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ok, so I have known this guy for about a year now. We dated for about 5 months. We mutually split up, did a bunch of back and forth stuff for 3 months, had periods of NC, and then at the beginning of this month decided we were both just looking for a casual relationship and we became FWB. When we entered this whole FWB arrangement, I really thought I was able to separate my feelings for him. But now I am really confused and I need some advice.
So we have been in this FWB thing for about a month now. The first time I went over to his place, he was kind of drunk and he was saying a lot of personal things to me. He later apologized for being that way. But when I was over there he was telling me how much he missed me, and missed being around me. That he started a new job and was focusing on himself, and had a lot of time to think about when we were together; and was saying how I was a great person and he missed that. He kept calling me "his" and being really possessive. I mentioned how I wanted to move at the beginning of next year and he was basically telling me not to forget about him/leave him behind. I knew he had been drinking so I shrugged that off. He texted me the next day and apologized for being drunk, but said he had fun and wanted to keep up the FWB thing, to which I agreed.
One of the next times I was over, he was sober. We stayed up for 4 hours just talking; I know that comes with the territory of FWB (hence the Friends part). But he let me know that outside of high school relationships, I was the longest "relationship" he's ever had and we were never really official. He told me he's never spent this much time with a girl before; that he would have already moved on to someone else. He also mentioned that to me when we were dating, so that wasn't the first time I had heard that. He also told me that he's never consistently slept with someone as much as he has with me; I didn't know if that meant anything. Then he told me that he was scared to have real relationships because when he dated in HS, he always got cheated on. And now he's just afraid that every girl is going to do that to him. When we fell asleep, he told me "don't judge me, but I really want to fall asleep cuddling you right now" or something along those lines.
But I brushed those 2 encounters out of my mind. I told myself it was nothing, that it was just easier to be more open with me because we used to date. But we don't text or hang out during the week, so theres nothing going on between us. Until I went over there this weekend, and now I am so, so confused.
I went over to his house on Saturday. We were outside talking and catching up about our week like we always do. He told me that he was going out on the boat for memorial day, and then invited me to come. He told me that we would have so much fun together, that we could spend the whole day together, and some of our mutual friends would be there as well. I joked and lied saying I was afraid of river water (which I am a little bit, but not enough to keep me from having fun); he kept pressing me to come, and I said I was too scared. I was obviously lying, but I didn't tell him that. I would have loved to have gone, but I knew it would have been too confusing; we would have spent the whole day together, acted like we were dating, been all over each other. Our mutual friends would be asking what we were, and I just didn't feel like it was a good idea. Later that night, before we fell asleep he said to me "we should hang out sometime". It caught me off guard, so all I said was "yeah, sure". he laughed and told me that was the most unenthusiastic response. I told him I just wasn't expecting him to say that, but yes I would obviously like to hang out with sometime outside of hooking up. He told me "might as well".
He then told me when we hang out, I will have to meet his "grungy, alternative friends". I told him that he underestimates me, that he has always underestimated me and he needs to start giving me a chance. He told me this was true. One last time, he tired to get me to go out on the boat with him, and I just kind of laughed it off again. When we were falling asleep, he said to me, "I don't want you to think I just want you to come over here for sex". I just said 'ok' and then kissed him. I was confused, because we said we were FWB, so wasn't that the point of me being there? When we were falling asleep, he pulled me in tight and we fell asleep spooning. At first I thought it was just a heat of the moment thing, but when he got up in the morning to use the bathroom and then came back, he pulled me right back to him.
I left in the morning feeling so confused. I keep telling myself I am not going to get attached, but each time I go over there, he gets more open and emotional with me. I obliviously still have feelings for him, I am not going to dispute that. And I am pretty sure he has feelings for me, because what guy would continue to interact with the same girl like this? He's told me that he isn't sleeping with anyone else either.
We ended things because he told me that he didn't feel like he could commit to a relationship at the moment. When we were together he was more concerned with partying, going out every night and being with his friends. Now he's got a new job, he rarely goes out, he's really focused and he does a lot of networking. I can see he's changed, but I am not sure if he's changed enough to make a commitment.
