Was this emotional cheating and should I forgive him?

[s_girl]

Hi all,

I'm sorry this is going to be long, but I really need someone's unbiased opinion.

My ex-boyfried and I were together for 20 months and lived together for 10 of those months. During this whole time, he and his ex-girlfried have been communicating through texting, exchanging words like "I love you", "I miss you so much", "You mean so much to me, and I think about you every day", exchanges of kissing emojies. He was saying how he still wanted to have his drawer in her bathroom, how he wanted to stop by and visit her, how he needed somebody. This was going on through our whole relationship, whithout me knowing.

Also, I don't know if there were any emails or phone calls between them, and also, as my friends noted, he could have went through all his texts and deleted the most sexual/loving one. He had about a week between I saw the latest texts until he finally showed me the rest of them at my request. As a whole, their interaction sounded like that between two lovers that can't be together at this point. She is married. He had an open relationship with her while she was married, but then she ultimently chose to stay with her husband and they broke up.

He won't admit that it was at the very least an emotional affair. He says they just have a very special relationship, that is deeper than friendship, and that I just don't understand it, but that there is no reason for me to feel threatned and that he loves me. He says he is not sorry about what he feels for her ( deep friendship and affection, but not romantic love) or how he expressed those feelings in his texts to her. The only thing he feels sorry for is not including me into those texts.

I'm devastated. I still love him, but I told him to move out. He never really even tried to fight for our relationship. He never asked me if there was anthing he could do to save the relationship. Just before he left, in hopes that maybe we can somehow save it, I asked him if he would consider stopping all communication with her for the sake of our relationship. He said, no. He moved out, which to me meant he values her and his feelings for her more than our relationship.

My heart is broken into thousands pieces. I miss him terribly and feel like I will never love or be able to trust anyone again.
He texted me yesterday, saying he was missing me more than he had imagined he would. He keeps saying I'm the most important person in his life and that he loves me and that they are just friends. He will not admit it was an affair. Yet, I feel betrayed.

Also, I should mention, that about two weeks ago, he mentioned one of these weekends he wanted to visit some friends in town where his ex lives. He doesn't have any friends there, except her. He didn't invite me to come with...

Would you call it an emotional affair? Would you forgive, even though he won't admit it or apologize?


He texted me last night and asked if I'd like to have dinner in a couple of days. I told him I needed time and space to heal. I don't even know what his intentions are. Is he just feeling guilty? does he just want to be friends? Does he want me back?

I still love him and not sure what to do. Should I forgive or should I let him go?

Thank you!

[Jerome]

This is obviously cheating, and the fact that he refused to admit it show that he still wants to continue with his ex.

I know you still love him but your self-worth is more important here. The only reason you should accept him back is if he accept his wrong and sincerely apologize for it.

If he doesn't apologize for his wrong doings, then let him go and move on with your life.

[Kate]

He values the other girl more that your relationship with him. So, it's not advisable to take him back because you will eventually hurt yourself more by doing that.

He made it clear to you that he can't stop communicating with her, that's already a red flag.

The fact is that even if he comes back and says otherwise it's a lie. He is simply using you as a fall back girl. He's contacting you now and telling you how much he loves you because he doesn't have an alternative for now. By the time he gets another girl, he will dump you for her. I recommend you read this book: Language of desire

Don't take him back.

[TheDarkOne]

Drop him like a hot potato. Red flags everywhere! You aren't his one and all girlfriend and never will be. He played you from the start. Let him go.

[s_girl]

Hi All!
Thank you so much for your support!
I'm back here to share an update and looking for words of encouragement.

My ex has been texting me last week and asking to talk in person. I finally gave in yesterday and met up with him. He finally was honest with me and admitted that he was still in live with his ex, while he and I were in the relationship. He told me it was gradually fading out, as his feelings for me gradually grew over time. He basically told me that he was in love with both of us at the same time. He said as of now he is not in love with her anymore, and not seeing any future with her. He wants for us to continue our relationship, even though he moved out, and see if we can save it.

He broke my trust, so I don't think saving this relationship is even possible. But I still love him deeply and am heartbroken that it has to end like this. I feel like I will never be able to trust and love again.

Any words of kindness, wisdom, support would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

[Davidace007]

As difficult as it will be you have to let him go my girlfriend cheated on me a few times and I've gone through absolute hell for the last 5 years because of it