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Before I get started on this Novella, I would like to say Person A was my first everything, this does not add to my ability to let go.
Person A=Female
Age: 19-21
My Age=22-24
The first year and half together was great, obviously honeymoon period. We saw each other often , intimacy was often. As the relationship went on in the last few months , I felt as Person A felt i had become a parent to her. Making sure she was dong what she had to do , and being on top of her health and school, etc. I cared, i didn't want her to fall and struggle. I had warned her about repercussions. But I kept on top of Person A because no one else was. I fed her, I paid for almost all her things, I always surprised her with things. I went above and beyond for the person to make sure they were happy and well. So much that I lost who i was, because i was so in-tuned to make sure she was okay and well. I stopped buying things for myself, i stopped doing my own things or hobbies. I was just so focused on spending time with her and making her happy.
Person A and I had dated for a year and half. Almost 2 years, but for the last(July-November) 4 months I had found out Person A had been cheating, so those months are negligible. Those 4 months were majority the summer where I had taken summer courses and was unavailable morning to 6pm. At that time Person A had been dealing with family issues and went to an "old friend" for emotional and physical affection. Person A lived an hour or two away from me, depending on traffic and Person A parents did not let them go out often. The "old friend" lived much closer then me so he was much more easily accessible especially that Person A parents didn't like her to go out and be out for long amount of hours. It was difficult to see her due to this issue in the summer. The days person A would go out she would go be the "old friend." In the Fall she told me she no longer loved me and apologized. The next day i lurked to see what had happened and this was when I found the evidence of her infidelity. 200 pages worth. Person A and "old friend" have a complicated history and had been out of her life when I met Person A so i had no idea of any knowledge of that person. She had replaced me for those 4 months. She barely contacted me.
Person A and I decided to take some time apart from each other. (December)We made a deal to write a journal for 30 days to each other , no contact. She broke after 22 days. She told me she missed me and did not want to live how she was living.
The first year of us going out, She quit smoking marijuana for me. I wasn't a fan. She had done it 5 times behind my back and sometimes I might have blown up but I blew up because she went behind my back for it. In December she had smoked a lot and realized she didn't' want to live like that. So we talked it out and compromised. Moderation. We didn't really fight, we talked everything out. we always came to a compromise.We didn't have problems with each other. In the beginning of relationship she was the clingy one , the needy one etc. After she cheated on me , it became me. After saying she loved me again December , in January, she told me she didn't love me anymore again and wanted to be alone and not be with anyone. that she wanted no sexual relationship or even thought of sex. She was just trying to improve herself and be independent. She had told me she blocked the "old friend", she re-added him and interacted with him in January. All of January i fought to be with her. We still played together video games and kept contact, she likes attention. At the end of January she told me wanted space from me. Three days later she calls me asking for help, she needs to fix a school issue and solve it for her. Saved her life. In February i tell her and give her a letter , its me or old friend basically. She tells me she was going to ask me out for Valentines day , but the week before Valentines day i see she is still intimate with old friend. So I end contact with her.
(March)Our birthdays are close together and surprised her with an intimate Spa day. It went well. Physical , emotional , etc.
the second week into March she keeps asking to spend time together. So we do, and she says shes happy again. I told her not to tell me she loves unless she means it again. We are having sex again obviously but she still says there shes not attracted to me anymore., that her love is platonic. The weird thing was that she was sincere in saying i was the best sex she had, and that i only improved with my oral game(there was a problem with it prior)Another thing she disliked was smell of penis and taste of cum but i was lathering more and fixing that issue.(Wasnt always an issue)
After a few more days spending time together and being intimate she tells me she loves me again. At this point i was very clingy in march, insecure, etc. All bad things, i had been watching her every move making sure she hadn't tried anything. I didn't trust her yet. I was so fixated on her going back to the other guy or doing something behind my back because she would not let go contact of him, because they were "best friends". I had asked her who you talking to , what you doing. I was too on top of her. In April she ended things to try and be with a completely different person. Someone who was opposite of me. Muscular and just self indulged. She told me she didn't love me anymore, She wasn't attracted to me. She wanted me to leave her alone basically. She really waned to be with this new person. I gave her a letter in May and had a hard time letting go. I would call her once a week or so. Anyway, we finally blocked each other at the end of May. She had to do it. I had spoke to her a times times this June, missing her. She had called me to tell me she was throwing the journal i wrote for her in December away, she had finally read it but it was too much for her to keep. She wanted to let me know. She had then called me the next day to say she didn't like how the talk ended between us that day. We spent a day playing video games together and i regretted it because she just thinks for herself at the moment. I had also sent her an erotic story i wrote but that was dumb of me, she said it was inappropriate and i cant send her that. She talks to so many guys now probably plus that one guy she is in love with(i feel like its more like infatuation) while i'm here and suffer. The guy is playing hard to get as well or just using her. She is moving on clearly, will learn many lessons. I did everything for her or tried to and that was wrong of me.She doesn't want anything to do with me it seems, and just wants to move on. I had called her 3x today after one week of not speaking and she was at work and sounded irritated that i called(she picked up on third call) I apologized and hung up. I know she wont call me back or text me. She loves someone who i don't think loves her. Talking to guys who really don't have any interest in her besides sexual. She loves attention. I'm happy she has a job now and is doing well for that fact. She had smoked all of May and cooled down in June.
