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Hey guys! My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Emotionally, I'm doing much better than I was immediately following the breakup. I'm disappointed but I wouldn't say I'm sad or depressed.
Before we started dating, my ex and I were really good friends for about six months. We had a ton of fun kayaking, playing air hockey, watching movies, just generally being together made us happy. That's why we thought a relationship would turn out great! I held out on asking her to be my girlfriend for such a long time for two reasons; number one because I wanted to have a solid friendship to base our romantic relationship on but more largely because I was facing an extremely rare surgery. My voice has been nasally for a few years and it really eats away at my self confidence. I thought I could be a much better boyfriend for her if I had more self confidence and on top of that there was a 47% chance I wouldn't survive the surgery, so I didn't want to ask her to enter a relationship with me then die on her. Problem was the surgery was at least another six months out at the time and I was worried that some other guy would come and snatch her up if I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend before then. So, I took her to a big music festival one weekend and asked her to be my girlfriend... and things started changing.
I totally didn't have the confidence to be a good boyfriend. I looked at myself as lesser to her and I tried to fill that gap by being what I now view as OVERLY try hard. Looking back, I called her "babe" in just about every other sentence. I constantly wrote her big long love texts. There's nothing wrong with being loving or caring in doses, but I was giving way to much all the time.
Surprisingly, our relationship lasted almost 10 months like this. There were a number of bright spots, but there were a lot of times where my level of affection just made things awkward, especially when we were at parties or small gatherings.
Now, my girlfriend and I have been broken up for just over a month. We've talked over text a handful of times since the breakup, and our conversations have been great! We seem to freeze up a bit when we see each other in person, but there's no tension between us. Just today, we were assigned to sit next to each other in a class, so maybe that will open the door to in person conversation again.
At the end of this month, I have another surgery to improve my voice (the first one didn't do enough), and part of me hopes that if I can build up some self confidence after the vocal fix that I could date her again, and be a 100% better boyfriend for her. I really care about this girl; she's not just stunningly beautiful, she's funny, smart, and level headed. I feel so awful for pulling her through such an awkward relationship.
What do you guys think I should do? Do I have a shot at getting her back? How much of this should I explain to her? What's your advice?
Before we started dating, my ex and I were really good friends for about six months. We had a ton of fun kayaking, playing air hockey, watching movies, just generally being together made us happy. That's why we thought a relationship would turn out great! I held out on asking her to be my girlfriend for such a long time for two reasons; number one because I wanted to have a solid friendship to base our romantic relationship on but more largely because I was facing an extremely rare surgery. My voice has been nasally for a few years and it really eats away at my self confidence. I thought I could be a much better boyfriend for her if I had more self confidence and on top of that there was a 47% chance I wouldn't survive the surgery, so I didn't want to ask her to enter a relationship with me then die on her. Problem was the surgery was at least another six months out at the time and I was worried that some other guy would come and snatch her up if I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend before then. So, I took her to a big music festival one weekend and asked her to be my girlfriend... and things started changing.
I totally didn't have the confidence to be a good boyfriend. I looked at myself as lesser to her and I tried to fill that gap by being what I now view as OVERLY try hard. Looking back, I called her "babe" in just about every other sentence. I constantly wrote her big long love texts. There's nothing wrong with being loving or caring in doses, but I was giving way to much all the time.
Surprisingly, our relationship lasted almost 10 months like this. There were a number of bright spots, but there were a lot of times where my level of affection just made things awkward, especially when we were at parties or small gatherings.
Now, my girlfriend and I have been broken up for just over a month. We've talked over text a handful of times since the breakup, and our conversations have been great! We seem to freeze up a bit when we see each other in person, but there's no tension between us. Just today, we were assigned to sit next to each other in a class, so maybe that will open the door to in person conversation again.
At the end of this month, I have another surgery to improve my voice (the first one didn't do enough), and part of me hopes that if I can build up some self confidence after the vocal fix that I could date her again, and be a 100% better boyfriend for her. I really care about this girl; she's not just stunningly beautiful, she's funny, smart, and level headed. I feel so awful for pulling her through such an awkward relationship.
What do you guys think I should do? Do I have a shot at getting her back? How much of this should I explain to her? What's your advice?
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