Lets get me my girl back after 4 months and going

[lewoof]

Hi guys,




I am trying so hard to get back with my ex-girlfriend. So a little background here is I went to high school with her for 4 years and then in university first year I started to become attracted to her and as time progressed the attraction grew. I always talked to her through the four years of university and then finally in third year of university I told her I liked her, she took it as a joke at first but then she actually asked again to make sure I wasn't joking which I wasn't. So from there on we began to hang out and inevitably I ask her to be my girlfriend after a couples months of trying to ask her but not having the kahunas to ask and one courageous night I ask her out and she gladly says yes.




So fast forward a to now, we got into a lot of arguments about me making time out of my schedule or putting in effort (an aside I kept my relationship really secretive from others and making sure it wasn't public). We continued to have these fights are arguments and she was constantly disappointed which i knew and i dealt with it or attempted to for a little bit then it would just slip away. One night the tension and argument built up and she ended up breaking up with me over text (usually we have any issues we deal with them face to face and squash the issue). We always did and i say i would change it and ill do it in all reality i said i would do it but i didnt provide any results. Then after she broke up I assumed the typical douche bag type of guy that a couple weeks later she will come back...but NOPE! Then a couple weeks go by and she told me she got tinder, that now upsetted me a lot and i became an utter asshole and a month goes by and I tell her the reason behind me being an asshole to her because she got tinder. So at this point in time 6-7 weeks go by. She tells me that if i made an effort right from after she dumped me then chances would be greater but not so much now is what she said. Then for about 2-3 weeks we talk and I continuously ask about the relationship where she stands, and she tells me if she sees consistent change that she will most definitely considerate, and i begin to give her results and doing small things like visit her at work with a coffee. Then things get heaty because at this point in time I want this back so bad and keep pushing it and we end up going on a break for a month, so a period of no contact for 30 days. She comes back from her trip and messages me out of panic because something happened school related for her. I talk to her and we talk and comfort her. At this point I have realized reflected on what I did wrong in the relationship and begin to fix it 2-3 months after she dumped me and dressed up for dinner and took her to a super nice place for the first time and then keep doing little things like sending roses to her work, baking her a cake, sending good morning messages. At this point its been 3 months since we have been broken up and I ask her about getting back into a relationship she tells me "its a process" and "I want it to happen naturally" and then i've been doing things and working my ass off for her and im getting frustrated because the answer I get from her when she tells me her thoughts on a relationship are "IDK (I dont know)." She opens up one night telling me that its easy for her to cut people off and then she tells me i love you but not the same way. So this goes on for a little whiles. Then we go on our second break and I message her in the middle of the night three weeks into it talking about the relationship and how im trying to change things and actually make an effort. She tells me where was the effort in the relationship during the year and a half. Then begins to tell me she sees me in a different way where before I was the reason she laughed and made jokes with and was happy but then she tells me now i don't see you the same way i gave you many chances in the relationship you blew them off and why are you putting effort into the relationship four months after. She's like im happy where i am at and you dont accept the answer im giving you.




I need to with my girl back I miss her so much and I just want to prove my worth to her

[Gray]

Surprisingly the way to get her to pay attention to you again is somewhat dramatic. Although you may feel inclined to simply send her a long email explaining what you're feeling or you want to call her up to do the same, don't. At this very moment your ex girlfriend has the feeling of being in control of the situation. She knows full well that you're in deep emotional pain over the break up. Even though she'd like you to believe that she's unaware of what you're going through, she's not. She's very aware of it and it feeds into her ego. She knows, without question, that if she were to call you up right now and ask you to come back, you'd trip over your feet running to do just that.

You have to change that perception immediately. The way to regain her attention is very simple. You have to act as though you don't care either. There's absolutely no reason for you to be cruel or unkind when you're doing this. You just need to send her a short text message or email letting her know that you now see the reason for the break up and thanking her for being part of your life. Wish her well in a very generic way and leave it at that. If you can manage to do this in a telephone call while keeping your composure that's even better. All that you need to do from that point forward is ignore her completely.

Once she comes to realize that you've essentially dumped her too, her attitude will shift. No longer in control, she'll start to see what she's lost and it's then that your ex girlfriend will suddenly become the one chasing after you to come back to her.

[Becky]

Learning how to apologize to your girlfriend the right way involves recognizing that being genuine and direct is the best approach. You have to first come to terms with what you did that hurt her. Be honest with yourself about this. Don't try and sugar coat it or explain it away. Own up to it. Recognize that you made a horrible mistake. Once you can do that, it's then time to approach her to let her know you're sorry.

Bringing along a peace offering may seem like a great idea when you're thinking about how to say sorry to your girlfriend, but it's actually not. Flowers are the typical gift that a man presents a woman when he's done something to hurt her, but you want to leave the flowers at home for now. Instead, call up your girlfriend, ask her to meet you somewhere and then be there early. You don't want to keep her waiting.

