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Dilemma - My Dream Man Already Has a Girlfriend

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  • Dilemma - My Dream Man Already Has a Girlfriend

    I met this guy from a common interest group, rather he approached me first. We started talking as friends and there was heavy flirting from his end and I ended up getting closer to him, somehow we started sexting(it was his idea), which made me closer to him. We talked for hours on calls and video calls and then one day through some post in that group, I found out that he has a gf, I was shattered and wanted to leave, I told him all about my feelings and said I'd leave, he requested and convinced me to stay and told me how important I was for him, I stayed because I love him but soon we again resumed sexting, which made me feel so guilty.

    Then one day I again saw his and his gf's comment on a post which showed that they were pretty serious(he has met his gf from the same group as well).


    So I told him this and blocked him from everywhere and cried for the whole day, and at night I got few sms from him asking me to come back and telling me how lonely and empty he felt.


    I again couldn't do it and came back but this time I asked all my questions directly from him. I asked him why he'd feel lonely if I leave even though he has a gf and how can he cheat on her when he's that level serious. He said he doesn't have any logical answer for that, he just told me not to leave. But then I argued more and pointed out his past( a girl had left him 6 years ago, whom he loved a lot and ever since he has been cheating), all this made him feel low and he accepted that he's a cheater and playing with both his gf's and my feelings, we both deserve someone better. He said he'd break up with her and I can leave too, he'll just focus on his career now. The fact that he was making no more effort to make me stay broke me and I cried and told him I want to stick by as a friend and i asked him to tell the truth to his gf and let her decide what she wants.


    He finally didn't break up with her and neither told her the truth and is still friends with me.

    It's been around 10 months since I'm talking to him and he has known his gf for 3.5years. I love him , I love him a lot, but he loves her and this makes me think that there's something lacking in me that I'm not good enough for him. They talk so romantically when I see the comments on fb and this makes me question why her? why not me?

    Before this , twice guys have left me for their exes. I have done nothing wrong, I always invest myself fully in any relationship and I'm ready to make all sacrifices, still why does everyone choose someone else over me.


    I love this guy a lot, if I can't get him I wanna get over him by still being friends.

    But last two times it took me more than an year to get over the other guys, I heal very slowly. People say I'm pretty and kind and helpful andI have a good job as well , I am 23 and still I've never been in any long term relationship. I crave emotional intimacy with someone special, I feel I've become desperate. I am an introvert so I hardly talk to many people.


    Help me, I love this guy and him choosing someone else over me makes me lower my self-esteem. I just wanna be my old confident self again, all this has changed me.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Anne View Post
    I love him , I love him a lot, but he loves her and this makes me think that there's something lacking in me that I'm not good enough for him. They talk so romantically when I see the comments on fb and this makes me question why her? why not me?
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. He met her first, so you are simply the side chick. You aren't the fall back girl because you aren't good enough but because he met her first and so she won his heart before you came into the picture.

    Originally posted by Anne View Post
    Before this , twice guys have left me for their exes. I have done nothing wrong, I always invest myself fully in any relationship and I'm ready to make all sacrifices, still why does everyone choose someone else over me.
    These two guys that left you for their ex used you as a rebound. The started dating you right after they broke up with their exes and so haven't gotten over their feelings. Hence the could easily go back to their ex, and that has nothing to do with you not being good enough.


    Originally posted by Anne View Post
    I love this guy a lot, if I can't get him I wanna get over him by still being friends.
    You can't get over him by being friends. If you continue to be friends with him, you will never get over him. Stop hurting yourself by cutting all forms of contact with him and also don't be friends with him anymore. Until you stop being friends with him, you won't be able to meet other people. There are lot of guys out there that will love and treat you better. You deserve better!

    Comment


    • Anne
      Anne commented
      Editing a comment
      My only doubt was, why would someone sext with someone else if they are really that seriously in love?

  • #3
    If you have fallen in love with a man who is already involved with another woman - then you would have to work really hard to prize him away from her. It all depends on how much he cares for his girlfriend. You could be successful in getting him to love you instead or you could fail because he really loves her. If he does care for her, then you should let things be as they are and find someone else. However you could try to getting him using these tactics.

    Let him see how captivating you are
    The trick is to get him to notice you without showing him that you are interested in him. Let him check out your looks, personality and charm. Bask in his attention without letting on that you intended to grab his attention in the first place. Once he knows that you are around and is aware of you, you can move to the second step of your plan.

    Show up the competition
    Look and dress better than his girlfriend. If you look better than her then you have a chance of becoming more attractive than she is. However you should know that looks are not everything. You will have to make him aware of how interesting you are with your charm, personality and good qualities.

    Don't be catty or mean
    If you show traits of cattiness and meanness he will not want to know you. Being catty and mean about his girlfriend will make him defend her and hate you. So don't be foolish and criticize his girlfriend.

    Become a good buddy
    It would help if you can engineer spending more time with him, even if it means seeing him with her. These times together will give both of you the opportunities you need to get to know each other better - even if you are just friends. The trick is to let him see how attractive and interesting you are.

    Let him make an unconscious comparison
    Be yourself and try to attract him subtly. Let it get to a point where he begins to compare you with his girlfriend unconsciously. Make sure you will come out the victor! Don't try to crow over her and flaunt your talents too obviously. Be sweet and unassuming and he will begin to like you more and more.

    Encourage his attentions
    If you are going to be unscrupulous and snatch him away from her - then you might as well encourage his attentions and flirt with him when she is not around. Once he realizes that you could go from being a "buddy" to someone he could care about, he will start being conscious of your body.

    Spill the means
    Once you are sure of the attraction he feels towards you, you can open up and tell him. Be sensitive enough to be certain that he has some feelings towards you too, or else you could be disappointed if he rejects you.

    Comment


    • #4
      He's doing it to his girlfriend now, he'll do it to you if you ever got together. As soon as you found out he had a GF you should of ran and cut all contact. He wants his cake and is getting it. Spend a lot more time getting to know someone first. Then you won't get hurt....

      Comment


      • Anne
        Anne commented
        Editing a comment
        I'll keep this in mind. Thanks!
        All my friends say he's not worth it because he's cheating on his gf so would he if he were with me.
        But I feel that he's actually in love with her and I'm not just good or interesting enough to grab his attention

    • #5
      sorry for that but don't act so desperate to him,look for other guys not for love but to get over it,this one will never love you one rule in a rel;relationship if a guy shows you that he has a lover never fall for him because he'll cheat on you,once a cheater always a cheater stop making him feel wanted be hard to get

      Comment


      • #6
        You do not love him, you are in love with the idea of intimacy. You crave it so bad you are willing to take all risks of getting hurt over a guy that continues to be a serial cheater. Doesn't that sound ridiculous? Because it is. Snap out of it girl, and get your head on straight. This is an addiction, you can't keep chasing the dragon...friendship should be out of the question. The only way to get past this is to give yourself a reality check. He's a d bag. If he left his GF for you, he will leave you for another and so on. He isn't relationship material. He will never be your prince charming. Cut all contact, make new friends, get a hobby.

        Comment

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