What should I do

[sunshineray]

So where do I start? I've been officially broken up with my boyfriend for about 2 weeks now. Here is my story:

I am 19 but we met Junior year of HS, basically when I was 16 and he was 17. We grew very fond of each others, our families got along very well and his family loves me and everything. HS was good, we would have little disagreements here and there, but no big blow ups. Then we both got into the same college and we thought everything was going great but I guess not. The first year of college was a little rough. He didn't feel like he was making friends and would tell me he would feel lonely. It took him about half the year to finally find his group of friends. When he finally found them that is when I was not well. I would have school and work a lot, so what I wanted to do when I would get home after those long shift was to see him and hangout. He would either tell me he was too busy or that he was hanging out with his friends. I guess I got a little annoyed and jealous as one girl in the group he thought was pretty (very childish I know). So all this stress would pile up and we would fight but always make up. We then went on a big trip just the two of us, back in my homeland France, but I guess he wasn't happy or comfortable so he broke up with me. At first he was dead set but then I went back to uni a month early which got him to think and we got back together. Fast forward, we are now roommate because of some unfortunate circumstances and are now officially broken up after almost 3 years of dating. When I asked him why he told me because I did not let him do what he wanted because I wanted him to be home earlier than he wished ( he would come home at 2-4am from his friends and take a shower... which would wake me up). So anyway, we are broken up now but still friends, and he is in the process of moving out. We still care very much about each others and always will, but how do I show him that I can change? His only issue was me being too controlling but how do I show him I can change? He still loves me and even said he missed me, and that he would not be opposed to trying again in the future. Do you think we have a chance at getting back together, even in the future? I love him very dearly and do not want to lose him! I think him moving out is a great first step, but what do I do from then on? We are so close that if I do No Contact, it may seem odd and rude to him and I don't want to ruin any chances.

[Rob]

This may seem a little counter-intuitive and shocking, but the honest truth is that for most girls, the first thing you need to do is STOP whatever you're doing (or planning), slow your mind down, and assess the situation. Too many girls do and say desperate things after a break up that only serve to drive their boyfriend further away. It's obvious that you care deeply about your relationship; so don't do any further damage to your relationship.

You have already proven that you are a desirable woman who is more than capable of winning your boyfriends heart by being with him in the first place! Don't ever forget that.

What I'm about to tell you now should make perfect sense, because you, as a female, have a keen sense of human emotion that us men can only envy.

When dealing with matters of the heart, such as your relationship, logic and reason take a backseat to emotion and feeling! In other words, you should not be actually trying to "convince" your boyfriend of anything. He broke up with you for EMOTIONAL reasons. You need to change his MOOD... how he FEELS about you... not his mind!

Even if your boyfriend is giving you logical reasons for why he doesn't want to be with you, at the end of the day, we humans are still governed primarily by our emotions. We just often "make up" reasons to justify our emotions AFTER the fact. Which is why your boyfriend's behavior and words are probably so confusing to you right now!

So, what's the proper course of action to win back your boyfriend's heart, then? You must learn the secrets of what ACTUALLY attracts a man to a woman, and then use that powerful understanding of male psychology to your advantage.

The good news is that you've already applied some of these principles, or your boyfriend never would have been attracted to you to begin with. You just need to learn how to amplify your natural feminine appeal, and your boyfriend will be crazy about you all over again. Just like he was in the beginning.

[Anthonia]

Learning how do you get back your ex boyfriend has to start with accepting that things have changed between you two. As much as you'd love to be able to snap your fingers, or say sorry and have the relationship be what it once was, that just isn't going to happen. You'll stand a much better chance of securing a future with him if you acknowledge that he needs some time away from you. Tell him that you understand his desire to be apart and do your best to convince him that you're being genuine. This will show him that you're concerned about his needs and that you are mature enough to handle a shift in the relationship.

You must also shift your focus, after the break up, from him to yourself. Do not waste hour after hour crying over what once was. Any moment spent replaying conversations you two had or experiences in your mind will only result in more heartbreak. Take the time after the split to work on improving yourself. Be it getting back into shape, working on a project you've been putting off or simply taking a vacation with friends. You want to show him that you can live without him and even prosper without him. If you can do that he'll be amazed when he sees you again and it will stir up all those feelings of love he once deeply felt for you.

[SmallTalk]

Just give him the time and space he needs. Don't force him to anything and do your own thing.

[sunshineray]

Thank you all for the answer! It's been a few weeks, and he told me "we can try again later". He seemed pretty sure, but he also said there was a girl he might be interested in. I am very confused and don't really know what to do. He is moving out soon, so I guess I will try some very low amount of contact and see how it goes. I will give him time to miss me, but he is also not the type to initiate things, so should I ask him out later how just wait it out?

[Shenny]

I dont think you should try low amount of Contact but rather the NO Contact, i think in that way he is gonna miss you more.. I am currently using the No Contact method in my relationship.. Its hard, but i have hope that it might work, but im still in that process.

[sunshineray]

He has now told me he was going to ask out this girl. It's been a month since we've been broken up. Maybe there will be a chance of reconciliation but I don't think anytime soon. I guess I'll have to do no contact and just live my life and maybe we will find our way back together. I think there was such care and love in our relationship that he might come back to me after he dates other people and find out that what we had was truly special?