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So, back in HS and Freshman year of College, there was a girl that i had a strong relationship with. We were really close. When i went away to college, she was finishing HS - and we would write letters to each other. (Yes, this was 30 years ago) Basically, I would write a letter one week, i would get one from her the next week, etc. She'd send long letters - 6 page, 10 pages, etc. We never went out - but we did have a fight (verbal) after a misunderstanding - and a few adult beverages - and we grew apart. When AOL came out, we connected online for a bit, then reconnected when Facebook came out. Typical facebook reconnect - happy birthday, cute pic of kids, etc. She lives 5 hours away from me, and we havent seen each other in years....
A little over a year ago, she reached out after a post i posted, and we chatted online for a couple of hours. Nice, but i didn't think much of it. A couple of weeks later, chat online, then more frequently. By the time the summer started, we were talking almost daily. After some issues with Facebook messenger, i sent her my cell phone # and we started to text. We would text several times a day. She told me she would never call me. By August we were talking on the phone. Texting kept up pace.. By the end of the year, I was traveling for work internationally - and when my plane landed after a 14 hour flight - there was a text from her - lamenting about how an unexpected decision career wise came up for her - and her sounding board was unavailable. Of course i called her and we chatted.
Early this year, i knew my feelings for her were strong - but she holds her cards close to the vest. I felt i was getting mixed signals. We decided to take a break/stop talking. It lasted 10 days. I found out that when we stopped talking, she developed this ringing sound in her ear. She told me that she also had that after we stopped talking as kids.
Things escalated... We were talking about singing voices, and she told me that is a great thing when i guy could sing. I offered to sing for her, and i called her and sang. I have been complemented on my voice before, but never like this. She would ask me to sing to her all the time, including a time a couple of months ago while i was walking through Gatwick airport in London...
From time to time, we would FaceTime in the evening. Relax - PG rated..... She would FaceTime from her bed, but nothing more than PG things..... She knew how i felt, but - she was never very expressive.
Challenge is - she has a long term boyfriend who lives even further away then i do - and she sees him every other weekend. That is the only time we wouldn't talk. But she is initiating 90% of the conversations.. We were spending hours each day talking.....
Recently, we had a conversation - and she mentioned that she needs to make clear she is committed to her Boyfriend. I mentioned that were she is a flirt, she goes way beyond that with me - singing, FaceTime, etc... and is giving mixed signals. She said to me i am not sure what to do.. we are not going to be able to be more platonic on these calls. I told her i have a simple solution. Just tell me that regardless of what happens in the future - we are never going to get together.
She responded, i can't do that. I don't have a crystal ball. I don't know what is going to happen, and it isn't fair of you to ask me that. So i told her, take time - and think your thoughts. I will give you all the space you need.
I didn't hear from her for a week - then i got a FaceTime call. She is crying. She told me that we have a connection she has never had before. That she needs to tell me things, and it was tough not having me there to talk to. She mentioned she even was having some conversations with her boyfriend, and she realized she had never told him about those things - she had talked with me about them. Where he knows we are friends, he isn't aware of the frequency or intensity of our conversations. She knows he would be hurt if he found out, but it never slowed her down. She told me she has feelings for me (and mentioned i have been in many dreams of hers - but alas, no details).. But, then she told me - you can't feel like this about more than one person - and it confuses her. She said, she isn't looking to replace her Boyfriend, and knows that we are only escalating things - so we probably can't talk anymore. There was a lot more - but this was a 2+ hour conversation. She told me she was racking her brain to find ways we could stay in touch, but couldn't find them. I asked her if we should drop each other from facebook - and she told me - no, because i need to know you are ok....
This sucked, but if she is committed to her boyfriend we have no other choice. Since then, I have kept a low profile on social media, but she has been going into my old posts and liking pics (on both instagram and facebook). She has made comments on mutual friends posts alluding to innocent things i have said - sort of like so i know she is referring to or thinking about me.
My thoughts were - if she doesn't think we can talk - then we shouldn't talk. By no means is the planet at a loss from the things that i typically post on social media, but figured giving less of a presence now is a good way to keep some distance.
My gut tells me we aren't done, especially if she didn't want to totally break off connections, and she is stalking my social media pages. (Last night liked 2 posts from June and one from March).
