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Got off a 3 yr relationship. I want her back but im in a weird situation.

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  • Got off a 3 yr relationship. I want her back but im in a weird situation.

    RomanceDictionary.com
    My ex was a fangirl and read erotica long before she met me in uni. We're both 21 now. Her fangirling died down after we started to date each other. It got sexual (we were each others' first) fast and we enjoyed it. We had exes but nothing serious until this - she even accidentally mentioned that she wanted to marry after graduating. After more time, it got more serious and had a lot of great times but we were both jealous and a bit controlling. It became a bit toxic. After 2 yrs however, she became less jealous and all, and her sex drive died down as well. I noticed and lessed my jealousy but sex became an issue.

    It was then when I saw her conversation with a girl friend that she's back to fangirling (to a diff celebrity) and had what seemed like sexual comments. I broke up but right after I asked her back after she said it wasn't sexual. A month later she breaks up as she claims she got tired of fighting and got bored of the relationship but she asks to get back together after a week, as she says her feelings will come back, so we did. I then broke up for the 3rd time (amicable) as I couldnt handle it. She told me to date others and get the sex I deserve and would be fine with it if ever we got back together. She also said the next person she'll date is who she'll marry. A week later i find out she has been maintaining a twitter for months for fangirling and had sexual comments. I confronted her and she owned up to lying to me about her fangirling. I told her I didn't want anything to do with her anymore. A little later we did agree to become friends in the future though.

    But after researching, I realized it's normal for people to fantisize and that I was being immature (didn't tell her that). I want her back now but she's happy with just being a fangirl. No other guy in the picture as she doesnt even reply to people other than her girl friends and me (we used to share passwords). We have the same classes and group of friends. I initiated No Contact right after confrontation but replied to some of her messages (about school). When we're together she laughs at my jokes, but she has said to her friend that there is nothing left between us and that she'd only start dating once her idol has gotten married.

    She previously told me she wants to be together in the future but after I found out, she no longer does because it's "embarassing". Do i completely ignore her or still reply? Do i avoid her in person? What do I do as I want her back?
    Last edited by david888; 11-12-2017, 03:11 PM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by david888 View Post
    Do i completely ignore her or still reply?
    Since you were the one that initiated the breakup and you want her back now, it will be best to establish contact with her now that you want her back. I am convinced she still loves you and so she will take you back.

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    • #3
      You wish with everything you could take back those words so you two would be back together again. Sadly, life doesn't have a rewind button for instances like this when you mess up catastrophically. There is a way for you to soften the memory of that day enough that she'll forgive you and consider getting back with you.

      As uncomplicated as it sounds, an apology has to be your first step if you want to get her to want you back. This shouldn't be a major production number. There's no need for any gifts and don't stop off at the local florist's shop on your way to see your ex girlfriend. It's easy to forget the depth of the power of saying "I'm sorry" to someone you've hurt. She really needs to hear those words from you and if you're intent on being with her again, you have to say them with meaning. Making amends and moving forward begins with telling her you regret what happened.

      She's going to remain a little cold and distant for awhile. Just because you apologized, don't expect her to run back to you with open arms. That's not going to happen. You have to continue to prove to her that you truly do care for her and that you regret your decision to hurt her.

      Your focus at the moment is on being her boyfriend again. It's your ultimate goal but right now you have to start viewing this as a small steps kind of journey. Over time you'll get closer to her by taking little, yet important steps, that will show her she can trust you with her heart.

      A good example of this is to call her every couple of weeks. Don't launch into an emotional speech about all your past regrets. That's what your apology was for. Instead, ask about her life. Find out what's going on with her and be engaged in the conversation. Your interest will show her that you genuinely care for her whether or not you two are together. One exception when you do call her is to not ask about her dating status. For right now that's none of your business.

      Meeting her for coffee is another great way to keep the lines of communication open while you re-establish yourself as someone positive and necessary in her life. Always be friendly and focus all your attention on her. You don't want to be responding to text messages or phone calls when you're with her. This suggests that you don't value her as much as whoever is on the phone.

      By remaining someone she can turn to for emotional support in her life, you're guaranteeing that she'll begin to see you the way she used to. Patience is your best friend if you want to get your girl back so draw on all that you have.

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      • #4
        Thanks all for the response! Much appreciated!

        Originally posted by Nate View Post

        Since you were the one that initiated the breakup and you want her back now, it will be best to establish contact with her now that you want her back. I am convinced she still loves you and so she will take you back.
        I did initiate the break-up, but it was her who lost feelings for me - I just couldn't handle it so I did. Should it really be me?

        Comment


        • #5
          RomanceDictionary.com
          Thanks so much for the response!
          Originally posted by Kate View Post
          As uncomplicated as it sounds, an apology has to be your first step if you want to get her to want you back.
          Originally posted by Kate View Post
          She's going to remain a little cold and distant for awhile. Just because you apologized, don't expect her to run back to you with open arms. That's not going to happen. You have to continue to prove to her that you truly do care for her and that you regret your decision to hurt her.
          It would be fine but she thinks it was her who has hurt me for lying and hiding her fangirling, not the other way around. Should I still apologize? If so, should it best be done personally or through text?

          Originally posted by Kate View Post
          By remaining someone she can turn to for emotional support in her life, you're guaranteeing that she'll begin to see you the way she used to. Patience is your best friend if you want to get your girl back so draw on all that you have.
          Won't I risk being put in the friendzone for doing that?

          Comment

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