Girlfriend Doesnt Want A Relationship Right Now/Needs Time To Figure herself out

[az291]

Been together for 3years,(im 21 she's 19) we've had issues lately where things just werent the same and we fought a lot. But last month we both talked and promised to get our s*it together and sort it out. We did, everything was great; i was doing my best now so was she.
One random day; I come across screenshot of a cheesy quote she sent to a guy friend. I got pissed and reacted irrationally out of jealousy; I overreacted. She tried explaining but it sounded like excuses. She dint mean to send it that way; was just a 'general quote'. I believe that cz ik she'ld never cheat on me, but i just couldnt right there and then and overreacted.
we both dint talk for 2days, 3rd day i hit her up saying I was sorry and explaining.
She's like okay; but I don't want a relationship anymore. I tried convincing her, being rational, apologizing, did everything but she wouldnt budge. She's like I dont want a relationship at this point of my life right now; i dont want any more 'responsibilities'; i want to be able to do whatever I want when I want without having to worry about talking to you/meet you etc.(LOL?). On the other hand she Also says I love you but don't feel exactly like how I'm supposed to or like I did, I need time to figure it out. I can't ask you for a break where its unsure whether i'll be back so I'm breaking up instead. Is like im here for you in any other way that you need me but I cant be in a relationship right now; i refused that ofc.
I tried everything I could, literally everything. Plus i really needed her support at this point as I'm already dealing with depression from some other stuff; and she chose to abandon me at this time out of all....
Well I tried; she dint budge so I just bade her farewell; but made her promise that once she figures herself out; regardless of if I have moved on or not, she should come and tell me how she feels.
I'm honestly still hoping and waiting for her to come back. She didnt say we'ld never be together or she doesnt love me at all, she just said she doesnt know.
she changed her college and it's a new environment and ik its overwhelming for her; plus she just made soo many friends soo soon she feels she can rely on them and doesnt need me anymore.(has happened before, she dint leave then but became distant; it went away in a few weeks when she realized they're just 'friends'). Leaving like this is her FIRST time; that's partly why im convincing myself that I should wait; everyone deserves one chance atleast; I've had one from her 2 years ago too. I dont know how long I'm gonna wait, I have no idea about anything.
I find it hard not to message her, but I'm committed to the no-contact period of atleast a month or till the end of year because I know I need to make her miss me; if there's even a possibility of her coming back then it's only when she misses me.
Stuff I need help with:
-Some analysis on the situation; your experiences?.
-Is she going to come back? I'm counting on her to... I love her.
But despite that I'm still taking it so bad; anxiety,panic attacks. crying every now and then. how do i deal with it.. how to get my sh*t together and just wait; is waiting even a good idea?..
-Another issue i'm facing is that its her birthday in two weeks; what do I do that makes her miss me?-- I could send a standard bday wish text but I dont think it'll help. A gift? Something small; she called me her bear so a bear holding a rose along with a handwritten birthday wish? Or just a letter that contains a birthday wish. Also: should the wish be personal, telling her I love her or what. I really need to use this to make her miss me..


I would really appreciate some input, thanks everyone. I'm doing terrible right now..

[az291]

anyone? please..

[Olivia]

If your girlfriend needs space your natural instinct is going to be to convince her otherwise. This is when most men take to calling their girlfriends continuously asking her to reconsider or they send her gifts in an effort to get her to change her mind. These seem like great ideas but they're actually not. You risk causing more damage to your relationship if you try and convince her that she wants something she knows she doesn't. You stand a much better chance of winning your girlfriend back if you agree with her that a break is in order. This takes a bit of acting and some careful wording but essentially when she says she wants space, you tell her you've been thinking the same thing. Do this now whether she's told you last week or today she wants a break. Just agree to it. It will surprise her and it will change her attitude, almost immediately.

