Little lost, massively confused

[seftobbias90]

Hey,

October of last year, i got set up with a date at work. Obviously, from posting here it hit rock bottom. Things were going fine when we first met, she added me on social media, started visiting me at work every weekend and was the first to make a move onto me and too want sex. This continued for around a month, went for drinks, chatted and eventually she initiated to come around to my place to watch movies and again, to have sex a second time. Things seemed too be smooth sailing, we started to see each other more than 3 times a week at some stages, i never pushed for a relationship because i felt she wasn't ready, but i did often ponder where this was going. She started to open up to me more and more, told me about her ex cheating on her multiple of times and how she has her wall up. My worry that this girl has been hurt badly in the past and is on the defensive.

So, to the bad times. Around 2 months into the relationship people at work decided to spread vicious rumours about her; now i'm a very protective guy and i guess looking back on it now i was stupid to inform her off this. I made sure too her i had her back 100%, but i felt like she needed to know. I wanted her to let me deal with work (bad move). This ultimately led to the first argument between us and she told me not to rise to it. Eventually, she came around, i got flowers delivered to her workplace and after talking, everything was back too normal. Just before Christmas, (as if people at work didn't almost ruin it for me), a rumour gets spread around work aimed at breaking us apart! too this point i walked out of the job and took two weeks off. All the mean while it took its toll on both of us and i stupidly forgot about her whilst trying to protect her.

Upon returning to work i sat down with the two culprits and said how they shouldn't be intervening with my outside life because its destroying a chance with the girl i'm actually starting to like. After this, one the guys responsible decides to message her without my consent apologising. At first she took the apology well but a week later, the guy saw me out and i was clearly still upset, me and this girl were still not 100% back together. From here she asks for space, Christmas was a very busy period for her workplace and she didn't have the time to be dealing with everything - hearing that hurt, a lot.

I tried too reach out to her explaining that they only felt bad and were trying to correct things, ended up with me being blocked (stupid mistake i know). Christmas eve then hits and i invite a few people to my place for drinks, A friend of mine, half way through the night, tells me he messaged the girl, telling her that both of us should sort it out.... again without my consent, i was livid!. So i screwed things up even more by asking her to unblock me so she could know, that yet again, what my friend did was completely out of my control - to no avail i'm blocked again with a messaging saying "i opened up to you about my past and you threw it back in my face, everyone is getting involved and that she actually thought we could be something".

I decided too make the painful choice, too just give her the space and if she came back i'd go from there, if she didn't so be it - she has free will after all.

Whilst giving her space i noticed a fake account on Instagram stalking my stories (when i say fake, no pictures, no followers, nothing! just a name), this person was viewing every story i posted for the whole week! which was a lot of stories; i didn't want to be paranoid so i didn't take notice. 4 too 5 days of giving her space, she starts to re-pin my posts on Pinterest, and even copying idea i create and post.. again i didn't react; how could i? i'm still blocked... New years eve hits, around 10 pm and she decides to unblock me and message with the following -

"Hiya, i just wanted to send this message before new year is done with. Things haven't been great between us since we met but i don't want to go into new year with all the shit from this year. I am grateful to have met you even if i didn't end how i thought it would. You're a good guy and i'm sorry it worked out this way, you'll find happiness one day when the time is right, i know it. Happy new year, hope you have a good one".

I messaged back and apologised. A day later i realised i'm still unblock on Instagram but blocked on everything else. She's been viewing my stories on Instagram since new years and that fake account was no longer. I bit the bullet and asked, from the message she sent from new years can we be friends but she said not just yet, there needs to be boundaries and now is not the time. Finally, yesterday, shes still viewing my stories even though were not following each other - which means she has to look me up to be able to see them. I bit the bullet and asked if we cant be friends, why she feels the need to remind me that shes still there viewing my stories - i then make my profile private, 5 mins later... so does she. She then messages me saying its obvious one of us needs to be block, i couldn't... honestly did not want too, so she did and here i am.

