Help with ex girlfriend now seeing someone else

[trigger7790]

Hi,

I hope you can advise.

I was seeing a girl recently for 3 months. Everything was great, very paitionate and we clicked straight away, she is 37, I am 38. I was also going through issues with my Ex at the same time in that she was quite controlling over our children but we had been broken up since last year (her choice) and was causing me problems. The girl i was seeing was moving very fast telling me she loved me and wanted a full commitment from me, moving in etc. I asked her several times to slow down and be patient whilst i worked on my other issues but she stated this what she wanted.

Now she got it into her head that I wanted to end it but keep things as sex buddies, i didnt want that but she claimed thats what I did so we carried on as normal (in my head) and in hers she was waiting for someone to meet her needs..

2 weeks ago I found out she had met someone new, (a friend from where she used to live) he is 27 so ten years her junior, no kids and lives with his parents. I also found out in quite a bad way in that i turned up to suprise her and he was there. At that point we were over, or so i thought. He lives quite far away (about 1hr 45 min) so she only sees him at the weekends where as im up the road. We have been talking quite a bit and are still very friendly, she always replies to me when i text her and can go on for some time. We have also slept together 3 times but she has now said she just wants to be friends with me so she can live the life that this new guy is offering her which is marriage, kids etc, apparantly he is also looking for rings?? She has told me that he cries when he leaves and she has to tell him what to do but she is very much torn between the 2 of us. Apparantly he is also relocating to move in with her, bearing in mind this only started 2 weeks ago.

I have sorted all my issues out with my ex wife and she can see that but she is worried im going to hurt her again because i wasnt focused on her and made her feel unattractive which i can see to a certain point, she has also lost trust in me.

I have done all the mistakes of trying to convince her but she has made it clear she cant trust me but wants to remain friends which I have also stated I do not want because when we see each other we are all over each other so its not fair to ask that of me.

Ive told her i think she needs space from me to sort her head out but in the mean time he is there every weekend and as she keeps telling me, quite obsessed with her and always compliments her.

Ive realised my mistakes and she can see that but I feel i have reached the end of everything i can do. She keeps saying if only you had been like this 1 month ago everything would of been different.

Would no contact help with this? she is used to seeing me in the week which he cant do because of the distance and work but I wont be going round now because its not fair on me when i want more. She has also not contacted me at all since I left thursday but he will be there now. I should also point out she never initates texts etc, its always me and i have fallen foul of telling her im not going to text her anymore then still end up doing so.

Any advice would be appreciated. I do love this girl and it only really hit me a week before i found out about all this. She even told me she loves me and cares for me but doesnt want to hurt this other guy because she does like him very much.

thanks

[David]

It hurts when someone you still care about gets a new love in their life. You are happy if they are happy, but it does not take away the pain of seeing them with someone else. If you are still in love with your ex-girlfriend you should tell her this right away so that she knows how you still feel about her. There is always the chance that she still has feelings for you and may want to get back together. After telling her how you feel, at least she knows what your feelings are toward her. And than she can make up her own mind on how she wants to handle the situation. If your ex-girlfriend is already in love with someone else you may have to accept the situation and there may not be a lot you can do to change her mind.

If your ex-girlfriend is already in love with someone else you could try certain tactics to win her back like sending her flowers, buying her candy, writing her love letters and other things that may touch her heart. If she has any love left for you at all she will be touched by your thoughtfulness. If you think that you should just wait it out and see how things go with her and her new love than that is a another option. But if you do this she may never realize that you still care for her and may end up getting closer to the other person. So it is something you must think about and how you should handle the situation. If you really think you are the one for her and that you can work it out the second time around than you should let her know. If you believe that the other person is good for your ex-girlfriend and you want her to by happy than you may choose to see her relationship play out with the other person and see how far that it goes. You can still be friends with your ex-girlfriend even if she is involved with another person if it does not interfere with their relationship. So which ever way that it goes you may still be able to keep in contact with her and what goes on in her life.

If your ex-girlfriend is already in love with someone else shortly after your relationship has ended, than maybe it is time to be happy for her and get on with your life. If you have tried everything that you can think of to make your relationship work and it did not work out, than maybe is was not meant to be. Some people can not get along together no matter how hard they try, so sometimes it is best to leave the relationship early rather than to be miserable together for a long period of time.

[Dennis]

If you want any chance of making your girlfriend come back to you, allow me to give you a little bit of advice.

Many people make the mistake of trusting what their girlfriends tell them for why they no longer want to be a pair, which is a huge error. It's not that your girlfriend is intentionally lying to you, but she is trying to spare your feelings. The cutting reality is that the reason your girlfriend is no longer with you is that somewhere down the line, she lost attraction for you. It is a certain fact that a girl is not able to stay away from a man that she is both in love with and attracted to.

I don't want you to lose hope when you hear this news, though. I'm not saying that it's too late to get your girlfriend back, because it's not by any stretch of the imagination. I've seen it happen before. What you need is a unique insight into female psychology. When you understand what makes women tick, you can use that knowledge to your advantage. Some of you may be wary of this "manipulative" approach, but let me explain something to you.

If you have good intentions for your girlfriend, and only want her back to make her happy, then why should you feel bad about using a few manipulative tricks to win her back? You shouldn't. You obviously care about your girlfriend to be researching ways to get her back in the first place. Chances are, you care about her more than and will treat her better than the new guy that she is dating.

Don't be a sucker and think that simply by being a nice guy you can attract your girlfriend to you again. Try that strategy, and she'll wind up closer and closer to this new guy she's with. In order to get real results, you are going to have to make her want you all over again.

Don't get discouraged at these words either. Recall that it was you who attracted your girlfriend in the first place, before this new guy was even on the map. And you can do it again!

Remember, if you learn to truly understand what makes your girlfriend tick and use that knowledge to your advantage, you'll have an advantage over every other guy who tries to come into her life, including this new guy that she's currently with. And then getting her back will become a trivial matter, because she'll come back on her own.

[trigger7790]

Hi,

thanks for the responses. I realise that yes I am truly in love with her. I think my question is really how i best approach this. I have tried talking to her, she knows my true feelings for her. However the fact she has said she still wants me in her life as a friend im not comfortable with because im then just second best.

I guess what im asking is should i go no contact? i have tried everything else but it hasnt worked and i have been the one chasing her everytime. I guess no contact will answer my questions about how much she really cares for me and if she doesn't contact me if shows how she really feels.

I know womens feelings can change over night but if im there all the time im not allowing her to miss me.

thanks