If he is with someone new, is it too late?

[Maddie6]

My ex and I were together for 3 years. We have been broken up for about a month now. To me everything seemed perfect until the last week of our relationship. He started to ignore my texts and became distant. Well it was a Wednesday night when he called me and told me he didn't know what he was feeling right now and that he was worried once I got to college that I would want to meet new people and be with other guys (he's my first real boyfriend), so he said this worried him. So we agreed on a break since he wasn't telling me want he was feeling or wanted. And 20 minutes late I get a call from him asking to come over and talk. We said all the things a girl wants to hear and I beleive he meant everything he said. But after he became distant again and he broke up with me on Sunday saying he wasn't happy right now and that the spark was gone. He said he just needed time for himself right now and need to figure things out and that he is just confused. He pulled the "oh it's not you it's me" card. Well we didn't really talk for 2 weeks after that until he texted me and said he was thinking about me a lot lately about how he missed me and us. Then I saw him for the first time the next day at a going away party. He seemed so happy to see me and he looking at me the way he used to whenever was perfect. We talked and said he realized that he was being selfish and that no girl could come close to me. He said he missed and loved me and wanted to start hanging out again soon. Well after that he had to leave town again but we will talked on and off during that time. But then less than a week later he said he still felt the same way but thought it would be good to be on a break this summer since we are going to the same college next year. He said it will give us a new perspective on things and will change the way we think about things. But now 2 weeks later I found out he has been hanging out with someone. I know it probably won't last but it still hurts so much. What should I do? I honestly feel like he is "the one" and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Everyone says just either give it time, or if he is the one things will work out. But what do you guys think?

[Becky]

You can get your ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend if you establish a friendship with him. This is going to seem like a step in the wrong direction if you're still in love with him, but it's not. When a relationship ends and you still desperately love your ex, you're going to immediately begin to think of ways to gain back the romantic relationship you two shared. Doing that, especially when they've already started dating someone new, can be near impossible. However, it's not difficult at all to establish a friendship. Tell your boyfriend that you'd love it if you two could remain friends. Do this when you're feeling very calm and centered. You don't want to cry or plead with him to be your friend. Just mention it to him. Chances are very good that he'll be receptive.

Another thing you absolutely must do if you want to get him back is be kind and welcoming to her. This isn't easy but it's essential to your master plan to win him back. If you show him, through your actions, that you're not jealous and that you want the best for him, he'll become more open to you. You can do this by being friendly to her. This doesn't mean you should go out of your way to spend time with her and you certainly don't want to bond with her as best friends, but be cordial to her. When you talk with him, ask about her. Over time he'll begin to see you as a confidante and he'll start sharing his thoughts and feelings about her. Be supportive without choosing sides and when their relationship starts to unravel, you'll be right there waiting to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. This will instantly bond you two again.

[Clinton]

If your boyfriend has started dating again don't focus all of your energy and attention on the new woman in his life. The fact of the matter is that he's moved on even if you haven't. You can't fault her for being with him because she obviously sees qualities in him that you do as well. Getting angry with her or plotting some sinister plan to sabotage their relationship won't help you in the least. Revenge is not sweet in any sense. It will only serve to make you look childish and immature. You must accept that he cares for her and that for now, she's a part of the picture. You can actually use her to your advantage in your quest to get him back with you.

Let your boyfriend know that you're happy for him the next time you two talk. Don't make a point of calling him up just to say this. That will seem much too obvious and forced. Instead, wait until you run into him or if he contacts you then you can use it as an opportunity to share your well wishes. It may feel hard to tell him that you're okay with his new relationship but if you want to build a foundation to get him back, it's an important step.

Most men are very open to the idea of being friends with their ex girlfriends. If you're friendly and supportive he'll see no reason for you two not to be friends. If his new girlfriend can feel confident that your interest is strictly platonic she won't feel threatened by you and that will encourage him to feel even closer to you. Work on becoming his number one confidante and you'll soon see that he'll share more and more about their relationship with you. You'll take on the role of being the person he can count on and once they start to hit a bump in the road of their relationship, he'll come running to you for comfort again.