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I will try to make this short as possible. Ive been dating a guy for almost two years. It is a long distance relationship (1.5 hours away). He is a kind hearted man who would do anything for anyone. He is very close with his family and his family loves me. Except his teenage daughter... She is very rude to me. I am not the biggest fan of hers either but i do try to always say hi and ask how she is doing. I get a grunt for an answer. I generally stay at my house to give them alone time during their weekend visits. I have helped him repair his home as he has done so with mine. We have always been there for each other. We have the same common interests (activity wise). Our sex life is still amazing.
When we first started dating he was in bad shape with finances and I was the one who was mostly paying for dates and outings. I make good money so I didn't think twice about it. One day my Mom was visiting and watched as I paid for everything and later made a comment calling him a free loader. It made me rethink what I was doing so I stopped offering to buy all the time.. We didn't do as much but because of her comment I found myself doubting him. Then 11 months ago I found out he has a drinking problem. I had no idea until he started acting rude to my young adult daughter in front of my neighbors so she called him out on it and asked him to stop. He disregarded her and continued. She doesn't like him at all now. Thats when I discovered the empty Jack Daniels bottle in my fridge which wasn't there the day before. We have discussed his problem many times (he says its not a problem) and promised over and over he would quit, cut back, etc.. I do not drink and it bothers me that he does quite often. At one time he even said he would not take another drink if it meant losing me. Within a week - he was drinking. I have accepted the fact he is a drinker. I cant change him. I love him even though it bothers me. He is in his mid to late 40's and hangs out with mid 30's and they party every Thursday night. All of his friends drink to get drunk. That's who he hangs around when I'm not with him.
I have an executive job which is highly stressful. He has a job he loves outdoors and not stressful at all. He has complained that I am stressed too much and need to relax more. He disappears on me (no texts or calls) for hours when he's with his friends or his teenage daughter. I think its odd if you love someone not to at least check in nor answer texts.. Maybe I'm old school? I am early 50's. I sit home wondering what he's doing at the clubs (he says just drinking and dancing) but this makes me feel miserable. My ex husband cheated on me and I have issues with not checking in and trust...yes. He knows this but still continues to ignore my concerns that he disappears. He doesn't drive over anymore due to my daughter (who now lives with me until her college loans are paid off ) and I work a lot of hours. I am tired at the end of day so driving to see him is really hard after I drive home for an hour and then drive there another 1.5 hours. We used to get along really well but I started thinking how he has never invited me to any of his friends parties (one recently got married and I wasn't invited). When I asked him why I wasn't invited he said because they think I don't like them. Honestly Ive never even been around them but in very short intervals. Recently he didn't invite me to his nieces birthday party. There was no excuse why he didn't or couldn't invite me. Just didn't do it. This really hurt me and when I asked him why not - he never answered.
We started fighting more and more and it was mainly about the drinking and the broken promises he would quit and him getting upset when I don't want to be around his rude daughter. He said we need to share our love with family and friends not just ourselves. Remember??? He has never invited me when he is with his friends.
We went two weeks without seeing each other due to his traveling for work and a project I was working on for work. I was understanding about the whole thing because I knew it couldn't be helped. The day before I was to go on vacation to one place while he took his young adult daughter on a college graduation trip he told me he wanted a break. I was confused and asked three questions. 1. How long a break. 2. What was the break for? 3. Are we allowed to date others. His answers. 1. Just long enough to relax some. 2. The relationship was too stressful. 3. No. I gave him the break with no contact. The night he came back from vacation ( I was still on mine) I called him to see if he made it back okay. He said he did and then told me he wanted to break up. I was totally blindsided and started crying. I couldn't help it. I love the man!!! I was so upset I hung up on him. The next day he texted me and said he didn't sleep all night and I replied I didn't either. I told him I loved him and wished him the best. He texted me later that day and off an on the next two days. He told me he was a heartless man for hurting me and didn't deserve me. After I calmed down I asked to meet him in person so we did. We talked and made up and now we're back together but he said it wouldn't be the same. He said he loves me and wants me to move closer to him. I would have to give up my job which I love and have worked very hard to get where I am but I would be willing to look for another one closer to him.
We have spent the last two days together and had incredible make up sex and even looked at a house closer to his work for us. I had to meet someone for work today so I returned to my house while he spent the day with his daughter and one of his friends. Ten hours later I had not heard from him so I texted him and asked if he was okay. He said he was at a friends house and wished me good night.
