My Boyfriend Don't Ever Want To Tell Me Why He Broke Up With Me

[Vivian]

My problem is that it was weird how things ended and began, it was me who told him I liked him. At first, he said that he was going to give me an opportunity, after 1 week he told me that he felt in love with me. Things were great at that point, but after that he turned distant, I thought he was stressed because of work, so I tried to leave him alone 2 days, to relax and calm down. After that I talked to some mutual friends about it, and they told me that he was saying that we were not going to last any longer. Then one day he send me a text telling me that he wanted to talk to me, he called and told me that he wanted to breakup, I asked the reason and he just said that I changed. After the broke-up he just told one of them that us as a couple is imposible. I tried hard to move on, after 4 days I knew that I can't, I still love him. I tried talking with him about it, I told him about my feelings and he didn't know what to say. And now I don't know what to do because he don't ever want to tell me why did me breakup, he never specified, or tried to fix it, talk it or whatever. I really love him. Should I just move on, end the connection and let him go? Or I can do something to get him back...?

[Paul]

In an ideal world, you would get closure when someone leaves you. Especially after you spent every waking moment with the person, and opened up every vulnerable part of yourself up to them. BUT, in the real world, people leave you without any explanation, thus you are left without any closure.

You sit there wondering what you did wrong to make your lover leave without any sort of real reason or explanation. You become confused and feel as though they have ran you over with the breakup, because it came out of nowhere, and they couldn't even respect you enough to offer a reason.

Fortunately, it's possible to understand the reasons behind a breakup, even if your partner refused to give you such, by simply looking at a few things that occurred during the relationship or during the breakup. Here are the top 7 reasons why your ex left you without any explanation:

Your Ex Was Afraid Of Commitment - He/she ran for the hills when they realized that you are wanting them to commit. They didn't explain the breakup, because they didn't want to hurt you by telling you the truth: they didn't want to spend their life with you.

He/She Didn't See A Future With You - At first your ex may have committed, and may have seen a future with you. But with time your ex started to see how you were just too different and how a future would have been nearly impossible together. Your ex wanted a comfortable life, and got the impression that it would be just too difficult with you.

Your Ex Didn't See Any Change - If this was a heavy relationship, wherein you both argued and fought more than anything else; then your ex likely would have given you plenty of chances to change. Eventually, when you didn't, he/she got fed up and left completely.

He/She Had Personal Problems That You Were Amplifying - Stress from work, financial problems, insecurities.....you were only adding to their problems by amplifying them, so your partner left to take the pressure and pain off.

Your Ex Wanted To Move On - If you were together for a long time, perhaps your ex got tired of the routine you had together. Your ex chose to move on, so that they wouldn't cheat, or so that things wouldn't become worse. This is true if you never really understood each other, disagreed a lot, and argued even over simple things.

He/She Fell Out Of Love With You - It takes time for love to diminish, but it diminishes quickly if there is a lot of strain in the relationship. A troubled relationship caused by a partner's constant hurtful actions can lead someone to fall out of love, because they learn to start disliking the person on the basis of their poor choice of actions and words.

Your Ex Felt Guilty - Your ex may have hurt you a lot, and you may have blamed them for it. Your ex may have noticed how you changed for the worse since them, and thus felt guilty about not being able to give you the best; so they left in hopes that you could find better.

[Anthonia]

Just as your emotions are off the chart, your ex boyfriend's are as well. This may be hard to believe given all the rude and obnoxious things he's been saying lately. You have to look past those though to the heart of why he's behaving the way he is. Men aren't as naturally skilled at dealing with difficult emotions as women are. Instead of sitting down and talking through something negative they are feeling, they prefer to lash out. Their anxiety and the feeling of being emotionally vulnerable causes some men to attack the person who made them feel those difficult emotions. Hence the reason you've become the verbal target for your ex boyfriend's anger and disappointment.

If you dumped him, he may not let up on his unappealing behavior for some time. He's working through his emotions and until he does that, he'll continue to wear the cap of a major jerk. The only thing you can do to remedy this is to separate yourself from him. By creating some distance you'll be showing him that you don't find his behavior towards you acceptable at all and you value yourself too much to allow it to continue.

It's incredibly important that you don't take his insults or ranting personally. That's virtually impossible if you still have some lingering feelings for the man but it's essential for your own self worth not to put too much weight in what he says. Remember that he is trying desperately to hurt you the same way he has been hurt, and he'll do whatever it takes to ensure that happens.