Try to keep your emotions in check as you tell her simply that you're sorry for what you've done. Don't try and go into a long and drawn out explanation for your actions. Just tell her that you regret what you've done and the pain it has caused her. You may feel a desire to tell her that you won't do it again, but now may not be the right time for that. She may not believe you because she's so lost in emotional pain.

Your actions following the apology are just as critical as the apology itself. You have to change and you have to let your behavior speak for you. From this moment on you need to make a vow to yourself that you won't do whatever it was that caused the conflict in the first place. Show your girlfriend you are mature enough to identify and learn from your mistakes. That's really what she wants and when she sees that you're willing to grow and improve who you are, she'll be much more willing to forgive and forget.

[Dennis]

One of the crucial things to say to get your ex girlfriend back is that you're sorry for the pain you've caused her. Right after a break up emotions are right at the surface. That's the reason that it's difficult to talk with an ex without getting overwhelmed. You feel so many conflicting things and it all just boils over. She feels those same difficult emotions you're feeling and if you could find the strength to apologize for the hurt that lead up to the break up and the aftermath that will go a long way towards helping her heal. It really doesn't matter who dumped who at this point. Right now it's all about doing what needs to be done to get her back and that starts with a heartfelt apology.

Another of the things to say to get your ex girlfriend back is a bit surprising but it does work. Tell her that you would love if you two could become friends. Expect her to look or sound a bit confused by this idea. She's likely expecting you to instead beg for another chance at love. By asking her to be just a friend you're sending a subtle message. You're telling her that you care for her as a person and not just as a romantic person. She may be a bit wary of the idea at first, but if you prove what a great friend you can be, she'll definitely come around.

During all of this ensure that you continually tell her how glad you are that you two met and that even though things didn't work out between you two, you're still grateful to have her in your life. Those words will seep in and she'll start to open back up to you again. The key to getting her to love you again is to be kind and considerate, always.

[lewoof]

Surprisingly the way to get her to pay attention to you again is somewhat dramatic. Although you may feel inclined to simply send her a long email explaining what you're feeling or you want to call her up to do the same, don't. At this very moment your ex girlfriend has the feeling of being in control of the situation. She knows full well that you're in deep emotional pain over the break up. Even though she'd like you to believe that she's unaware of what you're going through, she's not. She's very aware of it and it feeds into her ego. She knows, without question, that if she were to call you up right now and ask you to come back, you'd trip over your feet running to do just that.

You have to change that perception immediately. The way to regain her attention is very simple. You have to act as though you don't care either. There's absolutely no reason for you to be cruel or unkind when you're doing this. You just need to send her a short text message or email letting her know that you now see the reason for the break up and thanking her for being part of your life. Wish her well in a very generic way and leave it at that. If you can manage to do this in a telephone call while keeping your composure that's even better. All that you need to do from that point forward is ignore her completely.

Once she comes to realize that you've essentially dumped her too, her attitude will shift. No longer in control, she'll start to see what she's lost and it's then that your ex girlfriend will suddenly become the one chasing after you to come back to her.

I see that I am continuously feeding her emotions and making her feel like she is getting the attention that she needs. I see that now how its making her feel like how she is in control and totally dictating my emotions. I texted her last night saying, I thank you for being in my life and maybe we can rekindle something after the end of this. I thought of it this way where I could be her safety net for her without being in a relationship where she will see that and see how she sees me differently, because currently she says she sees me differently because of what I did in the past and says I was constantly disappointing her and I feel like her spark is extinguished, trying to restart that will be difficult.

So with this gesture it sounds like completely drop her and if she texts what do I do?

[lewoof]

Learning how to apologize to your girlfriend the right way involves recognizing that being genuine and direct is the best approach. You have to first come to terms with what you did that hurt her. Be honest with yourself about this. Don't try and sugar coat it or explain it away. Own up to it. Recognize that you made a horrible mistake. Once you can do that, it's then time to approach her to let her know you're sorry.

Bringing along a peace offering may seem like a great idea when you're thinking about how to say sorry to your girlfriend, but it's actually not. Flowers are the typical gift that a man presents a woman when he's done something to hurt her, but you want to leave the flowers at home for now. Instead, call up your girlfriend, ask her to meet you somewhere and then be there early. You don't want to keep her waiting.

Try to keep your emotions in check as you tell her simply that you're sorry for what you've done. Don't try and go into a long and drawn out explanation for your actions. Just tell her that you regret what you've done and the pain it has caused her. You may feel a desire to tell her that you won't do it again, but now may not be the right time for that. She may not believe you because she's so lost in emotional pain.

Your actions following the apology are just as critical as the apology itself. You have to change and you have to let your behavior speak for you. From this moment on you need to make a vow to yourself that you won't do whatever it was that caused the conflict in the first place. Show your girlfriend you are mature enough to identify and learn from your mistakes. That's really what she wants and when she sees that you're willing to grow and improve who you are, she'll be much more willing to forgive and forget.

