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Hey guys,
before i start i have to say that english is not my mother tongue. I will do my best but please dont judge me by grammar mistakes.
I would love to hear your view on my story. I feal really stupid for all that.
I am 39 years old, never married, no girlfriend, no kids. I absolutely dont like being 39, actually i hate getting older. I prefer going dancing, have some fun, do a lot of excercise and so on. I have a healthy lifestile without stress, my hair is not gray, and many people think i am about 10 years younger. When i can, i also try to life like that and usually i like it when girls in their twenties still find me attractive. Well, usually.
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However, here is what happened: I went dancing to a place with mostly much younger people around 20, i was one of the oldest there but noone noticed that. I have been there before, always dancing with the older (all adult!) girls who usually liked that.
But this time, there was a girl, she saw me ocassionally and (as she told me later) liked me for years, althought we never talked much. She was a student, had her own appartement and several small jobs. This time however, she was there alone so we talked and decided to go out with each other.
She was an introvert girl, wo as it seems had some problems with others. She was afraid of the world, didnt drink alcohol, didnt go to parties unless her mother drove her home, didnt have boyfriends before, and was probably a little isolated. Her mother was never in a relationship with her father and raising her alone.
We met about 10 times in 1 month and felt in love with each other. She was very focussed on me, telling me how much she likes everything about me and so on. During that time everything was as harmonic as it could be and she was extremely happy, telling me this all the time. At the last days i was sleeping in her bed, and she told me that she soon wants to have s... with me. I didnt even ask for that, i wanted to be as considerate to her as possible.
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However, now comes the stupid part: We never talked about our age. I wasnt keen on the topic because i dont want to be as old as i am anyway and i dont like to have this number written on my forehead. Everything seemed to fine and perfect for me and age never was a problem. She on the other hand didnt ask me for one month. When she finally asked me causally and late in the evening, i didnt tell her, instead saying "i dont want to talk about it". Yes, that was stupid again, but at that time i didnt realize the importance of all this.
Well, it was easy for her to find out the number. I am 39, she was 20 and now everything was not just over, it was really messy.
She called me, crying on the phone. I drove to her, wanted to talk to her, she was visiting her parents at this time. She just paniced, cried all the time. I tried to excuse me somehow ( that i try to stay healthy, do a lot of excercise and that i am biologically probably younger, that i didnt tell her lies, ... ) but i guess she felt somehow fooled by my younger apperance and the fact, that i want to stay and look younger and i know it. However, by what she was saying her problem was not that i didnt tell it right away - her problem was that in her view it was somehow completely perverse for a 20-year-old women to be in bed with a 39 year old. And as if that was not enough, her parents came into her room and threw me out of the house.
I felt like an idot. And because i really loved her, i was crying myself for many days after that. And hearing from an adult, younger girl i loved that being in bed with me would be a pervert thing really hit me in the heart.
I knew this was over and that i got it really wrong, thinking that age wouldnt matter if a girl loves me, knows my body and behavior, and when everything seemed so perfect. Yes, i made a mistake, but I really didnt expect this outcome.
After this separation i wrote her two emails, trying to explain and to excuse. I didnt ask her to come back, but i wanted to make clear that i didnt want to hurt her in any way and that this was not intended. She didnt answer to any of these messages. I didnt call her.
After 3 months (without contact) i wrote her again, asked her (by email) for a conversation, i wanted to apologize for any problems caused to her, have a normal conversation with her to get over all that. No response.
I saw here again, one week after this email at a festival. She was there with a friend and when she saw me, she did everything just not to even get close to me, when i approached her up to a few meters distance, she again paniced and cried. I saw here again 2 months later from the distance, and she still had problems. I ignored her anyway, but i say her talking about me, never going away from her dancing partner, as if i would somehow do something to her if she was alone. It seems to me she was still focussed on me for months, now reinforcing her belief how bad i was day after day.
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Now ending a relationship is one thing, if she doesnt want any more i dont argue about that. But additionally i am feeling like such an idiot and evertime i see her she really gives me the impression that i did something very bad. I would really have appreciated if she would at least have had one more normal conversation with me.
Of course i know that i made mistakes. The idea that i could just not talk about age when dating a younger women was stupid, but is THIS reaction still appropriate? I mean, she was not a child, but a 20 year old student (remarkl: in my country a consensual relationship is legal when a girl is 16, under certain circumstances already earlier). I really didnt expect such an outcome.
