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Hello guys,
I'm writing this may to get some advice or may be just to get it off my chest.
I met this girl about a year and half ago as one of my really good friend(female) is also her best friend. We met, connected straight away. We were very similar, both of us a bit cold and very untrustworthy. However, this time was very different. We fell inlove straight away. We live in different countries, but I was back for the Christmas holiday so I was around for 20 days. We are both 24 years old now. I practically moved in her flat on the 4th day after we met. The first time we kissed and had sex was on the 5th day after drinking up until 9am(just the two of us) and messing around.
Anyway it was all cool, had an amazing time for the next 2 weeks and the I left for where I live(England). Long distance was never a problem for her. We talked everyday for hours and it was great. Her best friend warned me that every guy she has been with she build 153131 walls and every time she fucks them over and it end really badly for everyone that falls inlove with her. However, it was nothing like that with me. I was the first guy she genuily fell madly inlove with and actually loved. We kept seeing each as either I would go and visit her or she would visit me. However, after a while things started to get off balance. I had some personal problems with my family and I started to shut everyone out, including her. I also started to see some big differences in our personalities, which pushed me away and really made me think if this is the right girl for me. At some moments, I really felt like I should end it as I wasnt quite happy with those differences and I honestly could not see us getting married or anything like that. Anyway, come summer( after six months) I went back home for 2-3 weeks and I decided to break up with her. It was very, very difficult for me to do it, and she was completely shocked as she thought things were going great and stuff. We decided to spend the next 2-3 weeks together and then break up, as she didnt want to break up straight away. In those 2-3 weeks however, I was really acting very badly towards her, I was taking her for granted and said some really mean stuff for her. However, she put up with everything and didnt say a word. Then I left and we broke up. When she asked my why I wanted to break up I was just giving her some random answers like I couldnt doo long distance anymore. She is honestly a very cold person, but she could also be warm as the sun when she is s good. The night before I left she started crying as well(First time she cried ever for a boy and in front of a boy. Anyway, the next day, she send me away to the airport and that was it. I left and we didnt speak for about 3 months. I wanted to call quite a few times as I still missed her, but I never didnt. Finally her birthday came up and I texted her. She didnt text back for a few days then I texted again and she did text back. We started to chat again, not life before, every 4-5 days, sometimes we would talk on the phone. She called me at 5 am on New Years eve and stuff. Anyway the kept going on for about 2 months and then I went back home for a week. I wanted to see her, so I called her everyday. We met and I was such a jerk, asking to go back to her place 10 minutes after she met, but I just wanted her so much. The chemistry between me and her was always amazing, never seen anything like it, our chemistry was always beyound limits. She of course said no. Anyway we went out with a coulple of friends that night and got drunk so we hooked up, after she was putting quite a fight. 6 months later we kissed again and after it happen straight away the look on her face was something I've never seen before from a person. She was looking at me like a monster and she hates me and she hates herself. Anyway, for the next week we went almost everyday, not kissing anymore or doing anything and on the last day before I leave again she spit it all out. She told me how I left her heartbroked and she felt so horrible she felt like a ghost for months, how I treated her those last 2 weeks before breaking up and how and then asked me if I ever loved her and I couldnt say yes simply because I'm the kind of person who's never said these words to anyone. Not even my parents. Then she told me there is another guy she is going out with but it wasn nothing serious.
