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I'll try to explain my situation as best I can from the beginning.
About 5 years ago, I began a relationship with a man called Eric. This was my first serious relationship since coming out as a gay man. I loved him very much, to the point where I was making plans to move in with him and get married. After about 18 months together, he abruptly left me without explanation. He literally disappeared from my life with no break-up and no goodbye. I was distraught. I got so upset that I actually became ill. It was as though he had died.
I tried very hard to move on from this, but it was something that was always bothering me in the back of my mind. About 6 months ago, I decided to check his social media to see if I could piece together some answers. I eventually discovered that he had moved to Germany and he had cheated on me with another man who he has since married. To make matters worse, this affair had been going on for almost an entire year before he left me. I felt humiliated, betrayed and sick to my stomach.
I knew there would be no justice for me. There were no laws against liars and cheats. He showed no guilt or remorse for what he had done. He was going to get away with all the heartache and misery he had caused me. I was so angry and upset, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I wanted to see how faithful he was to his husband. I created a fake persona online, someone who I knew he would be attracted to, and began flirting with him.
I was successful and managed to earn his trust. I got him to cheat on his husband through the exchange of private messages and pictures. Once I knew the relationship could go no further, I sent this evidence to his husband and began publicly exposing his cheating online. I said some pretty nasty things. I made derogatory posts about him and tagged his friends, family and work colleagues in them.
He eventually found out I was the one responsible and was understandably very angry. He then referred to me as "disturbed". It was at this point I took a step back in horror at what I had done. Was he right? Am I disturbed? I would never have done anything like this a few years ago. I used to despise people like me who would use the internet in this way.
I feel guilty and ashamed for what I've done. This was vindictive and cruel behaviour. He's brought out the worst in me and I hate what I've become because of him. I've let myself down. This has wrecked my life and I've only made things worse. Am I able to come back from this?
Why can't I let Eric go? Why did I do these horrible things? Do I have some kind of psychological problem or personality disorder?
About 5 years ago, I began a relationship with a man called Eric. This was my first serious relationship since coming out as a gay man. I loved him very much, to the point where I was making plans to move in with him and get married. After about 18 months together, he abruptly left me without explanation. He literally disappeared from my life with no break-up and no goodbye. I was distraught. I got so upset that I actually became ill. It was as though he had died.
I tried very hard to move on from this, but it was something that was always bothering me in the back of my mind. About 6 months ago, I decided to check his social media to see if I could piece together some answers. I eventually discovered that he had moved to Germany and he had cheated on me with another man who he has since married. To make matters worse, this affair had been going on for almost an entire year before he left me. I felt humiliated, betrayed and sick to my stomach.
I knew there would be no justice for me. There were no laws against liars and cheats. He showed no guilt or remorse for what he had done. He was going to get away with all the heartache and misery he had caused me. I was so angry and upset, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I wanted to see how faithful he was to his husband. I created a fake persona online, someone who I knew he would be attracted to, and began flirting with him.
I was successful and managed to earn his trust. I got him to cheat on his husband through the exchange of private messages and pictures. Once I knew the relationship could go no further, I sent this evidence to his husband and began publicly exposing his cheating online. I said some pretty nasty things. I made derogatory posts about him and tagged his friends, family and work colleagues in them.
He eventually found out I was the one responsible and was understandably very angry. He then referred to me as "disturbed". It was at this point I took a step back in horror at what I had done. Was he right? Am I disturbed? I would never have done anything like this a few years ago. I used to despise people like me who would use the internet in this way.
I feel guilty and ashamed for what I've done. This was vindictive and cruel behaviour. He's brought out the worst in me and I hate what I've become because of him. I've let myself down. This has wrecked my life and I've only made things worse. Am I able to come back from this?
Why can't I let Eric go? Why did I do these horrible things? Do I have some kind of psychological problem or personality disorder?
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