It's the very same reason why some men take up with a new woman right after the breakup of their long term relationship. Their reasoning behind this is twofold. A man who is hurting after his relationship ends wants to drown those feelings out and can do that by getting close to someone new. The other reason some men do this is simply to hurt their ex girlfriend. They tell her that they've met a new woman who is everything their ex girlfriend isn't. They do this solely for the purpose of causing her heartache. That's an obvious jerk move and if you see it for what it is, you'll be able to accept it that much easier.

Remember his behavior is not a reflection of you or the time you two spent together. Try to view his disrespectful antics as a sign that he's in deep emotional pain. If you do that you can still see the good in him and remember the wonderful moments you two shared before things went wrong.

[Mabel]

I can't begin to count the number of times my heart has been broken or the number of times I have broken the hearts of others. It seems that we have to go through a lot of dark nights to arrive at that one person who we're willing to go the distance with in life. But until that happens, there is a lot of heartache and sadness: People who we thought were the one, others who we desperately wanted to be the one, and a greater number who had us thinking there would never be another one.

Yet life continued to happen despite the good and the ugly. We ate, slept, worked, and managed to enjoy life even after dealing with a breakup. And once a considerable amount of time had passed by, the once tumultuous relationship took on a different perspective. What had looked like one person using the other now looked more like one person taking on the role of neediness as an unconscious attempt to keep the other person near. What seemed like abandonment to one was the other person being responsible for self and giving you the freedom to do likewise.

There are an endless amount of reasons why a relationship fails at the time that it fails. However, you are quick to blame yourself for not being what they wanted, or them for not keeping up their end of the bargain, you know, the one that makes you happy. I have found that I need time to heal, time to learn how to get over someone who has broken my heart before I can be mature with my words. So often in the heat of the moment, words are uttered that diminish, hurt, and destroy any goodwill that you truly have for the other person. Words are like weapons that strike at the heart with great force causing it emotional and psychological wounding. And what is said is no different from what is done and in many ways can never be undone.

So, I have taken some of by breakup letters over the years and compiled them into one breakup letter. These letters were the best of the best. Why? Because this is when I started to learn that compassion was more powerful than fear and that the words I said and wrote could never be undone. I knew that there would come a day when that person would be going through their closet and come across that letter I had written them some years ago. Yes, believe it or not people do keep things even if they don't keep you. Ultimately, I learned the importance of being kind with my words verses being right. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, my heart was broken and I couldn't see past my nose but more importantly, I knew I had a responsibility above all else to be kind. Telling you what a smuck you had been wouldn't get you back, or how you destroyed my trust in others.

Those were breakup lines I soon learned to do without. So, if you are in a place of bitterness and anger and someone has done you wrong and it's time to leave but you can't find the kind words to say, I hope you will use this letter. Put your own little twist on it but above all else, be kind. Who knows how far your kindness will travel. Maybe that person will need to hear those words one dark night. After all, we all have them. Send me the letter you would have sent had you not sent this one...at least you get it out of your system, right? If your heart has been broken, use this one:

Thank you so very much for the experience of you, Name. This past year has been a lesson in humility and trust and I'm glad to have taken the lessons with you. My heart is sad that things didn't work out between us but I know that everything happens for a reason. I am ready to let you go so that you may find all that it is you seek. Although I wanted you to find your home with me, I'm prepared to accept reality as it is. My hope for you is that you will find peace and happiness even if it's not with me. I only wish you well.

Sign your name and be done with it. If you are breaking the heart of another, use this one:

Thank you so very much for the experience of you, Name. This past year has been a lesson in humility and trust and I'm glad to have taken the lessons with you. I'm sorry to have broken your heart in this matter but I know that there is someone who can love you better than what I am capable of at this time. You deserve to be loved and I believe you will. I only wish you well as you journey forward.

Again, sign your name and mail this letter or give it to them personally so that they can read it in private later. This letter is your closure letter, the period at the end of a sentence... the curtains closing at the end of a show... the final kiss goodbye in a metaphorical term. However, life does give us some sweet surprises when we least expect it. Sometimes there is an encore performance. Maybe, just maybe, your love interest only needed some time. But one thing is for sure, your chances of getting back together is much greater if you treat them respectfully not only going into the relationship but also as you exit out. Those last words, that breakup letter, no matter which party is sending the letter is more important than you might presently realize, which is why it's important to be prepared and not leave it up to your emotional state at the time.

[Nate]

I suggest you give him some space, and before you know it he will begin to miss you and come crawling back.