Winning her back

[Romantic_And_Hopeless]

Hi! Here's my story real quick,
About a year ago I started an in office romance with a co-worker.
We work right next to each other and everyday began the day over coffee and went to lunch....EVERYDAY!

As time progressed our physical relationship started to fade but we still remained very close and very much in love. Now she is wanting to remain friends and still go to lunch. I'm trying to employ the No-Contact rule but that is difficult to do effectively when we work together (She sits next to me and we work very close. Needless to say it takes ALOT of work to remain professional)

I'm thinking I don't want to be friends with her and want to cut off lunch and coffee entirely. I would like to make her miss me. Should I be sticking to the NC rule and totally cut out lunch? I've been not texting her intentionally.

She's also struck up a "friend-ship" which I think it progressing into something more serious. When I told her I couldn't do lunch the other day, she got really short and seemed upset. Is that a characteristic I'm looking for?

Thinking its over though. Any advice, besides "Don't date co-workers"

[Anthony]

Admitting that you feel trapped within the working relationship is actually a good thing. Some men plant their heels firmly into the invisible sand and declare that they aren't going to keep working with their ex so she has to leave and find new employment. If you've already tried doing this you know it won't work. If you admit to yourself that working with her is painful, you'll then be able to equip yourself with the emotional tools you need to get through each day. You can even conquer this to the point that her presence doesn't affect you at all.

Begin by acknowledging that you two had a relationship. If you pretend that she's just another co-worker you're not going to fool yourself. Admit to yourself that you had deep feelings for her and that those feelings caused pain when you two did break up. If you refuse to admit that you felt anything and you try constantly to convince yourself that her presence in your workplace means nothing to you, you won't be winning any battles. Instead, look at her, embrace what she meant to you and accept that the romantic part of your relationship is over now and you two are solely co-workers.

Talk to her about any loose ends that may be floating between the two of you. If you ended the relationship with a huge argument, now is the time to clear the air. Resentment can very easily creep into your working dynamic and others will notice it. If you don't want your situation at work compromised, you must learn how to handle any issues that are still causing friction between you and your ex. Have this discussion outside of the work environment. I wouldn't recommend asking your ex out for dinner as this can easily be misinterpreted as a date. Instead, suggest a coffee during your lunch break or at the end of the day. Be clear when you do talk to her about any lingering problems between you two. Just explain that you recognize how important her job is as well as your job and you'd like her to help you work towards a resolution so there aren't any bad feelings between the two of you that might impact your performance at work.

It's also a good idea to try and steer clear of any conversations she may be having publicly about her current dating life. This can be hurtful, even if you feel that you've moved forward and away from the break up. It's best not to tempt fate by finding yourself in the middle of a water cooler discussion about how great her new boyfriend is. Keep to yourself at work, and your ex girlfriend will soon become just another girl you see at work.

[Rachael]

So, the relationship has ended. You can not get that girl off your mind! You want her back, no doubt about it. You want to begin taking steps to get her back right away. Before that will happen, you must make some changes.

1. What went wrong. The first step in winning her back is learning what you did that caused the breakup? Reflect on the relationship and look closely at your behavior. Whatever caused the breakup must be recognized and acknowledged, and then it must be fixed.

2. Apologize and make amends. Once you know what brought the relationship to an end, you can apologize for the part you played in the breakup. Learn what you might do that would tell her you are sincerely sorry for your actions, and that you want to restore the relationship.

3. The bad behavior must go. The behavior you had going before the breakup did not work, so you must make changes. You must decide what those changes will be, and that you can make them a permanent part of who you are.

4. Change her mind. The next step in winning her back would be to get her to want to try the relationship again. That will probably take some time and lots of patience. You will want her to remember the good times you had. You also will want to convince her that you can make her happy again.

5. Mind your manners. Be on your best behavior all the time. At every opportunity show her the great qualities that attracted her the first time and, of course, those qualities that you have recently developed. If you are kind and thoughtful, considerate and patient, she will see that you are serious about the apology you gave her. If your behavior extends over a lengthy time period, she will be more willing to risk starting up the relationship again.

6. Learn to communicate with her. Frequently, relationships become comfortable and the parties stop taking time to talk to each other. This may have been one of the problems in the relationship. As you are working on winning her back, establish good communication. Talk with her, and listen not only to the words she speaks, but get the message behind those words. You will make points by just listening to her.

7. Continue to be friendly. When you are out and happen to meet this special lady and her friends, always greet her with a smile. Be polite and courteous. Treat her like she was really important to you. At the same time, do not make her feel like she is being followed, watched, or smothered. Give her space to enjoy the time with her friends.

No doubt she is taking in the new you. She is remembering the good times, the happy times she had with you. If she encourages you to call here, do so within a reasonable amount of time. This signals that she likes the new you and is ready to try the relationship again.

[Roy]

You see, to learn how to win her heart back you've got to understand why she left. Women act on feelings and emotion much more than men do and are also prone to be affected with emotion a lot more too; it's just how they're hardwired. Women get into relationships with guys because they satisfy their emotions.

However when they are not being fulfilled emotionally by their partner, they get up and leave. To win back your ex you need to be able to fulfill her emotional desires and convince her that you can be her man.

The first stage to getting your ex girlfriend back is separation. Now this may sound completely counterproductive but trust me this is the best thing to do in these circumstances. This is because by not contacting her you are giving her a chance to miss you and wonder what you are up to, rather than being constantly bugged by you.

The second step to learning how to win her heart back is to slowly start communicating with her again. Call her and arrange to meet up casually somewhere, but don't make it feel like some kind of intense date.

When you meet her again, stay strong and don't start bringing up your deep feelings and getting all emotional here.

After a while you can then begin to subtly show your intentions. Don't admit to her that you love her but also don't kill the romance. Basically what you want to do is begin flirting with her again and let her know you are still romantically interested in her. This is when you can reminisce about the good times you and her shared and let her know that you realise something went wrong and you can put it right.