How do I Support my Recent Ex after Severe Trauma?

[anonymouspsy]

For some context, I'm 21 and she's 20. After dating a year and a half; we broke up 1 month ago but long story short the main cause was a poor living situation; us both living in a single room in my suicidal father's house (he's getting help) far away from civilzation. A lot of little arguments happened that built up over time from the stress of our environment and my solution was us living separately like we were towards the beginning of our relationship because I thought it would be healthier but she said she was unhappy and didn't want to do it anymore.

Sure I still love her, sure I miss the hell out of her and would take her back so we can try again in a healthy environment (us moved away from this depressing island)... But she had something happen to her that's a lot more important than my feelings for her and our past that we had created together.

Two weeks ago, she was spending time with an old friend she trusted and had no suspicion of, and while she was simply trying to sleep she was raped. I cannot fathom the pain she is going through and her lack of trust for everybody around her; I just want to support the girl I love through this hard time without her thinking "Oh you're only trying to offer your hand because you want to get back together". If she asks for some space, how long do I go without checking on her or asking her if she would like to grab a bite or go for a walk in the park? Ultimately, I care more about her happiness, safety, and well being than my romantic feelings for her.

[Shirley]

Helping her in this situation of distress is an exception to the rule of giving her space. She isn't going to think you are helping because you want her back, except you make it obvious that you are doing it to win her back. Simply help her without any sentimental attachment and she will be grateful to you.

[Barry]

Give her all the support she needs now because she needs you more now. Helping her might create an opportunity to get her back again if you are lucky.

[Zinok]

Honestly I`d be upfront with her.
Tell her, before this happened to you I was thinking we could try again if we were removed from this toxic environment, but know that that in no way shapes my urge to be here for you now. Tell her that only once she has coped with this, will you two even think about that as a possibility, and that all your actions are as a friend who loves her, with no expectation or strings attached. Let her know that you are there, and will be there for her, both now and after her recovery, but only at her own pace. Ask her what you can do for her now, and that the rest can be dealt with later.

I`m really sorry to hear that happened to her. I respect your desire to support her. She`s lucky to have you. Even if you two don`t ultimately get back together, you`re doing the right thing by being the friend she needs you to be.