Wrong timing, what can be done? I love him

[annabellish]

Hello I have a big problem.

I used to date this guy who is still a close friend of mine. He has a mental illness that he struggles with daily but apart from that he is an amazing person. When dating we never got past the dating phase (meaning we never got intimate) because I never felt ready and I am a virgin! And I had recently gotten out of an abusive relationship which was still affecting me more than I realized at first. It has taken me all this time to let all that go and now feel ready for and want a true relationship.

Anyway I broke up with him about a year ago and he got upset and never wanted to speak to me again he said because I am literally the first and so far only woman he has EVER invested feelings in and opened up to but only a month later he texted me and wanted to keep being friends anyways.

Now though my emotions are back VERY strong! I realized that he might get serious with some other girl and it just struck me out of nowhere that no, I !! want to be with him! :O I have admitted my feelings but without saying how I feel because he's noticed it himself and given his response to that by saying: "it is too late now" and "I will never want to be in a relationship with you." I then asked if telling him my emotions could change things and he said "I don't know..." but then he said that if i'd said something maybe 6 months ago he could ""POSSIBLY, MAAYBE"" have CONSIDERED it but the "funny" thing is that he actually tried telling me how he felt for me about 6 months ago but at that time I rejected HIM and now he's acting like not even then would he have been sure... When obviously he wanted to be more than friends then. This is one reasons why I feel like he's not being honest about what he wants right now for whatever reason. And if its due to his own problems or if its my fault?

I havent brought it up anymore or put my feelings into words because i've been told that pushing a person with problems like he has can only make things worse so all I can do is to just be as usual ? He obviously wants me in his life since whenever I ask if I should just leave him alone for good he either just says no or laughs at me like i'm silly for thinking that he wants that. And he isn't a bad person either, like he wouldn't mess with me just for the sake of doing so. I have had amazing times with him and i've never met someone whom I could trust and count on more, he has always been there for me and even if we fight and he feels done he always comes back to me and I personally couldn't imagine my life without him. I just don't understand why we can't be together then. Is there no hope? What can I do? I am SO bad at these things, expressing emotions... but for the first time ever there is so much that I want to say and so much I want to explain. But I feel like I am not allowed, in case he can't handle it.

[Gray]

I know he still loves you, if he didn't he won't come back and want to be friends with you.

Men are sensitive creatures, whether they like to show it or not. While they need to know that you love them, a lot of them will shy away and be scared if they actually hear you say it. In our culture, saying "I love you" holds a lot more weight than the words do alone. Make sure to pick the right time and place to express your feelings for him verbally. Don't do it in front of his friends where he may become embarrassed. Don't do it in front of your friends where he may feel too much pressure to reciprocate. When you tell him you love him, do so in an appropriate place where you two are alone (or at least where no one else is specifically watching or listening to you).

Women tend to fall head over heels much faster than guys do. We tend to be more emotional in general, more in touch with our feelings, and more willing to express them vividly. Men, however, like to be absolutely sure before they agree to anything. A guy wants to know that he is positive about his feelings for you before he makes any statements asserting such. Because of this, it is important that you don't push him to say those three words before he is ready. It's just as important that you don't get your feelings hurt by the fact that it might take him considerably longer to say it than it took you. That's just the way the sexes are wired.

It's also a good rule of thumb to be reasonable about how much you express yourself in this manner. Too much too soon can scare him off. Try other ways of letting him know that you care for him. Listen to him rant when he has a bad day. Cook him dinner when you know he had a long day at work. Use your imagination!

[Peggy]

Men yearn to melt, to experience the feeling world through us. Men are drawn to us because we give them a chance to know themselves and open their hearts. To fully open he needs to feel safe, nurtured and excited in a relationship. Polarity between masculine and feminine energy is the most important factor in maintaining excitement in a relationship. What makes us different from men? Our feminine loving hearts and a huge spectrum of our feelings.

The secret here is not to have an agenda when talking about your feelings- don't try to change him or affect him in some way. And definitely don't try to blame him for what he's done. It's more about going inside and expressing what's true for you, saying what you feel as if you are talking to yourself.

For example, if you feel angry and hurt that he came late and didn't take you out for dinner as promised, don't start blaming him and making big statements such as 'you are always late, you never care about me, you never loved me'. This drives a man nuts, he feels like he totally failed and can't really change anything now. He takes your words literally and thinks that your whole relationship was a waste of time and there was nothing good for you in it. Statements like these devastate a man and make him feel weak or angry. He might withdraw and it will only hurt your relationship.

Instead, assume that he had a good reason to be late, whatever it is. Assume that he always has a good intention, maybe he was working late trying to earn more money for you and in his view taking care of you, maybe he really needed to be with his friends to renew his energy and be a strong man for you. But you have all the right to feel hurt, don't suppress it. Tell him 'I was so hoping to go out with you, I missed you and now I feel hurt and angry.' Because if you didn't miss him you wouldn't feel hurt. And say this more to yourself, as a statement of your feelings to yourself, without blaming him. This is just how things are. If he becomes defensive and asks 'What do you want me to do with this?' just say 'I don't know, that's how I feel'. If you are truly just expressing your feelings without putting any blame on him, he won't be able to resist and come hugging you.

I know this requires a lot of courage to be so vulnerable, but this is the way to relax into your feminine power and become very attractive to your man. I assure you, this is not a weakness, this is your feminine power. And anyway, did the old blaming way work?

Just imagine how wonderful it would feel to be with a man who cherishes and adores you, who gives you his whole heart and doesn't withhold his love from you. And the wonderful thing is, all you need to do is relax and open up to him by fully expressing your feelings, without trying to impress or manipulate him. When you own your feelings and are able to express them without getting into drama or trying to achieve something, your man will start to feel safe to express his own feelings and open up to you. Once he is open, he'll take you deep inside himself and will be very unwilling to let you go.