I came to a realization after the relationship ended a month later. With what I have done. I created a entire list of what I did and where I messed up and created different alternative in case of the future when it happens because it will happen and will deescalde the situation significantly. I told her meeting up with her a month back and telling her I am sorry for what I have done and what I am willing to do to change it and telling her that I cannot change anything from the past other than learn and grow from it and apply that to the future when that happens. Her response is that I do not see you the same way anymore because of what I did and how I constantly let her down and I became the reason for her to be disappointed and that really dictated her emotions and how she doesn't see me the same way or is moved on.

I want to get her back and im willing to do anything for her. But I have done it and accepted the apology and said she doesn't want the relationship to be forced she wants it to happen naturally. She always uses the phrase if its meant to be its meant to be. Right now feels like a hump that only she can smooth out with what I do or space.

[lewoof]

One of the crucial things to say to get your ex girlfriend back is that you're sorry for the pain you've caused her. Right after a break up emotions are right at the surface. That's the reason that it's difficult to talk with an ex without getting overwhelmed. You feel so many conflicting things and it all just boils over. She feels those same difficult emotions you're feeling and if you could find the strength to apologize for the hurt that lead up to the break up and the aftermath that will go a long way towards helping her heal. It really doesn't matter who dumped who at this point. Right now it's all about doing what needs to be done to get her back and that starts with a heartfelt apology.

Another of the things to say to get your ex girlfriend back is a bit surprising but it does work. Tell her that you would love if you two could become friends. Expect her to look or sound a bit confused by this idea. She's likely expecting you to instead beg for another chance at love. By asking her to be just a friend you're sending a subtle message. You're telling her that you care for her as a person and not just as a romantic person. She may be a bit wary of the idea at first, but if you prove what a great friend you can be, she'll definitely come around.

During all of this ensure that you continually tell her how glad you are that you two met and that even though things didn't work out between you two, you're still grateful to have her in your life. Those words will seep in and she'll start to open back up to you again. The key to getting her to love you again is to be kind and considerate, always.

It has been four months now. I just pulled the friendship card, but she said that " I don't want you to use friendship as an excuse not to move on" BUT I have tried to move on but it always gravitate towards her. I am unsure how often we should talk if this were to happen. Because beforehand we would always talk almost every week for years 1-4 but started talking to her everyday for the last 4-8 years. Now she sometimes doesn't message back. She is a very strong and critical girl that likes to think and let her mind ponder.

[lewoof]

I am afraid I will loose her completely and she will not come back because of me trying so hard for the last couple months and her not reciprocating any of that. Other than say "Where was this effort in the relationship, a year ago" I need my girl back and I want to show her what I am capable of. Because my effort went from 25% all the way up to 100% in the last month and now she made me slow it down in the beginning of this month because it was so much all of the sudden.

[Gray]

So with this gesture it sounds like completely drop her and if she texts what do I do?

What happens when your ex responds? What do you say then? How do you respond to their response?

Hopefully you were careful about the first few texts you sent. After all, you shouldn't be trying to get your ex back right off the bat.

Instead, you simply want to open the lines of communication and give your ex the opportunity to start a conversation, but only if he or she wants to. Your first few texts should never put any pressure on your ex to respond.

So let's assume you did that and sent a good "across the bow" text to get the ball rolling. Maybe it was something like, "Just caught myself thinking of you when I heard that Adele song you love. Hope you're doing great."

Now it's a waiting game. How is your ex going to respond? There are 4 possible scenarios.

1.) No response at all

2.) A neutral response

3.) A positive response

4.) A negative response

If you get no response at all, it's ok. Don't worry about it. Your ex may not be ready to hear from you. Wait a few days or a week and then try again with another text message variation. Whatever you do, don't start sending them message after message asking them why they aren't replying to you.

A neutral response is something like, "Thanks" or "I'm ok, thanks. You?" If your ex responds like this, you may be tempted to reply back and get into a big long conversation with them. But you shouldn't. Instead, reply in a friendly, but equally as neutral way and end the conversation.

For example, "I'm good. Hey, I gotta run, but nice hearing from you. Bye for now."

More than likely you won't get a super positive response unless you broke up with your ex and they're excited to hear from you because they weren't ready for the relationship to end. If they broke up with you, they may also have realized they made a mistake and may therefore be extremely happy to hear from you.

Again, don't get into a long conversation. Treat this much like a neutral response. Reply back that you're doing great, it was awesome to hear from them but you have to go, and then end the conversation. This will keep them missing you and longing for you even more.

Lastly, if you get an extremely negative response from your ex, then you will need to give them more time. In this case, don't text them again for several weeks. If they say something like, "I'm still really hurt and really don't want to talk to you right now" just reply with something like "Sorry. I totally understand. Hope you're doing well."

No matter what response you get from your ex, always be the one to end the conversation first and resist the urge to get into a long, drawn out conversation. It's extremely hard to resist the urge to talk to them more, especially when you get a positive response, but you'll put yourself in a much better position to win them back if you keep them wanting more.