What are your thoughts on this story?
before i start i have to say that english is not my mother tongue. I will do my best but please dont judge me by grammar mistakes.
I would love to hear your view on my story. I feal really stupid for all that.
I am 39 years old, never married, no girlfriend, no kids. I absolutely dont like being 39, actually i hate getting older. I prefer going dancing, have some fun, do a lot of excercise and so on. I have a healthy lifestile without stress, my hair is not gray, and many people think i am about 10 years younger. When i can, i also try to life like that and usually i like it when girls in their twenties still find me attractive. Well, usually.
--------------
However, here is what happened: I went dancing to a place with mostly much younger people around 20, i was one of the oldest there but noone noticed that. I have been there before, always dancing with the older (all adult!) girls who usually liked that.
But this time, there was a girl, she saw me ocassionally and (as she told me later) liked me for years, althought we never talked much. She was a student, had her own appartement and several small jobs. This time however, she was there alone so we talked and decided to go out with each other.
She was an introvert girl, wo as it seems had some problems with others. She was afraid of the world, didnt drink alcohol, didnt go to parties unless her mother drove her home, didnt have boyfriends before, and was probably a little isolated. Her mother was never in a relationship with her father and raising her alone.
We met about 10 times in 1 month and felt in love with each other. She was very focussed on me, telling me how much she likes everything about me and so on. During that time everything was as harmonic as it could be and she was extremely happy, telling me this all the time. At the last days i was sleeping in her bed, and she told me that she soon wants to have s... with me. I didnt even ask for that, i wanted to be as considerate to her as possible.
------------
However, now comes the stupid part: We never talked about our age. I wasnt keen on the topic because i dont want to be as old as i am anyway and i dont like to have this number written on my forehead. Everything seemed to fine and perfect for me and age never was a problem. She on the other hand didnt ask me for one month. When she finally asked me causally and late in the evening, i didnt tell her, instead saying "i dont want to talk about it". Yes, that was stupid again, but at that time i didnt realize the importance of all this.
Well, it was easy for her to find out the number. I am 39, she was 20 and now everything was not just over, it was really messy.
She called me, crying on the phone. I drove to her, wanted to talk to her, she was visiting her parents at this time. She just paniced, cried all the time. I tried to excuse me somehow ( that i try to stay healthy, do a lot of excercise and that i am biologically probably younger, that i didnt tell her lies, ... ) but i guess she felt somehow fooled by my younger apperance and the fact, that i want to stay and look younger and i know it. However, by what she was saying her problem was not that i didnt tell it right away - her problem was that in her view it was somehow completely perverse for a 20-year-old women to be in bed with a 39 year old. And as if that was not enough, her parents came into her room and threw me out of the house.
I felt like an idot. And because i really loved her, i was crying myself for many days after that. And hearing from an adult, younger girl i loved that being in bed with me would be a pervert thing really hit me in the heart.
I knew this was over and that i got it really wrong, thinking that age wouldnt matter if a girl loves me, knows my body and behavior, and when everything seemed so perfect. Yes, i made a mistake, but I really didnt expect this outcome.
After this separation i wrote her two emails, trying to explain and to excuse. I didnt ask her to come back, but i wanted to make clear that i didnt want to hurt her in any way and that this was not intended. She didnt answer to any of these messages. I didnt call her.
After 3 months (without contact) i wrote her again, asked her (by email) for a conversation, i wanted to apologize for any problems caused to her, have a normal conversation with her to get over all that. No response.
I saw here again, one week after this email at a festival. She was there with a friend and when she saw me, she did everything just not to even get close to me, when i approached her up to a few meters distance, she again paniced and cried. I saw here again 2 months later from the distance, and she still had problems. I ignored her anyway, but i say her talking about me, never going away from her dancing partner, as if i would somehow do something to her if she was alone. It seems to me she was still focussed on me for months, now reinforcing her belief how bad i was day after day.
------------
Now ending a relationship is one thing, if she doesnt want any more i dont argue about that. But additionally i am feeling like such an idiot and evertime i see her she really gives me the impression that i did something very bad. I would really have appreciated if she would at least have had one more normal conversation with me.
Of course i know that i made mistakes. The idea that i could just not talk about age when dating a younger women was stupid, but is THIS reaction still appropriate? I mean, she was not a child, but a 20 year old student (remarkl: in my country a consensual relationship is legal when a girl is 16, under certain circumstances already earlier). I really didnt expect such an outcome.
What are your thoughts on this story?
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