The next step in your plan to keep the relationship together is to stop talking to her. Again, this advice seems to go against everything you think you should be doing, but it works. By giving her the space she wants you're accomplishing a couple of important things. First, you're respecting her needs and wants. You'll gain big points with her for this. The other, and more important, reason you want to give her some time away from you is to show her what her life will really be like without you. The old saying that the grass isn't always greener is very true. Once she truly feels your absence in her life she'll become that much more enamored with you. The moment a woman feels her man is slipping away from her, she'll react and want him back. Let her feel that and before long it will be her who comes crawling back to you.

[Victoria]

Well this could mean a lot of things and it would depend on the situation if this is a good or bad thing. Normally, women would use the phrase "need space" to softly tell their partner that they need time away from them. Your girlfriend probably does not want to break it to you harshly that she is considering the idea of breaking up with you. When she says she needs her space she simply is saying that she wants the two of you to stop seeing each other for awhile.

Does this mean that the relationship is over? Well, not really. Sometimes women do want their space and you just have to wait until she is finally ready to come back and explain her reasons why she needed to do so. In other cases, a woman would say she needs space but is actually hiding something from you like her intentions of breaking up with you for someone else or her dislike of your companionship. To be able to find out what your girlfriend really means when she says she needs space, here is what you can do.

Ask her nicely and calmly why she says she needs space. "What does that mean?" you can ask. You should then listen to her carefully and check if there are signs that she is hiding something from you or if she really just needs to be alone for awhile.

Remember not to panic or worry to much while she is explaining her reasons to you. This will only drive her farther away and you do not want to ruin your chances of making the relationship better. Respect what she has to say and let her know that you will be there when she is ready to come back to you.

Once she is away, take this time to reflect on her reasons and how you can be a better person for her. You can also start doing other things such as your hobbies, interests and focusing more on your work. It will show her that she can be secure with you since you are confident and trustworthy even without her by your side.

Lastly, remain faithful to her. Unless she asked for space to be with someone else, do not do anything irrational like flirt with other girls or hang out with the boys every single night.

She says she needs space. What does that mean? Though it may be difficult at first to understand, it is better to just talk to her about it. Respect her decision and be confident and faithful with your relationship with her.

[Clinton]

-Another issue i'm facing is that its her birthday in two weeks; what do I do that makes her miss me?-- I could send a standard bday wish text but I dont think it'll help. A gift? Something small; she called me her bear so a bear holding a rose along with a handwritten birthday wish? Or just a letter that contains a birthday wish. Also: should the wish be personal, telling her I love her or what. I really need to use this to make her miss me..

You probably have a pretty good idea of how your ex feels about you. If, when you're honest with yourself, you have to admit your ex hates you, then the answer is no, you should not wish your ex a happy birthday. In fact, you shouldn't communicate with your ex at all, until you have reason to think those hateful feelings have changed. Saying happy birthday to an ex who hates you and doesn't want to hear from you is not a way to accomplish getting back together, if that's what you're after.


But otherwise, yes -- go ahead and wish your ex happy birthday. Just, don't do it in a manner that is too aggressive. For example, don't show up out of the blue at your ex's home, just to say happy birthday. Don't use an ex girlfriend's birthday or ex boyfriend's birthday as an opportunity to stalk.

If you are thinking about your ex's birthday in advance, it would be really nice to send a card. Sending a card communicates some positive things about you. It says, "I've got my act together, and I planned ahead." And it says, "I'm not desperate to talk to you." It makes you look like you're in control.

If today is your ex's birthday (or there isn't time to send a paper card), and you are likely to see your ex in person when you're just following your normal schedule, then say happy birthday when you get the chance. Otherwise you can send a text, or email an e-card, or call.

Calling is tricky, though, because you only want to call once. If your ex answers, good, but if not, you need to leave a message. Even if you know your ex doesn't check messages, leave a message anyway because this is the only call you get to make. If you hang up without leaving a message, you can't call back because you don't want your ex to think you called multiple times.

Only you can decide if calling is worth getting an opportunity to have an actual conversation with your ex. If you haven't talked to your ex in a long time, then calling is probably worth the possibility of your ex not answering the phone, but knowing that you called.

Calling more than once makes you look desperate. So leave a message, and hope you get a response. If you don't get a response, I think you should send a "belated" card, rather than calling again.