Then I left again, We kept texting and talking for a few weeks and then I found a pic of her with this other guy and went mad and had quite a few unpleseant phone talks. I was feeling so so bad for a while because of the way I ended things with her and the way I treated her, because I consider myself a very good person and I've never treated girls badly until I met her. I never left her for a different girl and I havent been with a different girls since. Anyway I did quite a few romantic gestures to win her back in the next months. I went back home for 10 days, but she didnt want to see me as she said things with that other guy were getting serious. Anyway on 5th day I decided to go to her place and wait for her there until she gets back from home. It was very cold outside as well and she appriciated the gesture. We spoke for an hour or two and I told her quite I few things that she didnt know. How when I broke up with her I was in a very bad place with everything going on with my family and I felt really bad and told her that she not only didnt help me but actually made me feel worse and this was building up inside me. This story is so long and I'm missing so many important details, but If i have to write the whole thing it would take me ages. Anyway I left again but we kept talking on the phone for hours every few days, although she was going out with this other guy. She was telling me this was wrong but we kept talking for hours and we talked like we were still dating, but in reality she was still dealing with this other guy.The next month or so was full of so many dramatic conversation which Im gonna save you. I wanted to get back together but she kept saying no. She said she wanted to do the right thing for once and give a chance to this other guy as he helped her go thru the breakup with me and gave her all the time in the world until she is ready to date again and how he was treating her amazingly good etc. She also told me that she told him everything about me and including that we still talk and see each other(except for the part when we hooked up a few months back of course). This kept going for months, we would talk for hours, but she would still be with him and didnt want to go back with me. She is an extremely proud person. This is way she never called me when I broke up with her, despite being heartbroken. She said I dont get to decide when we get back to get and I'm not allowed just to show up again and be with her. She wou of course we drop me so many hints such she would say we can be back together but not now. Honestly, I felt horrible as she thought she was playing with me just to get back at me for what I did, but I knew her to weel and I know she is not that type of person. I did everything in my power to win her back, I treated her so well in the past 2-3 months, spend so much money going back to my homeland trying to win her back and so many things but it was just not happening. In the last month, I decided that I cant keep doing this. I was the only one calling and texting her in the last month and although she would always text back or answer her phone she would never call me or text me first. When I was trying to get more information out of her about this other guy she would not say anything. She denied being inlove with him and stuff, but I'm not really sure I trust her. I just dont know what to do anymore. In a about a month I'm going back to my country, this time forever and she knows about this for a while but I'm not sure it matters anymore. Should I keep shitting on my self esteem and humiliate myself by keep calling her although she stopped calling or text ? I decided to stop doing just to see if she will but its been 10 days and she hasnt, and thats the longest we havent spoke for in the last 5 months may be. Should I just let her go ? Should I call and just ask her whats the deal with this other guy. Does she really like him, does she want to stop talking and seeing each other and end it all and get some answers about the things that I dont know. Cuz I'm feeling so confused. I knew she cares about me a lot, but know I just have this bad feeling this is changing and I'm loosing her, so I dont know what to do ?
I'm writing this may to get some advice or may be just to get it off my chest.
I met this girl about a year and half ago as one of my really good friend(female) is also her best friend. We met, connected straight away. We were very similar, both of us a bit cold and very untrustworthy. However, this time was very different. We fell inlove straight away. We live in different countries, but I was back for the Christmas holiday so I was around for 20 days. We are both 24 years old now. I practically moved in her flat on the 4th day after we met. The first time we kissed and had sex was on the 5th day after drinking up until 9am(just the two of us) and messing around.
Anyway it was all cool, had an amazing time for the next 2 weeks and the I left for where I live(England). Long distance was never a problem for her. We talked everyday for hours and it was great. Her best friend warned me that every guy she has been with she build 153131 walls and every time she fucks them over and it end really badly for everyone that falls inlove with her. However, it was nothing like that with me. I was the first guy she genuily fell madly inlove with and actually loved. We kept seeing each as either I would go and visit her or she would visit me. However, after a while things started to get off balance. I had some personal problems with my family and I started to shut everyone out, including her. I also started to see some big differences in our personalities, which pushed me away and really made me think if this is the right girl for me. At some moments, I really felt like I should end it as I wasnt quite happy with those differences and I honestly could not see us getting married or anything like that. Anyway, come summer( after six months) I went back home for 2-3 weeks and I decided to break up with her. It was very, very difficult for me to do it, and she was completely shocked as she thought things were going great and stuff. We decided to spend the next 2-3 weeks together and then break up, as she didnt want to break up straight away. In those 2-3 weeks however, I was really acting very badly towards her, I was taking her for granted and said some really mean stuff for her. However, she put up with everything and didnt say a word. Then I left and we broke up. When she asked my why I wanted to break up I was just giving her some random answers like I couldnt doo long distance anymore. She is honestly a very cold person, but she could also be warm as the sun when she is s good. The night before I left she started crying as well(First time she cried ever for a boy and in front of a boy. Anyway, the next day, she send me away to the airport and that was it. I left and we didnt speak for about 3 months. I wanted to call quite a few times as I still missed her, but I never didnt. Finally her birthday came up and I texted her. She didnt text back for a few days then I texted again and she did text back. We started to chat again, not life before, every 4-5 days, sometimes we would talk on the phone. She called me at 5 am on New Years eve and stuff. Anyway the kept going on for about 2 months and then I went back home for a week. I wanted to see her, so I called her everyday. We met and I was such a jerk, asking to go back to her place 10 minutes after she met, but I just wanted her so much. The chemistry between me and her was always amazing, never seen anything like it, our chemistry was always beyound limits. She of course said no. Anyway we went out with a coulple of friends that night and got drunk so we hooked up, after she was putting quite a fight. 6 months later we kissed again and after it happen straight away the look on her face was something I've never seen before from a person. She was looking at me like a monster and she hates me and she hates herself. Anyway, for the next week we went almost everyday, not kissing anymore or doing anything and on the last day before I leave again she spit it all out. She told me how I left her heartbroked and she felt so horrible she felt like a ghost for months, how I treated her those last 2 weeks before breaking up and how and then asked me if I ever loved her and I couldnt say yes simply because I'm the kind of person who's never said these words to anyone. Not even my parents. Then she told me there is another guy she is going out with but it wasn nothing serious.
