On the verge of finishing with my girlfriend, please help!

[AshKen85]

Hi people, right after months of feeling like this, I’ve decided to come on here and try and get an unbiased, honest opinion, I will try to go into as much detail as possible. I met my girlfriend through an online dating site just over a year ago, things started off as they normally do, we had butterflies, messaged each other all the time and things were just great, but there’s been one problem present during our relationship, I’m very insecure, I’m paranoid, jealous and just overall not a very confident person. First of all, I’ll describe what sort of person she is, she’s a strong, confident person, was in the army for 7 years and is a horsey girl, she has her own horse and also works on the horse yard where he’s kept so she spends a great deal of time there, she’s never been very good at showing her feelings much but she does tell me everyday that she loves me. Now I’ll describe what I’ve been thinking all through our relationship. I have always felt like she’s too good for me, that I’m boring, that me and her don’t have enough in common or don’t talk enough, she’s always reassured me and told me she loves me for who I am etc, but somehow it’s not enough. I just feel jealous and insecure all the time, thing is, now I’m starting to find it difficult to tell the difference between whether I’m just being stupid or if she genuinely doesn’t care much about me, when we first met, her horse was on loan so we spent a lot of time together. She moved down with me for a while as we lived an hours drive apart from each other, but at the beginning of the year we got our own place where she worked, I haven’t been able to find a job there yet so I’m having to commute over an hour to my current job where I used to live, her horse also came back off loan, she said she was going to get him fit and then sell him but now she’s changed her mind, now I feel like that her horse is her main focus, if not her only. She spends most of her time with the horse and planning things throughout the year, competitions etc with him but never any mention of planning stuff with me, whenever I bring up doing something, she seems keen but doesn’t seem to have much interest in planning anything, I’m just starting to feel like a convenience and a time filler rather than her significant other, most of the time when we see ech other, were both tired so it’s normally a quick bite to eat, watch tv for an hour then bed, and as you might have guessed, no sex very often either, also feel left out, as in she has all her friends, and has a great job and life and she lives literally just down the road from where her job and horse is, I have to travel 2-21/2 hours each day, I have no friends here and I just don’t feel happy at all, I haven’t properly sat down and talked to her about any of this, I don’t really know how to, whenever I’ve tried I can’t really get my words out and just say a couple little things so I just end up moody and just go to bed. My family and friends tell me to stop being needy and worry about things so much and just get on with it and things will get better, I’ve been worried about one thing or the other ever since our relationship first started and I’m now starting to just think is it best to just end it or try and deal with my problems, I can’t tell anymore if it’s all my issues or she is actually being neglectful and just cares about her work and horse. I just want an unbiased opinion off someone I don’t know based on what I’ve just described. Thanks

[Tina]

If you have insecurity issues with her, then your relationship with her is going to be a mess. You need to fix your insecurity issues or breakup with her and get another girlfriend you will feel secure around.

[Dennis]

After doing this one thing, your girlfriend will be more intensely attracted to you, she will want to be around you more, AND she will be less motivated to have a "wandering eye".

So what's this special trick?

I'm going to tell you in a bit, but first I want to help you get a glimpse into the life of the typical young woman in college...

The average girl in university is TRAPPED.

Yes. It's true. Most 20 year old girls - especially if they're hot - are being told what to do by just about everyone they know.

Let's start with her parents. Daddy feels very insecure about sending his baby off to school. One way or another, he wants to make sure his girl is safe and secure. Each dad may have a different approach, but most dads are probably trying to tell their daughters what to do all the time. If they're not telling their daughter what to do, they're silently disapproving of what their daughter does, and she knows it.

A university girl's friends are extremely important to her. She is often constrained by the expectations of her girlfriends, who expect her to act a certain way at certain times.

College girls also have to deal with the expectations of their boyfriends. It is also EXTREMELY common to see hot girls with boyfriends that are just a tad overly jealous and controlling. So now they always have to deal with that as well.

Like I said, university girls are TRAPPED. Everywhere they turn, someone is trying to tell them how they should act. That's exactly why when you ENCOURAGE HER TO BE INDEPENDENT, she will love you for it.

That's the secret. Encourage her to be independent. Encouraging her to be independent also shows that YOU are independent. It makes you more attractive to her. When you are needy and clingy, she likes you less and less. Neediness is death to attraction. When you do the opposite, simple as it sounds, she will see you in a VERY unique way, because nobody else is telling her to be independent. Jealousy is such a bad quality. It's so bad, that being jealous actually INCREASE the likelihood that she will cheat. Don't be jealous, encourage her independence. She will start thinking of you as "one in a million" because in reality, you are.

She will also appreciate having the chance to spread her wings a bit.

The next time she wants to have a girl's night out, tell her to have fun! In fact, suggest it. If she wants to go do something, or try something new, be the person who supports her. You can even jokingly help her find another guy so she can get off your back! Just remember when you do this, find the nerdiest dude in the crowd and say, "He looks like your type!" She'll usually laugh. Try it. Go chat with your girl right now, and get her to talk about what she wants to do that she hasn't done yet. Then go tell her to go do it! Give her strong words of encouragement. I might say, "Baby, I see so much potential in you that you'd probably be surprised. When you talk about doing X, honestly I'm surprised that you haven't done it yet because I know you're so much more capable than that... Go do it! I know you can handle it..."