I really need support to help me out of this

[Lucille]

I really need some support and guidance. I am in the process of breaking up with a partner. He is a social drinker/alcoholic who is completely in denial.

We’ve been together for 2.5 years and looking back now I am so ashamed that I am still with him. I am currently on Employment support for severe anxiety and depression, I have attempted suicide twice and yet I am still with him.

He drinks most days of the week, possibly daily, it’s hard to know for sure as he lies about it. In the first year of our relationship he would often get abusive when drunk, not violent, but verbally and emotionally abusive, goading me, accusing me of things I hadn’t done, twisting my words, making me feel like a complete slut for having a past. This would be followed by denial, gas-lighting and basically making me feel like I was crazy and over-reacting.

During this time I have completely changed as a person. My last 3 jobs have been extremely stressful and I have always wondered if I could have dealt with them better had I not been going through all this. I have isolated myself from so many of my friends and although I have been able to discuss the relationship with a select few, I feel that I can no longer confide in anyone as I am so ashamed that I am still with him and feel that I some like a weak broken record.

There have been no incidences of drunken abuse for over a year, however, the drinking still continues and I find myself very scared and anxious when I know he is drinking as I know it’s going to unpleasant. I cannot stand him after a few drinks as even when not abusive, he is different with me. This scares me, he knows this and continues anyway.

Recently I have been doing a huge amount of work on myself to get out of the pit of depression and anxiety. I am off medication and have replaced that with exercise and a much healthier lifestyle, I am volunteering and trying to get my confidence back up so I can get a job. I am trying so hard to get better, and I feel it is working as I am starting to like myself again. He is just the same, no effort to change at all and I’m aware now that all of my recent low periods are a direct result of his drinking.

I really need support to help me out of this and I don’t know who to turn to. I understand that alcoholism is a disease, but it’s not possible for me to feel sorry for someone who cannot admit they have a problem, especially when they can see it having such a negative effect on someone they claim to love.

I know that I cannot stay in this situation, although I am stronger than I have been in a while, I worry that I am too weak to get out of this for good.

[Rachael]

It's bad to be with someone that is emotionally abusive, and even worst when that person is an alcoholic.

This has affected you for a long time and that's why you must breakup with him. The best way to do this is to travel to a different state far away from him. Also, ensure you change your phone number and block him on social media.

The fact is that you can't leave him if you stay around him because he will always come pleading and begging. This will eventually make you succumb anytime he does this.

[Richard]

Keep in mind when your relationship is ended poorly, the feelings of anger and annoyance can be carried into the future relationship which is not something that you may want to. If you two make a decision to end the relationship, try to do it in a calm surroundings with a clear mind.

If both of you have chose to break up without any second thought, there are a few factors for you two to ponder about as you stop the relationship.

Stop the relationship honourably. In case you are the one who wants to stop the connection, do it with your words. Don't go a roundabout way to deceive your partner into initiating the break up. Perhaps, your partner may not want the split up and you will feel guilty if you make your partner the scapegoat. Be truthful towards your partner and be clear of your decision as you do not want the two of you to end up been frustrated.

Always be honest with the reasons why you want to put an end to a relationship. You need to tell your partner why the relationship needs to be stop and it will be best for both of you to find someone more suitable. It will be great if you can let your partner understand what is happening in the relationship and why you have decided the break up. It could well be difficult but never end your relationship with some make up reasons as it may backfire. For females, lying that they are meeting up with another guy may cause their ex boyfriends to end up doing drastic things such as turning into a playboy or suicide. If you are really meeting someone else, you might want to just find a better way to break the undesirable news.

No matter whether you want to put an end to the relationship or not, do try to produce a sound and logical conclusion. A romantic relationship can drastically affect your life and staying with the wrong person could cause an undesirable outcome. However, it can only be after you have lost your loved one that you truly understand that it was a mistake. Therefore, make sure you think twice before making any final decision.