So now... i'm at the point where i have no connection to my former love and there's nothing i can do. The only thing i can do is move on, improve myself. She gave me no reason for doing what she did, i know she has low self-esteem and other problems. She made me feel worthless but i know i'm one special guy. She turned my good, into unhealthy. I had never been insecure or clingy prior or needy. I became everything a girl hates after that. I know now i cant see her because of how i feel and how i am. That is why i must improve and keep my distance. I don't want to lose her from my life though. I want to be with her after everything but it must be a clean slate. I want to attract her again. I've been going to the gym and looking for job . Try and build up my career while in my last year of school. Guidance and thoughts are much appreciated. Any Questions or inquiries?
I also am disappointed in myself that i contacted her and became what i had become and i don't want to be that way. I think i might have annoyed her by trying to keep in contact. Have i damaged my chances in getting having another change with her? I know she read the letter i gave her in May recently again, but i'm not taking it as a good bad sign. I don't want her to hate me or think of me as annoying. I don't want to be the crazy Ex. She had called me the best thing to ever happen to her and she was the happiest she ever was with me. She appreciated everything i did for her etc. I miss her.
Forgot to ADD: blocked from all contact
Person A=Female
Age: 19-21
My Age=22-24
The first year and half together was great, obviously honeymoon period. We saw each other often , intimacy was often. As the relationship went on in the last few months , I felt as Person A felt i had become a parent to her. Making sure she was dong what she had to do , and being on top of her health and school, etc. I cared, i didn't want her to fall and struggle. I had warned her about repercussions. But I kept on top of Person A because no one else was. I fed her, I paid for almost all her things, I always surprised her with things. I went above and beyond for the person to make sure they were happy and well. So much that I lost who i was, because i was so in-tuned to make sure she was okay and well. I stopped buying things for myself, i stopped doing my own things or hobbies. I was just so focused on spending time with her and making her happy.
Person A and I had dated for a year and half. Almost 2 years, but for the last(July-November) 4 months I had found out Person A had been cheating, so those months are negligible. Those 4 months were majority the summer where I had taken summer courses and was unavailable morning to 6pm. At that time Person A had been dealing with family issues and went to an "old friend" for emotional and physical affection. Person A lived an hour or two away from me, depending on traffic and Person A parents did not let them go out often. The "old friend" lived much closer then me so he was much more easily accessible especially that Person A parents didn't like her to go out and be out for long amount of hours. It was difficult to see her due to this issue in the summer. The days person A would go out she would go be the "old friend." In the Fall she told me she no longer loved me and apologized. The next day i lurked to see what had happened and this was when I found the evidence of her infidelity. 200 pages worth. Person A and "old friend" have a complicated history and had been out of her life when I met Person A so i had no idea of any knowledge of that person. She had replaced me for those 4 months. She barely contacted me.
Person A and I decided to take some time apart from each other. (December)We made a deal to write a journal for 30 days to each other , no contact. She broke after 22 days. She told me she missed me and did not want to live how she was living.
