She Just Told Me She Needed Space From Me

[Roy]

I was with a woman for 6years. the relationship started to go south with disagreements. I proposed to her April 3rd she said "yes". A few months later she said I should take the ring back for financial reasons for the benefit of us getting ourselves together, I accepted. we would have disagreements about things after that. Right before vacation she said it would be better for me not to go so we could have space, I agreed and thought that would be best. when she came back home she said she needed space and that was in July. I've seen her every now and again, and she text me once in a blue moon now. idk what to do, I've been wanting to be with this woman since I was 19 years old, i'm 31 now. Right now she only contacts me to get her clothes but she told me that maybe one day we could watch a movie. Well its October and it hasn't happened, she never told me that our relationship was done and over with she just told me she needed space from me. I really need help i'm emotionally messed up. what do I do.

[Jane]

If your ex girlfriend wants time to herself and tells you as much, agree with her that it's a great idea. She's not going to be anticipating this type of reaction from you at all. She may have actually been putting off telling you because she was deeply concerned there would be a great deal of conflict between the two of you. She knows that you still care for her so she'll be puzzled when you agree that time is a good thing. If you can have this conversation with her and not shed a tear, that's going to help you even more.

Once you two have agreed that taking time is a good thing, follow through with it. You have to make a decision to not contact her at all. The length of time you decide to do that is up to you. It's advisable to make it for at least two to three weeks though. This will ensure that she sees that you were serious about wanting the time to yourself and also about giving her the time that she needed.

During that time it's all about you. You have to make some positive changes in the person you are if you want to win her back eventually. One thing that most guys don't even think about after a break up is that the relationship wasn't working for some reason. You have to identify what that reason was and then you have to work on improving what you can about yourself to ensure the second time around goes much better than the first. If you try and start up the relationship with your ex girlfriend where you two left off, don't expect it to succeed. The same problems will pop up and the conflicts that plagued you then, will destroy things again.

You're going to think about your ex a lot during the time you two aren't talking and she's probably doing the same thing about you. Absence has a remarkable way of reminding us of why we love someone. If that person is no longer there, they weigh on your mind more and you can't stop thinking about them. That's what your ex girlfriend will be experiencing during her time away from you.

The combination of time and self improvement is a powerful one. All those anxieties she may have had about being in a relationship with you again, will have fallen to the wayside because of the longing she's feeling. Once you two do start talking again, show her how you've grown and matured. She'll be touched that you recognized what you needed to change and she'll be honored that you made those changes for her.

[Jerome]

When she wants space, regardless of how much you don't want to give it to her, you need to. Fighting with someone who has one foot out of the door of the relationship won't help. It will only hurt you both. Bear in mind that you're not going to be able to fix the issues overnight and that sometimes some time is exactly what is needed to mend a broken relationship. Give her the space she needs and be accepting of it. She'll be grateful that you're recognizing her needs and not trying to stop her from doing something she feels is necessary.

Your next move is an important one. You're going to feel inclined to spend a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what went wrong. Generally this involves thinking about every conversation you two have had the past few weeks or replaying her voicemail messages. Doing this stuff will drive you crazy, so you need to avoid it. Instead of allowing yourself to fall into an abyss of painful memories, get out and do things that you like doing. There's nothing wrong with hanging out with friends or even taking a vacation after a break up. You're not going to ruin your chances of getting her back if you're having fun. Doing something for yourself will actually help in that you'll be able to push your negative emotions aside and start living your life again.

One crucial mistake that you absolutely must avoid making when your girlfriend says she needs some distance is to find someone new in an effort to make her jealous. This is a very bad idea for several reasons. Namely she'll probably decide she's done with you for good if she hears you've moved on already. Instead of trying to make her jealous, just let her know that you're around and willing to be her friend. Don't pressure her into talking or seeing you. This will show her that you're taking your time moving forward but that you'll always be there for her. That alone will demonstrate to her what a great boyfriend you were and can be again.

[Kate]

But, what does a girlfriend wanting space really want, first of all? Unfortunately, more times than not, when your girlfriend wants space all of a sudden, then she could be spelling out the beginning of the end for your relationship. She's simply trying to minimize the pain afflicted upon you while also avoiding any guilt on the part of herself. Sad, but true.

Now, before you worry yourself up into an emotional frenzy, giving your girlfriend space doesn't absolutely spell disaster. In fact, a healthy level of time spent apart from one another helps the relationship to flourish in the long run. Too much time together, always up under one another can lead to you or your girlfriend feeling suffocated, robbed of any free time to yourselves. This could very well be the situation you're in now and not so much that your girlfriend is trying to "let you down easy" as she makes way for a new man in her life.

Closing The Gap

So, what can you do to help close the gap that has been recently created between the two of you and get your relationship back to what it once was as quickly and easily as possible? Well, your girlfriend wants space, so that's exactly what you're going to give her. Of course, that seems quite counter-productive since right now, space is the last thing you want for fear that it will lead to forever. However, the best thing you can do is to agree with her suggestion as though you have been feeling the very same way for some time now.

Make sure you give her the full impression that you are perfectly okay and at ease with the concept of time apart from her. In fact, if you've already balked at the idea when she first mentioned it, the next time you run into her or speak to her on the phone, let her know that after having some time to think about it, you agree with the idea completely. Do this, however, in a calm and confident manner, making sure to avoid any sarcastic or nasty tone. She has to believe that you truly are fine with the whole idea even if you are not.

When your girlfriend wants space, the more you can give her the impression that you're perfectly okay with it, the better. And, the best way to give her that impression is to totally agree with her and go on with your life, enjoying time with friends, and spending more time doing those things that you love to do. Maybe you had too little time to do those things when she was always around, so why not enjoy the free time to yourself while you have it?

Live it up, for now, and leave it up to her to contact you when she's ready. Before you know it, she'll be calling just to find out exactly what it is you have been up to simply because, deep down, she was expecting you to contact her first. I can practically guarantee it!