If we are going to reconnect - i have to let her do it, since she is the one who thought we had to break. Thoughts? To be fair, she is the one who got away from my perspective, and she even mentioned to me in our "2 hour break up FaceTime chat" why couldn't i have been more confident back when we were younger, and she has wondered what things would be like today if we had .....
Thanks for letting me ramble
A little over a year ago, she reached out after a post i posted, and we chatted online for a couple of hours. Nice, but i didn't think much of it. A couple of weeks later, chat online, then more frequently. By the time the summer started, we were talking almost daily. After some issues with Facebook messenger, i sent her my cell phone # and we started to text. We would text several times a day. She told me she would never call me. By August we were talking on the phone. Texting kept up pace.. By the end of the year, I was traveling for work internationally - and when my plane landed after a 14 hour flight - there was a text from her - lamenting about how an unexpected decision career wise came up for her - and her sounding board was unavailable. Of course i called her and we chatted.
Early this year, i knew my feelings for her were strong - but she holds her cards close to the vest. I felt i was getting mixed signals. We decided to take a break/stop talking. It lasted 10 days. I found out that when we stopped talking, she developed this ringing sound in her ear. She told me that she also had that after we stopped talking as kids.
Things escalated... We were talking about singing voices, and she told me that is a great thing when i guy could sing. I offered to sing for her, and i called her and sang. I have been complemented on my voice before, but never like this. She would ask me to sing to her all the time, including a time a couple of months ago while i was walking through Gatwick airport in London...
From time to time, we would FaceTime in the evening. Relax - PG rated..... She would FaceTime from her bed, but nothing more than PG things..... She knew how i felt, but - she was never very expressive.
Challenge is - she has a long term boyfriend who lives even further away then i do - and she sees him every other weekend. That is the only time we wouldn't talk. But she is initiating 90% of the conversations.. We were spending hours each day talking.....
Recently, we had a conversation - and she mentioned that she needs to make clear she is committed to her Boyfriend. I mentioned that were she is a flirt, she goes way beyond that with me - singing, FaceTime, etc... and is giving mixed signals. She said to me i am not sure what to do.. we are not going to be able to be more platonic on these calls. I told her i have a simple solution. Just tell me that regardless of what happens in the future - we are never going to get together.
She responded, i can't do that. I don't have a crystal ball. I don't know what is going to happen, and it isn't fair of you to ask me that. So i told her, take time - and think your thoughts. I will give you all the space you need.
I didn't hear from her for a week - then i got a FaceTime call. She is crying. She told me that we have a connection she has never had before. That she needs to tell me things, and it was tough not having me there to talk to. She mentioned she even was having some conversations with her boyfriend, and she realized she had never told him about those things - she had talked with me about them. Where he knows we are friends, he isn't aware of the frequency or intensity of our conversations. She knows he would be hurt if he found out, but it never slowed her down. She told me she has feelings for me (and mentioned i have been in many dreams of hers - but alas, no details).. But, then she told me - you can't feel like this about more than one person - and it confuses her. She said, she isn't looking to replace her Boyfriend, and knows that we are only escalating things - so we probably can't talk anymore. There was a lot more - but this was a 2+ hour conversation. She told me she was racking her brain to find ways we could stay in touch, but couldn't find them. I asked her if we should drop each other from facebook - and she told me - no, because i need to know you are ok....
This sucked, but if she is committed to her boyfriend we have no other choice. Since then, I have kept a low profile on social media, but she has been going into my old posts and liking pics (on both instagram and facebook). She has made comments on mutual friends posts alluding to innocent things i have said - sort of like so i know she is referring to or thinking about me.
My thoughts were - if she doesn't think we can talk - then we shouldn't talk. By no means is the planet at a loss from the things that i typically post on social media, but figured giving less of a presence now is a good way to keep some distance.
My gut tells me we aren't done, especially if she didn't want to totally break off connections, and she is stalking my social media pages. (Last night liked 2 posts from June and one from March).
If we are going to reconnect - i have to let her do it, since she is the one who thought we had to break. Thoughts? To be fair, she is the one who got away from my perspective, and she even mentioned to me in our "2 hour break up FaceTime chat" why couldn't i have been more confident back when we were younger, and she has wondered what things would be like today if we had .....
Thanks for letting me ramble
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