The first year of us going out, She quit smoking marijuana for me. I wasn't a fan. She had done it 5 times behind my back and sometimes I might have blown up but I blew up because she went behind my back for it. In December she had smoked a lot and realized she didn't' want to live like that. So we talked it out and compromised. Moderation. We didn't really fight, we talked everything out. we always came to a compromise.We didn't have problems with each other. In the beginning of relationship she was the clingy one , the needy one etc. After she cheated on me , it became me. After saying she loved me again December , in January, she told me she didn't love me anymore again and wanted to be alone and not be with anyone. that she wanted no sexual relationship or even thought of sex. She was just trying to improve herself and be independent. She had told me she blocked the "old friend", she re-added him and interacted with him in January. All of January i fought to be with her. We still played together video games and kept contact, she likes attention. At the end of January she told me wanted space from me. Three days later she calls me asking for help, she needs to fix a school issue and solve it for her. Saved her life. In February i tell her and give her a letter , its me or old friend basically. She tells me she was going to ask me out for Valentines day , but the week before Valentines day i see she is still intimate with old friend. So I end contact with her.
(March)Our birthdays are close together and surprised her with an intimate Spa day. It went well. Physical , emotional , etc.
the second week into March she keeps asking to spend time together. So we do, and she says shes happy again. I told her not to tell me she loves unless she means it again. We are having sex again obviously but she still says there shes not attracted to me anymore., that her love is platonic. The weird thing was that she was sincere in saying i was the best sex she had, and that i only improved with my oral game(there was a problem with it prior)Another thing she disliked was smell of penis and taste of cum but i was lathering more and fixing that issue.(Wasnt always an issue)
After a few more days spending time together and being intimate she tells me she loves me again. At this point i was very clingy in march, insecure, etc. All bad things, i had been watching her every move making sure she hadn't tried anything. I didn't trust her yet. I was so fixated on her going back to the other guy or doing something behind my back because she would not let go contact of him, because they were "best friends". I had asked her who you talking to , what you doing. I was too on top of her. In April she ended things to try and be with a completely different person. Someone who was opposite of me. Muscular and just self indulged. She told me she didn't love me anymore, She wasn't attracted to me. She wanted me to leave her alone basically. She really waned to be with this new person. I gave her a letter in May and had a hard time letting go. I would call her once a week or so. Anyway, we finally blocked each other at the end of May. She had to do it. I had spoke to her a times times this June, missing her. She had called me to tell me she was throwing the journal i wrote for her in December away, she had finally read it but it was too much for her to keep. She wanted to let me know. She had then called me the next day to say she didn't like how the talk ended between us that day. We spent a day playing video games together and i regretted it because she just thinks for herself at the moment. I had also sent her an erotic story i wrote but that was dumb of me, she said it was inappropriate and i cant send her that. She talks to so many guys now probably plus that one guy she is in love with(i feel like its more like infatuation) while i'm here and suffer. The guy is playing hard to get as well or just using her. She is moving on clearly, will learn many lessons. I did everything for her or tried to and that was wrong of me.She doesn't want anything to do with me it seems, and just wants to move on. I had called her 3x today after one week of not speaking and she was at work and sounded irritated that i called(she picked up on third call) I apologized and hung up. I know she wont call me back or text me. She loves someone who i don't think loves her. Talking to guys who really don't have any interest in her besides sexual. She loves attention. I'm happy she has a job now and is doing well for that fact. She had smoked all of May and cooled down in June.
So now... i'm at the point where i have no connection to my former love and there's nothing i can do. The only thing i can do is move on, improve myself. She gave me no reason for doing what she did, i know she has low self-esteem and other problems. She made me feel worthless but i know i'm one special guy. She turned my good, into unhealthy. I had never been insecure or clingy prior or needy. I became everything a girl hates after that. I know now i cant see her because of how i feel and how i am. That is why i must improve and keep my distance. I don't want to lose her from my life though. I want to be with her after everything but it must be a clean slate. I want to attract her again. I've been going to the gym and looking for job . Try and build up my career while in my last year of school. Guidance and thoughts are much appreciated. Any Questions or inquiries?
I also am disappointed in myself that i contacted her and became what i had become and i don't want to be that way. I think i might have annoyed her by trying to keep in contact. Have i damaged my chances in getting having another change with her? I know she read the letter i gave her in May recently again, but i'm not taking it as a good bad sign. I don't want her to hate me or think of me as annoying. I don't want to be the crazy Ex. She had called me the best thing to ever happen to her and she was the happiest she ever was with me. She appreciated everything i did for her etc. I miss her.
Forgot to ADD: blocked from all contact
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