I don't want to lose him forever

[nab12796]

A few days ago, my boyfriend broke up with me after more than a year of being together in our relationship. We have been doing so well in the relationship up until I had to go back to my country during the summer break. During which things were going smoothly, until we both got busy with work and classes. Our daily schedules didn't match up for a whole month and that had disrupted our usual communication pattern, with the daily texts, frequently calls and video chats. He never once mentioned that things weren't going on track or did he mention he wasn't interested in me at the time. Even the day before I came back, we were talking as we usually would which made me think that things were going alright for the both of us. On Valentine's day, he broke up with me and things just didn't go too well for me. I've been reading about getting your ex back on various different sites but of course, they cost money to actually be able to talk to someone professional about this. I just want someone's advice on this and what do you think I should do to get him back? I made the mistake of trying to get him to meet up with me and talk to me about all of this the day after we broke up. I kept begging him and pleading to not let things end. I know that is a BIG NO NO based on what I've read through all those sites. It is really hard to go through all of this when I have been waiting patiently all this time to come back here and spend time with him, to make up for the lost time we had while I left the country. In my head, I keep thinking of waiting to see him and spend time with him because while I was back home, when it came to him, that was what was going through my head all along. Please help me get him back.

[Clay]

I'm glad you realized you made a mistake by begging and pleading, and that's the first step to win him back.

Understanding how to get him back now includes respecting his need for space. It's no secret that we hate space as it relates to our man and our relationship. We crave hearing his voice and we ache to talk to him about what went wrong. Almost all women feel the same way. Unfortunately, men don't. He needs some time and he definitely needs some emotional distance from you. You'll actually have a better chance of getting him to want you back if you give him a couple of weeks of uninterrupted time. Let him stew in his own emotions, including missing you. It's more beneficial to the future of your relationship than you realize.

Entertain the idea of meeting someone new. This probably sounds foreign to you given the fact that you're pining away for your ex boyfriend. It's all about getting yourself into a more powerful place emotionally. Relationships take time and effort to develop. Going out and meeting someone to hang out with isn't about that. It's about occupying your time and your energy. It's more than acceptable for a woman to make new friends and right now it would be very beneficial if some of your new acquaintances were men. Not only will it help you to feel vital and desirable again but it will ensure your ex boyfriend sees that you're not afraid of moving on without him.

Being a puddle of uncontrollable emotions is not going to help you to get him back. You have to present yourself as a woman who is self sufficient, balanced and happy. Being depressed or wallowing in sorrow over a lost relationship will never draw that person back to you. In fact, it will push him further away. If you want to magnetically attract him again, show him what he's missing by being cheerful, vibrant and energetic. By living your life and embracing every experience you'll pull him closer to you because he'll want to be a part of that again.

[nab12796]

That actually makes sense so thank you for that!

[nab12796]

If I could add to all of this, should I apologize for those constant messages and calls before? Should I apologize and wish him luck before continuing with the No Contact rule? Also, what would happen after the no contact rule? How do I go about everything?

[Jerome]

Hi,

You don't have to apologize for the constant calls and messages. You should simply cut all forms of contact with him, this will send a signal to him.

So what happens after the no contact rule? I'm going to give you three of the main scenarios of what happens after the no contact rule.

1. Your ex contacts you.

2. You contact your ex.

3. You decide that you really don't want your ex back and he or she was just really no good for you at all.

All three of these scenarios all really boils down to what you want after no contact. Actually, it all boils down to whether you think your ex is worth getting back or not.

Now, if you're ex contacts you during the no contact rule this can be a good thing. It definitely puts you in a better position than if you have to break no contact and reconnect with them yourself. This is especially true if you were the one who was broken up with.

One and three can go hand in hand. You could've decided during no contact that your ex just wasn't worth getting back whatsoever. When the dust settles from the emotional pain of a breakup, quite a few people do realize that they don't want their ex back after all, and there's nothing wrong with that.

However, it can be a lucky break for you if you really do desire them back and your ex contacts you first. Why is that? Because the ball is really in your court now.

Note: I said a lucky break here. Just because they contact you may not mean they want to jump back into a relationship with you again. They may have really missed you and aren't ready to completely have you out of their lives yet. In other words, you still have to re-attract your ex again. Yes, you can mess it up. Unfortunately, a lot of people do.

However, if you decide that your ex is truly worth getting back, and you've followed all the steps during the no contact rule period, option 2 of contacting your ex is necessary if they haven't contacted you. Remember, you end no contact when you're completely ready and have rid of those nasty breakup emotions.

How do you do this? How do you break no contact after the no contact rule? Should you email your ex? Should you call? Should you write a letter? I have one word for you and that's "text." Not just any old text will do. It has to intrigue them enough to respond!

[Gloria]

You know what stings the most about a breakup?

It’s that you’re the one who is “all in” and willing to fight for a great relationship…

…But your ex seems to have given up so easily.

It hardly even seems like they are willing to even TRY to work things out, doesn’t it?

Why Is Your Ex Willing to Give Up So Easily?

Well, first of all, it may be that your ex had to think long and hard before reaching the conclusion that they were going to leave.

And once your ex makes a decision, it’s hard to get them to change their mind.

It’s due to a little thing called…

…The Law of Consistency

This is a behavioral law that says that people are likely to act in alignment with their previous decisions.

So, if your ex has broken up with you, they will continue to behave in a way that is consistent with that.

Meaning…

• They will resist getting back together with you
• They will resist admitting that things might have changed for the better with you
• They will resist cutting you any slack

And so on.

Does This Mean It’s Impossible to Get Back Together?

Not at all.

The key to getting back together with your is that you have to show them that their initial conclusion was completely wrong.

You have to show them that the reason they broke up with you was wrong.

You have to show them that you are NOT the person they think they broke up with.

And in most cases, this means showing them that the two of you can connect, bond, and get along better than they think the two of you can.

After all, most breakups and relationship problems are the result of a lack of connection.

Simply bringing more understanding and connection can heal your relationship.

It can cause your ex to reevaluate their decision to break up with you.


And BOOM, You’ve Beaten the Law of Consistency

But how do you do that?

How do you connect with your ex in a new way that shows them that they didn’t make the right decision in breaking up with you?

Here’s how…

You’ve got to learn a new set of skills.

Skills that will allow you to bond and connect in a new way.