Really sorry for making this so long, i cant understand where i stand. Typing helped, but i really started to fall for this girl after 4 months of dating and now it just seems ruined. Advice would be most appreciated, what to do next, as will helping me come to terms with this.

Thanks

[Brett]

The first thing you need to realise on your journey to win back your girl, is that women look at relationships very, very, differently to the way men do. Here's just what women look for in a relationship:

1. Women need to feel appreciated and like to know that you appreciate everything they do right down to the smallest gesture. They seek attention and praise for the person that they are giving their love to.

2. A woman has to feel needed and wanted.

Its not rocket science, but the problem is it's so simple that most men overlook these basic truths.

Now you know these secrets, it may not be so difficult to see why your relationship got into difficulty. Although the superficial reasons for breaking up may be something like arguing all the time or even cheating with someone else, the real reason will always be seated in the truths above.

Again, women need attention, they need to feel appreciated, the have to feel needed and wanted.

Look back at your past relationship with her. Were you attentive enough? Did you always tell her how much you appreciated every little thing she did for you? Or did you slip into the relationship comfort zone and assume she would know?

Sorry fella! If you don't always remember these facts about the mindset of women, you can never expect to get the girl back! Its as simple as that!

Relationships are a thorny path at the best of times, but understanding your girl is the base of getting her back and keeping her yours.

So what do you do next?

Well my advice, now that you understand what has gone wrong, is to try and put your relationship back together armed with your new found secrets! But don't go off half cocked! A box of chocolates and a thankyou note are just not going to cut it, especially if your breakup was messy.

[Alexa]

Winning her affection is not impossible. This will show you how to win a girl's heart even though she detests the very sight of you:

Be truly humble

One of these irritating behaviors is being conceited and boastful. A guy does not need to show off everything he has achieved nor blatantly display how awesome he is. Being self-absorbed will only cause her to stay far away from you.

Let her know that you are sorry

For girls it is not enough to hear an apology. What most girls want is the action corresponding with that apology. Remember that you have to do some serious talk if you want to gain her trust, forgiveness and heart again.

Continue to pursue her

Do not get tired of pursuing her. Most girls will feel that they deserve it after you have done them wrong. Treat her like a queen and make her feel that you are willing to do whatever it takes.

Constantly communicate with her

Do not cut off communications with her. If you cut it off, she will think that you do not care for her at all. Remember that as men use their eyes, women use their ears. But at the same time this does not mean to try extremely hard when she is not interested in talking to you. You have to know when and how to approach her.

Surprise her with something she likes

It could be food, an event or something-just surprise her. Girls love surprises and knowing that they are thought of. It could be just a simple surprise just make sure that it is something that she would like.

Remain single

As tempting as it may seem, avoid being seen with other girls or else you will totally lose the chance of winning her back again. Girls are innately jealous. They want to be assured that they are the only option you have. If they feel that, they will return that favor to you.

Show her you love her

How could you hate someone who has constantly loved you? Show her your love and tell her that you love her. Expressing such feelings will surely melt her heart.

[seftobbias90]

Hey, thanks for the response!

I appreciate the advice on what to do next, but i'm remained blocked, over a week now. I know shes going away for a weekend trip with one of her best friends soon, so maybe that's the official time out. One of the last things she said to me was she wished i fought a little harder for her, but also said now isn't the time for us to be talking again, i guess i really hurt this girl.

To be honest we never got to the actual relationship stage, it was certainly heading that way! I guess messaging trying to explain and say sorry didn't really cut it, and to be fair so it shouldn't!

And what about me?!... i cant actually stop thinking about her, I've sadly come to terms of how much feelings i had for this girl. I just wish i could try and correct things but i have no idea around this one. I feel like she has the complete power over how this pans out.. maybe time will tell? i don't want to risk flowers sent to her, not when i'm blocked, but at the same time i don't want her to think i'm over it and generally throwing it all aside. On regards to Pinterest, shes still paying attention to what i'm doing on there... games ...

Its a tough one, i don't want to be made out a creep, or not respect her space but at the same time i don't want her to think i'm just her average guy who threw her aside and moved on.

Thoughts?

Thanks