Am I missing something? Am I totally clueless? Or am I the one who is in the wrong and worrying for nothing??
Advice needed, please. I am on an emotional roller coaster.
When we first started dating he was in bad shape with finances and I was the one who was mostly paying for dates and outings. I make good money so I didn't think twice about it. One day my Mom was visiting and watched as I paid for everything and later made a comment calling him a free loader. It made me rethink what I was doing so I stopped offering to buy all the time.. We didn't do as much but because of her comment I found myself doubting him. Then 11 months ago I found out he has a drinking problem. I had no idea until he started acting rude to my young adult daughter in front of my neighbors so she called him out on it and asked him to stop. He disregarded her and continued. She doesn't like him at all now. Thats when I discovered the empty Jack Daniels bottle in my fridge which wasn't there the day before. We have discussed his problem many times (he says its not a problem) and promised over and over he would quit, cut back, etc.. I do not drink and it bothers me that he does quite often. At one time he even said he would not take another drink if it meant losing me. Within a week - he was drinking. I have accepted the fact he is a drinker. I cant change him. I love him even though it bothers me. He is in his mid to late 40's and hangs out with mid 30's and they party every Thursday night. All of his friends drink to get drunk. That's who he hangs around when I'm not with him.
I have an executive job which is highly stressful. He has a job he loves outdoors and not stressful at all. He has complained that I am stressed too much and need to relax more. He disappears on me (no texts or calls) for hours when he's with his friends or his teenage daughter. I think its odd if you love someone not to at least check in nor answer texts.. Maybe I'm old school? I am early 50's. I sit home wondering what he's doing at the clubs (he says just drinking and dancing) but this makes me feel miserable. My ex husband cheated on me and I have issues with not checking in and trust...yes. He knows this but still continues to ignore my concerns that he disappears. He doesn't drive over anymore due to my daughter (who now lives with me until her college loans are paid off ) and I work a lot of hours. I am tired at the end of day so driving to see him is really hard after I drive home for an hour and then drive there another 1.5 hours. We used to get along really well but I started thinking how he has never invited me to any of his friends parties (one recently got married and I wasn't invited). When I asked him why I wasn't invited he said because they think I don't like them. Honestly Ive never even been around them but in very short intervals. Recently he didn't invite me to his nieces birthday party. There was no excuse why he didn't or couldn't invite me. Just didn't do it. This really hurt me and when I asked him why not - he never answered.
We started fighting more and more and it was mainly about the drinking and the broken promises he would quit and him getting upset when I don't want to be around his rude daughter. He said we need to share our love with family and friends not just ourselves. Remember??? He has never invited me when he is with his friends.
We went two weeks without seeing each other due to his traveling for work and a project I was working on for work. I was understanding about the whole thing because I knew it couldn't be helped. The day before I was to go on vacation to one place while he took his young adult daughter on a college graduation trip he told me he wanted a break. I was confused and asked three questions. 1. How long a break. 2. What was the break for? 3. Are we allowed to date others. His answers. 1. Just long enough to relax some. 2. The relationship was too stressful. 3. No. I gave him the break with no contact. The night he came back from vacation ( I was still on mine) I called him to see if he made it back okay. He said he did and then told me he wanted to break up. I was totally blindsided and started crying. I couldn't help it. I love the man!!! I was so upset I hung up on him. The next day he texted me and said he didn't sleep all night and I replied I didn't either. I told him I loved him and wished him the best. He texted me later that day and off an on the next two days. He told me he was a heartless man for hurting me and didn't deserve me. After I calmed down I asked to meet him in person so we did. We talked and made up and now we're back together but he said it wouldn't be the same. He said he loves me and wants me to move closer to him. I would have to give up my job which I love and have worked very hard to get where I am but I would be willing to look for another one closer to him.
We have spent the last two days together and had incredible make up sex and even looked at a house closer to his work for us. I had to meet someone for work today so I returned to my house while he spent the day with his daughter and one of his friends. Ten hours later I had not heard from him so I texted him and asked if he was okay. He said he was at a friends house and wished me good night.
Am I missing something? Am I totally clueless? Or am I the one who is in the wrong and worrying for nothing??
Advice needed, please. I am on an emotional roller coaster.
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