Handled the situation terribly, could use some advice on how to proceed

[moonlightsmiles]

Thanks for reading. Alex and I dated for a very brief amount of time last year, but it was an intense connection and we really clicked. Unfortunately, Alex started getting flakey, he would cancel on me, he didn't want to take me to his apartment, we would see each other maybe once a week if I were lucky. When I would complain, he would call me pathologically insecure and insist I see a therapist but then would call me the love of his life, talk about our future kids and our retirement plans. I was frustrated, not insecure, his behaviour was driving me insane, especially his comments about me being demanding and jealous. As I said, I would see him maybe once a week, I never bothered him with texts, I didn't insist on him showing me his place. How was I controlling?
So why did I stay? Because of his words, his brains, I admired him as a person, not so much as a partner. So it ended terribly with me sending him a few insulting texts after he yet again cancelled our appointment last minute. I lost it, accused him of lying to me. He called me crazy and said he wanted to break up. But I stupidly ask him to stay. He didn't. He proceeded to write mean passive aggressive things about me on his social networks for the next few months. I just didn't get it.
As luck would have it, we ran into each other at our friends' parents' wedding anniversary. He was semi flirty with me, which I found very strange since it seemed back then I was the world's most terrible person. He spent the whole evening with me, talking to me, dancing with me. Then we started texting, I'll grant you I was the first one to do it, but then I stopped, and then he continued. We went for a walk, talked out some of our issues, he apologised for being immature and unreasonable, he was quite tactile and nice, I thought maybe just maybe - he got it. And the feelings started to come back.
We continued to text each other and at one point he invited me for a walk. I said yes, but he made no specific dates and told me he'd let me know when he has the time. This seemed a lot like last year when he would offer me something and then never come through with it, and although on a certain level I knew we now weren't together, clearly it was difficult to snap out of going back in time. So when our mutual friends invited me to hang out with them and him (he didn't know I was going to be invited), I got super frustrated and texted him why he had time to spend an entire afternoon at an event and didn't have time to go through with the walk he had asked me on. He was confused, and I get it, clearly we aren't a couple now and I have no right to ask him to make me his priority. However, even when we were together, this comment would have caused the same amount of disagreement, he would come up with a different explanation, that I am suffocating him and being too demanding. I know I overreacted and I apologised the second I understood that, but he continued to say I was the same insecure girl I was a year ago. I told him I didn't get his comment since a few weeks earlier he apologised for his behaviour in our relationship and told me he knew why I reacted the way I did while we were together. He then told me he just wanted to be friends with me and didn't even think about us getting back together until he grows his business. I was again confused. I told him I didn't want to wait for anyone anymore to which again he said he never wanted to be with me, he has no feelings for me, is not attracted to me and he doesn't even want a friendship with me anymore.
I know I overreacted, I feel so stupid about allowing him to humiliate me again, showing him that I cared. I am just trying to make sense of the situation so if anyone has any ideas, please let me know. Thank you.

[Olivia]

Many women before you have done the very same thing as have many women who will follow you. Emotions can make us do things we know aren't smart, but our hearts take the lead and before we know it, we've embarrassed ourselves and we deeply regret it.

Own Your Behavior and Accept the Emotional Consequences

As much as you'd love to undo the act that led to your humiliation, you can't. No amount of wishing, hoping or scheming is going to allow you to take back what you did. You've done it and now the best move you can possibly make is to own it. You have to accept that it's happened and that it may have temporarily changed how your ex boyfriend views you. Keep in mind that emotions can be very fluid and even though your ex may see you as someone he doesn't want to be around now, that can change in an instant if you take the right approach from today forward.

You must view this entire experience as one of a lesson learned. You realize how you feel now and that's important. It's the reminder of that feeling that will keep you from making the same mistake with your ex boyfriend in the future. He's not perfect either so don't allow your shame over humiliating yourself cloud that fact.

You can't take back what happened so it's best to let it go and look forward. Dwelling on what you did will only shine a spotlight on that and will make it impossible for you to interact with your ex boyfriend in any positive way. Realize that you've made a crucial mistake, let it go and look to the future.

Rise Above What You've Done and Show Him You've Changed

Obviously there's a benefit to apologizing to your ex boyfriend for your unsatisfactory behavior. It shows that you're mature enough to recognize your shortcomings. It also shines a very unwelcomed spotlight on an incident that you'd just as soon forget.

You need to weigh the benefit of offering amends versus trying to put the episode behind you. If you haven't spoken to your ex boyfriend about what has happened, consider not bringing it up in the future. He may be just as desirous as you are regarding leaving it all in the past.

If he has continually pointed out what you did to humiliate yourself, an apology is going to be necessary. Do it in a very direct and genuine way. Tell him that you wish what happened, hadn't, but you recognize your misstep and you've learned from it. This should be enough to show him that you don't want to drag this into your future and it's time to put it to rest.

Understand That a Person's View of Us Can Change in an Instant

You may be worried that your ex boyfriend will never see you the same after you humiliated yourself. The fact is that he's very likely to forget it if you invade his thoughts with much more positive interactions. By being mature and showing him that you refuse to be defined by what you did to embarrass yourself, he'll find himself wanting to focus on the improved you and not on the you that was humiliated in his presence.

If you focus on moving forward and leaving the past where it belongs, he will be forced to follow suit. He'll soon forget that uncomfortable interaction and he'll begin to see you as a strong woman who can get over even the most trying of circumstances.

You just need to believe in yourself and believe in the idea that humiliating yourself isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of a life lesson that you will carry with you in any future relationship you will have with your ex as well as the rest of your life.

[Bradwin]

Take these pointers in the beginning, to help you face the break up head on and pave the way for a revived relationship:

1. Be positive! Agree with the breakup and let your ex have his space for a little while. Give him time to miss you! Don't cling or fight or cause drama; this will only affirm his decision to break up in the first place. As hard as it is, accepting the breakup is the first step in how to save your relationship.

2. Calm down. If he has found a rebound relationship, this will end up in your favor. Rebounds almost never last, and it shows that he's reacting strongly to the breakup- which is a good sign that he loves you!

3. Once there has been a little time, you can slowly open the lines of communications again. This does NOT mean calling over and over, or trying to stalk him in order to run into him. Let these interactions happen naturally- it takes some time! Be sweet and argue-free if you see him. Do not give him any more reasons to confirm the break up.

4. Flirt and have fun. Don't dwell on how to save your relationship each and every moment. Once you learn to enjoy yourself, he will show more interest.