Can't stop going back to my ex who keeps hurting me

[june324]

(Skip to next paragraph if you don't want to read the back story)

So I dated this guy (lets call him Daniel) for over a year.
There were good and bad things about our relationship. Here's the good side. He had a major crush on me before I even really knew him. Super sweet and REALLY enthusiastic. When I had hooked up with him he was practically begging for me to date him. We got along well, we had the same interests, same hobbies, friends in common,similar mindset, both social, and just overall matched pretty well in a lot of ways. We became best friends and we fell for each other. A lot of the time we could be really open with each other and talk about difficult things and get through it well. Actually more like only sometimes.
Here were the bad parts. Daniel had a terrible reputation. He had been a player, and disrespectful to a lot of girls. But he was with me, and I thought things were different. But then I realized that I was drunk and he wasn't when we first hooked up. And that he manipulated me in several ways in the beginning but I ignored the red flags because I liked him. Then he got this girl Amy, who he had drunkenly hooked up with before me, to send him nudes and then lied to my face about it. And consistently flirted with other girls in front of my face. When I'd call after having something terrible happen sometimes he wouldn't respond, he wouldn't be there for me. A lot of the time he would fuck me and then just sit on his phone. Sometimes he would ask me to come over and go do chores and leave me by myself.
Why did I put up with this? Because I loved him. Because I thought I was being strong by confronting him about all of these issues and being strong and demanding change, only to let him coerce me into trusting him again, and have nothing change. Because he told me that he was just insecure (which I still believe) and constantly looked for validation from literally everyone. That he would get jealous when he'd see me looking nice being out with my friends, and that I was so out of his league.
I don't know.. he seemed so genuinely upset. He'd cry when I'd call him out, seem genuinely upset to see me so upset. He'd try to change sometimes, but sometimes he'd get all defensive, said that I was tearing down his self esteem. Maybe I was.
He became close with this girl Heidi, who had a thing with his friend at the time, but appeared extremely flirty. So much so that there were rumors about him liking her. Maybe they were true. I tried to be okay with it, and at some points I was. But when he said he was going on a ski trip and failed to mention she was coming, I gave him an ultimatum. Go on the ski trip, and I would be done with him.
So we broke up. And he acted like he didn't care at all. Said it was for the best. Which absolutely tore me up inside. I began to regret it and backslide. I texted him that I missed him and I hoped that we could be together again one day, and immediately regretted it. Then said we should stay friends. Then he did the same to me. Then one night we were at the same party and I ended up screaming at him, because of rumors that had been spreading around of him sexually assaulting other girls. I felt sorry because I didn't truly believe in the rumors. We end up talking privately and then of course we start hooking up and I went back to his house just for him to kick me out after sleeping with me. He was angry and started yelling at me at 4 am.
Then he leaves for vacation, starts texting me all of these sweet things, saying that he loves me and wishes we could be together. He suggests friends with benefits, and I decline, saying I wanted to but it wasn't smart. Then I come over on New Years, and of course, we hook up. I actually had a great night with him.
Then. He barely talks to me. Treats me like a stranger. So then I told him I was done. Blocked him off of all social media.
Until I cave, unblock him, just to have him tell me he misses me and I fell for it all over again.
We ended up going to a concert we had paid for before, and then hooked up again. After, he said we should just be friends. Again. Which I agreed upon.
Until a few days later when he comes to me crying and wanting me back. So I accept.
Only to TAKE IT BACK AGAIN.
So he's blocked. I returned his stuff. It's only been a couple weeks since I haven't talked to him. We go to school together so it isn't easy.


Clearly we have this connection.
But I don't appreciate the way he takes me for granted. The things he does. But I love him and I keep letting him back in only to be disappointed.
Is he a bad person who doesn't care about me at all? Did he ever love me? Am I crazy? Lol.
Or maybe he loves me but is just emotionally unavailable?
Or am I contributing by being over domineering and maybe for things to work I need to ease up? (Probably won't do it anyway.. I deserve better than to have to lower my standards any more than I have).
I still love him a ton. When he's in it and he's paying attention to me it's great.
So. What do I do. If I should work it out.. how do I do it. If not.. how do I get out of this mess? Any tips on getting over this guy!?

[Olivia]

It's clear that he has hurt you a lot. The fact is that, if you don't date someone else you won't know what it means to be in a healthy relationship, so it's best to try someone else.

You are being used by him, don't allow yourself to be that woman he takes for a fool.

[Clinton]

An emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship can leave you feeling inferior, incompetent, and even cause you to question your sanity. While it may seem almost impossible at times to leave it, the truth is, your perspective on yourself and your potential will change a great deal when you are removed from a source of continual disapproval and criticism. Here are 5 things you can look forward to experiencing away from the emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship:

1. Your will be able to focus on other aspects of your life. It is amazing how much time and energy goes into maintaining and dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship. Once your energy is turned away from how to keep your partner from being angry or critical of you, it can be directed toward your dreams, goals, concerns, and aspirations.

2. You will feel more competent and secure in your decisions and judgments. When you are no longer subject to your partner telling you that you are worthless, incompetent, or even crazy, you will discover that you can make good decisions, and that your ways of doing things actually do work just fine.

3. Your relationships with others will improve. When you are wrapped up in your own misery, dealing with huge problems in your own life, it prevents you from being able to truly focus and check in to the concerns and issues of others. This prevents you from being able to make the kind of emotional investment that promotes a mutually giving friendship or family relationship.

4. Your feelings of dread will abate. You will no longer be coming home to explain yourself or defend against the criticism of your partner and will begin to feel a greater sense of ease in your own environment.

5. Your depression symptoms will improve. While not all of your depression may be a result of your emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, chances are that it has impacted you more than you realize. Being away from the constant barrage of negative messages about you will do a lot to help you overcome depressed emotions.