Trying to move on after a difficult breakup

[melimelo]

I broke up with my boyfriend after i found him texting other girls inappropriately. This was the second time I caught him. I loved being with him and I thought he would be the one I'd build my life with (I'm 27). In hindsight, there were many issues in the relationship and this was one more thing I couldn't tolerate and it broke my heart.

I was so in love with him that I think I had chosen to ignore all the red flags throughout the relationship (he lied a lot about very small things for no reason for example, he got angry very easily and for not much reason, during arguments, he would shout at me and say things like I'm stupid. Once, he got raging mad at a little thing I said that annoyed him. We were in the car and he started driving crazy, I asked him to stop driving like that but he carried on whilst shouting at me. He then stopped the car and pulled over. He leaned over me, untied my seatbelt, opened the door and pushed me outside. We weren't far from the house so I walked back as he drove off. When I got to the house, he was throwing all my clothes on our bed and asking me to pack up my shit and leave. I was so angry at how he had pushed me for no reason that I started packing, not having anywhere to go. It's only when I reached the door with my suitcase, that he changed his tone of voice and apologised and begged me to stay. So i did, and let that pass.).
He didn't take the break up well at all. He thought that trust could be rebuilt, and didn't seem to understand that my trust had already broken the first time I caught him doing texting other girls. I tried so hard over the year to rebuild my trust in him as I loved him so much. It got the better of me I guess and I never fully trusted him again so I ended up checking his phone regularly and constantly found little lies here and there.

After we broke up, I texted another guy. My ex hacked into my accounts and saw my messages with this guy. He then proceeded to accuse me of being the one who was at fault in the relationship and saying mean things about our relationship, like the fact that he had wasted two years of his life, that he felt suffocated, etc. Some days he would write very sweet and understanding messages, and the next he would send me angry ones asking me to stop talking to so and so. After a couple of months of this, I ended up blocking him. This was very difficult for me as I never wanted the break up in the first place, but he left me with no other choice as I was physically and mentally destroyed by his attitude after the breakup and also by what he had done during the relationship. Even though I blocked him, I can still see messages he sends me. He has been messaging me once a month, and we broke up in November. Some messages say that he still loves me. Others are asking me to stop talking to a guy whom he knows at my work. Another about apologising for his behaviour. They are all very different and it's always up and down.

He also figured out where my new flat is and a friend of mine saw him sitting outside my flat in his car. He later admitted that he knew where I lived based on photos I had naively sent him of the flat , at a time after the breakup when we were being amicable (he looked up flats in that area and matched the photos). Once, after weeks of not speaking, he also left a packet of this mac and cheese that I like on my car. Without a note or anything. Just the packet.

I'm writing here because yesterday he forwarded me an email he sent me about two months ago about this guy I was talking to at my work. He also messaged me saying: I'm sorry to bother you but could you please do me a favour? He never said what the favour is but I know it's to get me to talk to him. I have been ignoring all his messages for the last 4 months now. But he keeps on and also comments nice things on my parents and siblings facebook posts.

I don't know what to do. I find it difficult to move on when he is still messaging me or my family. I feel like there is no end to it, and I feel guilty for wanting to move on when he seems to still want something from me. I am seeing someone now and trying to move on. It's so difficult for me because of how much in love I was with my ex, that any sign of him brings out feelings (whether good or bad) and I can't seem to let it not affect me. I've never had such strong feelings for anyone before and I'm having a difficult time trying to move on properly and forget him. I just want to move on with my life now. Do you think I should message him again ? (I have told him on multiple occasions since the breakup that we shouldn't contact each other anymore so that strategy doesn't seem to have worked).

Thank you for reading and any comments you have

[Caleb]

I think you are the one making it hard for you to move on. If you want to cut off contact with him, then you need to first change your phone number. You can't be using the same phone number and expect him not to contact you.

Next block him on all social media, and if you live close to him travel far away for awhile.

You must take these crucial steps if you want to move on with your life.

[Alexa]

"Forget your ex and move on" is the common advice given by most people for those going through a breakup. Based on the relationship the two of you shared, forgetting your ex can be easy or easier said than done experience!

Here are some of the proven ways that can help you forget your ex and move on

Do not contact your ex
You will not be able to forget your ex if you are constantly talking or chatting with your ex. May be in your hearts of hearts you think that the more you communicate the better chance there is to get back with your ex. Stop! This is unlikely to happen. Remind yourself that the breakup happened for a reason. Decide you are not going to contact your ex no matter what.

Get rid of reminders of your ex
Do you still have photos of your ex around the house? Perhaps a special gift that bring back painful memories? It is time to put these into a box or got rid of them.
Same goes for the face book profile!

Do not stay cooped up inside the house
Staying at home, reminiscing about the good times that you had with your ex, will not take you any further towards forgetting your ex. It can be depressing staying home alone. You do not need to go right back into dating but try to spend time more with your friends and family.

Focus on you
One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to take your head out of what your ex might be up to and put it back into yours! Set some personal goals; hobby, career, exercise etc.

[sarahanry]

hi i am new here.

[Pinky Kumar]

Breaking up with someone can feel like a major loss.

Relationships that are over still can have a pull on us for long. Something that was once a really big part of your life starts to fade away.

We might have faced it by our self or came across it when a close acquaintance went through it.



Here are the ways you can get over a break up:

• The best way to heal after a break up is to start loving yourself. The person who deserves all your love and attention after a breakup is you!
• Embrace your “me” time, and cultivate your interests as an individual, as you gradually move on from the relationship.
• Talk it out and write it down, in the most positive way you can. Try to squeeze out every bit of positivity from the breakup that has happened.
• Take yourself out to do things and enjoy the freedom to do what you want. Go to your favorite coffee shop, go shopping, or take yourself on a mini-vacation.
• Make sure that you are eating well, sleeping enough, making time for relaxation, and getting regular exercise to feel your best.
• Don’t be afraid to ask your friends and family for support if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.
• Register that we can’t force anyone to love us back, nor can we force them to stay. We can only let the time take control as it is aptly said, time heals everything.
• Stay hopeful for even happier future and believe that whatever happens- happens for good. Let go the past and the past will let go of you.

When you come close to terms with the end of a relationship, that didn’t go well, you will surely feel a very freeing experience. You are no longer required to fight in order to keep things alive.

Once you have successfully overcome this hurdle in your life, you will emerge as a more evolved person. After a breakup, you will develop a much deeper empathy towards others, you will figure out who are the ones who stick to you in your worst time and most importantly make you aware of your true aspirations in life.