don't want to weed out women that I shouldn't.

What do you think?

[Richard]

Hello Gray:

You've brought up a fantastic topic for discussion, yet it's one that I can't recall ever addressing.

I love when that happens.

Having thought this one through before going forward with an answer, I believe what you're about to read might come as a shock to many who've been receiving my newsletters for a while.

Nevertheless, here goes...

What I believe about using profanity, especially around women, still makes as good sense as ever...as long as you're like me.

But it's arrogant of me to assume that EVERYONE is like me.

It's even more arrogant to assume that everyone SHOULD think the same way I do.

You see, I happen to find women who swear like sailors distasteful.

But you, on the other hand, don't.

And guess what? That's PERFECTLY COOL.

That means, as shocking as it may sound at first to hear me say it, you probably SHOULD establish comfort with women by talking the way you talk normally and doing what you do normally.

Be true to who you are and OWN IT with 100% confidence.

"Best judgement" in this case would mean not leading with something so crass that it would throw Andrew Dice Clay into a fit of jealousy.

Remember, it isn't that being cordial at first isn't the natural and correct thing to do. The problem I wrote about recently is that most guys KEEP being cordial for hours, days, weeks and even years. That's what keeps them from connecting effectively with women.

So then, if you like women who are a bit "rougher around the edges" you may be MORE likely to attract them by feeling free to burp here and there and tell a dirty joke, especially after you've demonstrated that you know how to make a suitable and appropriate introduction.

For sure, we have a LOT of those women right here in Texas, just like you do in Arizona. And they've got more than their fair share of guys love 'em to death.

In fact, I have a confession to make. One time I went on a date with one of those insanely sexy women who's also strong willed, a bit of a tomboy and about as smart and quick-witted as they come.

Predictably, while we were at a social function she charmed everyone so completely that we eventually had a dozen people crowded around us.

I was basking in the of glory of it all, of course.

It was then, to my utter horror, she proposed a toast which to this day is one of the most tasteless and profane ones I've ever heard.

EVERYONE loved it.

I got hoo-hahs and "attaboys" from everyone I knew for bringing her to the party. Many went on and on about what a cool girl she was.

You know what? They were right. But I just wasn't feeling it.

But man, I bet the two of you would have ADORED each other.

And that's FINE.

You see, here's the thing. Despite how people generally tend to judge each other socially, attraction itself always has been and always will be about the "big four".

Confidence. Masculinity as women define it (and the polar opposite for women, naturally), making MOTOS feel safe and comfortable in one's presence. Character.

That's what defines HIGH QUALITY. The rest is a matter of discussion and opinion.

Some of that discussion may become heated. And opinions may turn into full-blown debates.

But as I spend more and more time on this Earth, the more and more it occurs to me that some of the most honest, straightforward and well-meaning people I've ever met drop "F-bombs" and burp.

Some of them are even women.

Now, with all of that said, I do want to clarify another position that I'm confident you'll find is congruent with all else I've brought to the table thus far.

I've shown your opinion some respect, now I present another side in the name of balance and sober thinking.

I would caution against assuming that any guy who's making the judgment call to refrain from burping, cursing and telling dirty jokes in the presence of a woman is somehow repressing his masculinity.

All of that stuff represents the most raw form of machismo, which is VERY different than masculinity.

Machismo is what we as guys do to relate to and impress each other.

As such, it's heavily dependent on shared interests, cultural values and mindset.

Masculinity, however, is by definition the polar opposite of femininity, and is therefore what ignites sexual attraction in women.

Interestingly, it's boldness, confidence, a strong sense of identity, good decision making, courage, ambition, having a plan, looking out for a woman's best interests and forming valid solutions to imminent problems that literally turn a woman on.

The trappings associated with how those traits of masculinity as women define it present themselves are perhaps more irrelevant than most of us in our arrogant, self-absorbed opinions would ever guess.

In fact, there are plenty of legitimately masculine guys who would NEVER burp in public, tell dirty jokes and/or drop "f-bombs".

That's okay for them, just as how you choose to present yourself is okay for you.

Welcome to why country singers get as many women as rock stars.

It's also why poets and sculptors might attract another whole type of woman than NFL linemen do.

Ultimately, we tend to favor women whose social, cultural AND moral value match ours.

As long as she's a "big four" woman in her own right I don't mind one bit if she thinks it's hilarious when you burp and/or tells you to "F off" when you're joking around with each other.

To each his AND her own in that regard...and rightfully so.

[Gray]

Thanks for your advice Richard.