I don't know if I should bring anything up to him, or if I should let him make the move.
So we have been in this FWB thing for about a month now. The first time I went over to his place, he was kind of drunk and he was saying a lot of personal things to me. He later apologized for being that way. But when I was over there he was telling me how much he missed me, and missed being around me. That he started a new job and was focusing on himself, and had a lot of time to think about when we were together; and was saying how I was a great person and he missed that. He kept calling me "his" and being really possessive. I mentioned how I wanted to move at the beginning of next year and he was basically telling me not to forget about him/leave him behind. I knew he had been drinking so I shrugged that off. He texted me the next day and apologized for being drunk, but said he had fun and wanted to keep up the FWB thing, to which I agreed.
One of the next times I was over, he was sober. We stayed up for 4 hours just talking; I know that comes with the territory of FWB (hence the Friends part). But he let me know that outside of high school relationships, I was the longest "relationship" he's ever had and we were never really official. He told me he's never spent this much time with a girl before; that he would have already moved on to someone else. He also mentioned that to me when we were dating, so that wasn't the first time I had heard that. He also told me that he's never consistently slept with someone as much as he has with me; I didn't know if that meant anything. Then he told me that he was scared to have real relationships because when he dated in HS, he always got cheated on. And now he's just afraid that every girl is going to do that to him. When we fell asleep, he told me "don't judge me, but I really want to fall asleep cuddling you right now" or something along those lines.
But I brushed those 2 encounters out of my mind. I told myself it was nothing, that it was just easier to be more open with me because we used to date. But we don't text or hang out during the week, so theres nothing going on between us. Until I went over there this weekend, and now I am so, so confused.
I went over to his house on Saturday. We were outside talking and catching up about our week like we always do. He told me that he was going out on the boat for memorial day, and then invited me to come. He told me that we would have so much fun together, that we could spend the whole day together, and some of our mutual friends would be there as well. I joked and lied saying I was afraid of river water (which I am a little bit, but not enough to keep me from having fun); he kept pressing me to come, and I said I was too scared. I was obviously lying, but I didn't tell him that. I would have loved to have gone, but I knew it would have been too confusing; we would have spent the whole day together, acted like we were dating, been all over each other. Our mutual friends would be asking what we were, and I just didn't feel like it was a good idea. Later that night, before we fell asleep he said to me "we should hang out sometime". It caught me off guard, so all I said was "yeah, sure". he laughed and told me that was the most unenthusiastic response. I told him I just wasn't expecting him to say that, but yes I would obviously like to hang out with sometime outside of hooking up. He told me "might as well".
He then told me when we hang out, I will have to meet his "grungy, alternative friends". I told him that he underestimates me, that he has always underestimated me and he needs to start giving me a chance. He told me this was true. One last time, he tired to get me to go out on the boat with him, and I just kind of laughed it off again. When we were falling asleep, he said to me, "I don't want you to think I just want you to come over here for sex". I just said 'ok' and then kissed him. I was confused, because we said we were FWB, so wasn't that the point of me being there? When we were falling asleep, he pulled me in tight and we fell asleep spooning. At first I thought it was just a heat of the moment thing, but when he got up in the morning to use the bathroom and then came back, he pulled me right back to him.
I left in the morning feeling so confused. I keep telling myself I am not going to get attached, but each time I go over there, he gets more open and emotional with me. I obliviously still have feelings for him, I am not going to dispute that. And I am pretty sure he has feelings for me, because what guy would continue to interact with the same girl like this? He's told me that he isn't sleeping with anyone else either.
We ended things because he told me that he didn't feel like he could commit to a relationship at the moment. When we were together he was more concerned with partying, going out every night and being with his friends. Now he's got a new job, he rarely goes out, he's really focused and he does a lot of networking. I can see he's changed, but I am not sure if he's changed enough to make a commitment.
I don't know if I should bring anything up to him, or if I should let him make the move.
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