Do I Have A Man Contact Me First Or I Contact A Man Who's Profile I Like?

[Evelyn]

I would like to know if it is best to have a man contact me first or I contact a man who's profile I like.

Also

1. Does looking at the men's profile count (they know when it's viewed) as a contact?

2. When I am really interested in a man, and in his profile he mentioned some specific things we have in common, can I email him first?

3. If the man does not put his salary in his profile, when is a good time to ask this question? And how to ask it ?

Thank you.

[Sammy]

I will be happy to answer your terrific questions.


1... "Does looking at the men's profile count... do they know when it is viewed?"

I personally like this feature... I like to see the woman who have visited my on line profile.

And consider this... just in case you did not show up on his search for whatever reason... you will at least show up in his log as having viewed his profile.

This gives him a chance to see you... and if he is intrigued he may send you an email.

That way... you have at least given him an opportunity to email you first before taking matters into your own hands.


2... If you are really interested in a man... and in his profile he mentioned some specific things you have in common... what are you to do if you feel you want to email him first?

If you really want to write him first here are some tips on how to go about it.

Wait a reasonable bit of time from when you viewed his profile beforehand to give him a chance to respond.

I followed that principle when I was online.

Often times it worked and women wrote to me... when it does not work... be sure to check your log to see if he looked at your profile.

Check also to see if he is even active on the site.

If he has not been active for more than three days or a week you cannot really take the fact he has not checked you out personally... right?

Men tend to value their online interactions with women who return THEIR e mails than with women who contacted them first... and do not take that as a rule of thumb... I meet up with some very nice women who e mailed me first.

He will feel as if he has accomplished what he set out to do... which is getting a positive response from a woman HE made the decision to be interested in.

Notwithstanding that approach... if you decide to write him find something in his profile to comment about.

Keep the message short... 2... 4 sentences lest you come off as REALLY needy... do not write anything personal... like your address or contact information.

Here are a couple of phases I found on some actual Match.com profiles... and my ideas for potential responses...

This first man whose profile I found made it easy...

A... "Be sure to ask about the picture of the fire truck with the kids...cute story behind it."

Message Subject Line... As you requested...

Message Body... What is the story behind the fire truck with the kids?

This man would probably appreciate that a woman actually responded according to his suggestion... and since he asked.. does it not that make the likelihood of him continuing the conversation all the greater?

B... "I am also something and an epicurean/oenophilist... so if you care to sit down over a good vintage wine and excellent meal to compliment it let me know... I am always looking for great parings of wine and cuisine."

Message Subject Line... Mr. Wine Aficionado.......

Message Body... Have you seen Charles Metcalfes on YouTube? I have traveled through France visiting the wineries... what a blast! Are you in a wine club?

Keep it simple and light... compliments are fine... men do like women's approval.

And be sure to ask a question for him to have something to write back about.

If he does not write you back then move on to someone who is worth your time and energy.


3... If the man does not put his salary in his profile... when is a good time to ask this question... and how to ask it?"

I would avoid asking about salary directly.

Men are very much on guard about women who appear to only have money signs in their eyes... and I can assure you I am one of those men... and rightly so!

Still... it is natural for many women to desire a man who has ambition and who would be a good provider... right?

You can ask what he does for a living usually by the first or second "meet up."

Besides... how much he makes is less important than how he manages his income.

He could make £100,000 per year and be £200,000 in debt and not able to cover the bills... or he could make an average salary and have assets to show for his hard work... something to think about.

All the best to you!

[Evelyn]

Thank you for your answer, Sammy! It was very helpful.