Then I left again, We kept texting and talking for a few weeks and then I found a pic of her with this other guy and went mad and had quite a few unpleseant phone talks. I was feeling so so bad for a while because of the way I ended things with her and the way I treated her, because I consider myself a very good person and I've never treated girls badly until I met her. I never left her for a different girl and I havent been with a different girls since. Anyway I did quite a few romantic gestures to win her back in the next months. I went back home for 10 days, but she didnt want to see me as she said things with that other guy were getting serious. Anyway on 5th day I decided to go to her place and wait for her there until she gets back from home. It was very cold outside as well and she appriciated the gesture. We spoke for an hour or two and I told her quite I few things that she didnt know. How when I broke up with her I was in a very bad place with everything going on with my family and I felt really bad and told her that she not only didnt help me but actually made me feel worse and this was building up inside me. This story is so long and I'm missing so many important details, but If i have to write the whole thing it would take me ages. Anyway I left again but we kept talking on the phone for hours every few days, although she was going out with this other guy. She was telling me this was wrong but we kept talking for hours and we talked like we were still dating, but in reality she was still dealing with this other guy.The next month or so was full of so many dramatic conversation which Im gonna save you. I wanted to get back together but she kept saying no. She said she wanted to do the right thing for once and give a chance to this other guy as he helped her go thru the breakup with me and gave her all the time in the world until she is ready to date again and how he was treating her amazingly good etc. She also told me that she told him everything about me and including that we still talk and see each other(except for the part when we hooked up a few months back of course). This kept going for months, we would talk for hours, but she would still be with him and didnt want to go back with me. She is an extremely proud person. This is way she never called me when I broke up with her, despite being heartbroken. She said I dont get to decide when we get back to get and I'm not allowed just to show up again and be with her. She wou of course we drop me so many hints such she would say we can be back together but not now. Honestly, I felt horrible as she thought she was playing with me just to get back at me for what I did, but I knew her to weel and I know she is not that type of person. I did everything in my power to win her back, I treated her so well in the past 2-3 months, spend so much money going back to my homeland trying to win her back and so many things but it was just not happening. In the last month, I decided that I cant keep doing this. I was the only one calling and texting her in the last month and although she would always text back or answer her phone she would never call me or text me first. When I was trying to get more information out of her about this other guy she would not say anything. She denied being inlove with him and stuff, but I'm not really sure I trust her. I just dont know what to do anymore. In a about a month I'm going back to my country, this time forever and she knows about this for a while but I'm not sure it matters anymore. Should I keep shitting on my self esteem and humiliate myself by keep calling her although she stopped calling or text ? I decided to stop doing just to see if she will but its been 10 days and she hasnt, and thats the longest we havent spoke for in the last 5 months may be. Should I just let her go ? Should I call and just ask her whats the deal with this other guy. Does she really like him, does she want to stop talking and seeing each other and end it all and get some answers about the things that I dont know. Cuz I'm feeling so confused. I knew she cares about me a lot, but know I just have this bad feeling this is changing and I'm loosing her, so I dont know what to do ?
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